


The Amnesiac

by Esyren



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Amnesia, Amnesiac AU, And loses his memory, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Car Accidents, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, F/F, F/M, Family, Family Feels, First Date, First Time, Grief/Mourning, Head Injury, Head trauma, Hurt/Comfort, I did like too much research about head trauma for this, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, John basically gets in an accident, M/M, Marijuana, Medical Trauma, Other, Out of Character, Substance Abuse, Underage Drinking, and casey and nic's best friends, i also watch too much greys anatomy, maddie and kai are siblings, no explicit sex though because im a child of god, tags are subject to change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-07 02:09:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 56,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13424469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esyren/pseuds/Esyren
Summary: John and Dave Strider had a beautiful life with beautiful children, until one day, one car accident takes it all away from them. John falls victim to a severe head trauma, that causes a major case of amnesia, one that makes him forget the loss of his father and more importantly, forgets all together that he has kids and a husband. The results leave all of them with more then a little bit of trauma.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Okay, so I've never uploaded my writing to any public platform at any sense, so I'm a bit nervous for this. To get this all started, Jade, Jane, Jake and John are all siblings, all raised by Dad Egbert!  
> Rose, Roxy, Dirk, and Dave are all siblings, though Dirk and Dave were raised by Bro for the first half of their life before being taken in by Mom Lalonde.   
> My chapters also aren't typically proofread, so if there are any spelling/grammar errors, feel free to let me know! The first few chapters are going to be a little short and this one the shortest, but it gets better!
> 
> Casey Strider is based off the salamander, aka Viceroy Bubbles Von Salamancer. I won't go too far into her personality, it's better described in the fic, but she was adopted at age four by John and Dave, and due to childhood trauma has plenty of mental and physical shortcomings. She also strangely looks alot like the two combined.  
> Nic Strider is based off Dave's nakodiles, and John and Dave adopted him as a baby. Again, I'll describe him more in the story itself.  
> Maddie and Kai Hooker are briefly mentioned, along with Justin, who is Casey's sort of douchebag boyfriend. Maddie and Kai are siblings, and Maddie is Casey's best friend, and Kai is Nic's.  
> Rose and Jade's kids are based off their planet's animals, and Jasper the cat. 
> 
> Please no ship hate! This whole AU is largely based off original characters and a whole world I came up with with my very good friend so, I just went with what I already knew well! 
> 
> This is sort of just a prologue, and the story is a bit messy the first few chapters as I try to explain the characters while advancing the plot.

The Strider family were the definiton of perfection, or so everyone in their large and extended family told them. John and Dave had met at 13, over the two of them trolling on club penguin, and ended up chatting on Pesterchum after that until they turned 18.  
Dave moved with his half sisters and brother to Washington, where he hoped Bro would never be able to find him and Dirk again. He met John in person for the first time, along with his siblings, and they all went to college together. 

 

They were dating not that long after and married at just twenty two, young but it was the best decision they ever made. Their family was always very supportive of their relationship, and even helped in the purchase of their first apartment. 

At age twenty five, they adopted their first child. A loud, vibrant and borderline obnoxious four year blonde old girl named Casey. She was the perfect mixture of the both of them to the point where she almost seemed biologically related to them both.  
Her huge family, all four aunts and both of her uncles along with her grandpa, spoiled her beyond belief. Which is why she hated it when three years later, she was the older sister to a little red haired baby named Nic. 

The first time she held him, she dropped him right on his head. It took awhile for her to adjust to no longer being the only child, and she was still borderline cruel to Nic sometimes, there was always an understanding that they loved each other.  
They were never a perfect family and a total mess but they wouldn't have it any other way. Everything was going pretty well, and they were all happy, until John got the one phone call that changed everything for him.  
His father had passed away. It was a peaceful death, surrounded by all his children and passing on all his fatherly wisdom, but John was devastated. It was a few years after they had adopted Nic, shortly after John turned thirty one.  
He grew up with a good parent, not a hyperactive maniac. One who loved him and gave him everything. He supported John in everything he did and managed to even be kind when he disagreed with something he did. Dave left Bro and never looked back, while John was the kind of son who left flowers at his father's grave stone every week.  
John tried his best really to continue to be an amazing husband and father, but truthfully, there were so many days where he didn't even get out of bed. Dave did what he could to be supportive, making sure John ate and that the house was taken care of. There were still days where even now, five years later, John could barely look at pictures of his dad. 

Soon enough though, they did end up moving into his dad's house, since Rose and Jade already had their own house with their kids, Jane lived with Roxy in New York, and Jake had an apartment with Dirk.  
Dave had bad days too, where sometimes Bro would sneak up on him in a dream, or something would remind him too much of childhood, and he couldn't stand the thought that he was still out there.  
When Dave was kept awake for an endless amount of nights in fear of nightmares, and he started to see people in flashes where they weren't, John suggested therapy. When John teared up at the mention of his father, and passed out from exhaustion when he sat at the piano for three days, trying to remember what his father's hands felt like when they showed him how to play the keys, Dave suggested he went to a grief group. They liked to believe they could give each other everything they needed, and even when the other found their problems to be tiny and stupid, they took care of each other. They were perfectly imperfect but, they coped together.


	2. Calm before the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into the everyday routine of John and Dave, and their little family.

"Where are my shades? They aren't on the nightstand."  
"They would be if we made it upstairs last night. Our kids sit on that couch." 

Dave poked his head into the kitchen doorway, looking at his husband as he made breakfast for their little family. "We'd have a problem if they licked the cushions, but, luckily Nic is out of that phase." He said, John rolling his eyes at him, just as Casey pushed her way into the kitchen.  
"Thank God I used to lick the carpets." She said, like that was any better, shoving her endless messy waves of hair back from her face, as John laughed, though looked over at Dave. "Check the coffee table. And you'd better be ready by the time I'm done, or you are giving yourself a ride to work." He said, earning a dismissive wave from his husband as he dissappeared back into the living room. "What would I do without you?"  
"Starve, for starters." 

By the time Nic came bounding down the stairs, full of energy and an almost unhealthy amount of joy for it being so early in the morning, Dave came in, dressed in his uniform as John set a plate of pancakes on the table.  
"Oh yeah, Rose said Izzy wanted you guys to go out with them tonight. Apparently there's a cool sushi place they wanted you to try." Dave said around stabbing some pancakes onto his plate. Casey raised an eyebrow.  
"They wanted us to go out, or they told you they were going out, and you guys wanted a little more alone time?" She questioned, shooting a challenging look to her father, that returned it right through his shades.  
"Little bit of both." He admitted around a mouthful of food, even though Nic seemed fine with the suggestion. 

"That sounds fun! The last time they were out, the waiter gave us free cake. But that's because Aunt Jade lied about it being her birthday to prove a point." He pitched in.  
Truthfully, none of them were surprised. Whenever they weren't doing something on the weekends, which they tended to whenever John and Dave weren't working and the kids didn't have plans with their friends, Rose and Jade usually took their kids out with their own three kids, Isabella, Theodosia, and Jaspers. This however, did tend to lead to plenty of mishaps.  
One weekend, they let Dirk and Jake take them out, but that ended in both kids getting poison ivy, so they tended not to be left alone. 

"Just don't clog the sinks up again. It's not technically illegal but that doesn't mean its okay." Dave cut in. They spent the rest of breakfast bantering and joking about their crazy sisters, along with poking fun at one another, among many other things.  
It was domestic and simple, but fun, like all their time together tended to be. They all argued and every now and then, even John and Dave got involved in heated arguments that resulted in them being in seperate rooms for days. It always ended though with lots of apologies and comfort and then they'd be back to normal the next day. 

Once John personally made sure everyone put away their dishes, he grabbed his bag and made sure everyone had their things. Truthfully, you wouldn't believe how many times they had gotten all the way to the school before Casey realized she forgot her bookbag. So, John had a mental checklist they all ran through when going out the door. 

"We really wouldn't be able to function without you." Dave said as he passed by John out the door, making the shorter male smile up at him. "Yeah, considering you almost forgot your wallet." He said, giving the blonde a little mischevious look, earning a little panicked one from him in response. Before he could turn to go back into the house, John handed his wallet over to him. 

Dave huffed at him, though leaned in to press a quick peck to his lips. "Teach me your ways." He said, though before John could form a retort, Casey spoke up from the car.  
"Save the making out for later! We're gonna be late for school! You guys act like you'll never kiss again." She yelled, dramatically pulling on the door handle while her parents laughed at her. Once the front door of the house was locked behind them, they went over to the car, getting in. 

Their conversations and joking around from breakfast continued on the entire drive. It was a simple morning routine, they got up, got ready, ate breakfast, John drove the kids to school, Dave to work, then himself to work, but it was a nice one.  
After dropping off the kids and giving them their quick kisses and hugs goodbye (which Casey claimed she was way too old for which Dave always objected that you were never too old for love from your parents), he drove off to Dave's work, the two of them making their own plans for the night. 

"I'm telling you, we need to have a date night. I wanna romance the hell out of you."  
"What isn't romantic about laying on the couch watching movies?" John said, only looking over at Dave with a look that was amused and jokingly annoyed.  
"The fact that we do that every night anyway. You won't even have to wear a tux, but there will be candles, it's decided."  
"If I say no?"  
"You can't, easy." Dave said with a little smirk that John couldn't help of course giving into as they pulled up in front of his work. He leaned over, offering another kiss.  
"What would I do without you?" He teased, shooting his own words back at him. 

Dave snorted as he caught it, though unbuckled his seatbelt. "Die of boredom from sitting around watching movies, I think. See you later." He said, giving John a smile the other knew was just for him, with John returning the look.  
"See you later." 

They didn't say goodbye. There wasn't a point, goodbye meant that was it, and Dave hated that meaning. So, they simply said see you later, because they didn't know this would be their last time speaking for a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave finds out news that changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like the doctor so much in this but enjoy anyway.
> 
> also, I really did look a lot into traumatic brain injuries for this story alone, but if I got information wrong then feel free to let me know! not everything can be exact and perfect because the brain is a very picky part of us. 
> 
>  
> 
> ~There's a difference between hate and critique!~

"Mr. Strider. This is Seattle West hospital. We have someone here by the name of John Strider? He's been in an accident."   
Dave's phone was burning hot against his ice cold hand.

John had been driving, on his way to work after dropping Dave off. He was always a pretty good driver, which was why he was the one who drove everyone where they had to go a majority of the time. Dave had his own car and he drove it wherever he wanted to be, but for the most part, John had a pretty clean record. No speeding tickets, no accidents.   
Until today, anyway. 

It had been one decision, one stupid decision John didn't even make. Whenever he read books or watched movies, he always rolled his eyes when they talk about everything going in slow motion when something bad happened. That was until today.   
He had just been driving through an intersection, when someone had the idea of running a red light. Before he could even see what was hitting him, where everything seemed to be going too fast to comprehend, everything suddenly slowed down. He saw it all. 

The car flipped. He felt every inch, every toss and turn, saw the windshield shatter and felt it when something in him broke, and something else was pouring down his face. He saw random things from the floor being thrown around, the Taco Bell cup from when he just couldn't say no to Nic, the spare pair of shades, the sweater Casey left behind. Everything.   
And just like that, with the smell of gasoline taking over his senses, he was helpless to stop it when everything went dark around him.

Then Dave got the call. John had just dropped him off not even twenty minutes ago. He had just sat down at his desk when his own world had stopped around him.   
They were just making dinner plans. 

"Is this Dave Strider? I'm very sorry to break the news. Are you there?" He heard suddenly form the other side of the phone.  
"Yes. Yes- sorry. I'm here."   
"Right. You should get down here, he's in serious condition. The doctors have brought him into surgery for his injuries. They'll tell you more about his condition when you get here."   
Dave was quiet. What was he supposed to say? Thank you for telling me my husband is dieing? That just twenty minutes ago, they were talking about what to tonight, and now John probably wouldn't make it to noon?   
"I'll be there." Is simply all he was able to put out.   
He'd heard about shock, was this it? Didn't you need to have something traumetizing happen to you for it to be shock?   
Then again, what was more traumetizing then figuring out your husband was just in an accident? He quickly got up, leaving his stuff behind, going and finding his boss before quickly explaining the situation.   
After, he ran out, feeling like if he stopped moving, if he stayed still too long that John would slip away from him. 

John drove him to work, he didn't have a car right now. So, he ran, the entire way to the hospital, taking out his phone as he went. His voice was frantic and quick as he called Rose, who sounded annoyed at first but as he explained what was going on, she offered what comfort she could before saying she would get the kids and meet him at the hospital.   
Good. He might be a worried husband in a waiting room but at least he wouldn't be a worried husband that was alone in a waiting room. 

Once he got to the hospital and into the entrance, he went right for the nurses station.   
"I'm Dave Strider- my husband is here? They said he was in surgery and he was in an accident?" He said. He hated how shaky and overall pathetic his voice was, but this was /John/.   
The nurse looked sympathetic, and that couldn't be a good thing. But he was in surgery, right? Surgery at least meant there was something to fix, and if there was something to fix, then he had to be alive.

"Please, follow me, Mr. Strider." She said, getting up from her seat. Dave hated this, being treated like he was a widow and that he was fragile.   
He felt like he was sort of on auto pilot as the nurse brought him through the hospital and to a waiting area. She told him to wait a moment while she paged the operating room.   
Luckily, though, before he even had the time to assume the worse, the nurse came back, but with Rose, Jade and the kids, all of them looking terrified. 

"Papa! What happened? Aunt Rose said dad was in an accident." Nic said as he ran forward, bookbag bouncing behind him as he wrapped his arms around his father. Dave moved out of the chair he was on to hug his son better, Casey coming over after to join in on it.   
"Yeah, kid. Papa was in an accident, but they are fixing him. He'll be okay, alright? You gotta be strong for him. Both of you." He said. John was always the one who was better with comfort, he was always the one who held Nic when he cried, who told Casey she was going to be happy again when her first boyfriend broke up with her. What was he supposed to say now that their father was in surgery in critical condition? 

They all sat down together, Dave comforting the best he could with Rose and Jade jumping in. They even eventually ended up calling everyone else, Roxy and Jane on standby to fly over if the news was too bad. He wasn't mad at how long the surgeon was taking, more so worried about what news they would bring with them.   
Nic was on his lap, and Casey was sprawled across the couch with her head besides him. They were all scared. By the time Dirk and Jake had showed up, the surgeon came into the waiting room, going right over to the quiet and nervous family. She seemed warm and inviting, young but mature, eyes sharp but kind. It felt like just what they needed. 

"Hi, I'm your husband's surgeon. He was in critical shape when he came in, he was in a car accident and was thrown around alot. His injuries could've been far worse then they were but..that being said, his injuries were substantial. The car hit his door, which played a factor in it. He broke his wrist, and some ribs, and there's alot of bruising. However, the worst injury was a hemorrhage in his brain. We did what we could, but the brain is..unpredictable. He's stable right now, but we won't know any deficits until he wakes up. If he wakes up. I can answer any questions you may have for me." She said, clearly trying to be supportive of the family in front of her, who had clearly been preparing for the worst.   
And to Dave, her conclusion was the worst.  
"If he wakes up?" It wasn't really a question, more so him saying back what had been said to him, to make sure he really got all of this right. If. Maybe, maybe not. He might not wake up. 

The surgeon pressed her lips into a line, like this hurt her to say, before slowly nodding. Dave's eyes burned from behind his shades. "I'm sorry. There was..some swelling, and alot of blood. It's possible the swelling could lead to him not waking up, or significant decrease in quality of life if he does." 

Casey had sat up, along with Nic, eyes wide and filled with terror and tears. Their father might not be their father by the end of today.   
"I think we need some time, if you don't mind." Jade spoke for him, the surgeon giving an understanding nod. "Of course. The nurse will bring you to see him soon if you want. Though it should only be direct family." She said, before leaving afterwards.  
It felt like all eyes were on Dave, seeing if he would break or run or hide, what he would do. Instead, he did what he could at the moment, he tried to be a good father. He wrapped his arms around both kids, pulling them against his chest, trying to be their safety blanket, to be the father they didn't know they had right now. 

It felt like they were all there together for hours, crying and holding onto one another, and for the first time in such a long time, Dave felt totally useless to help John.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, in this chapter, and honestly in a lot that follow, John is a little bit OOC and even a bit dramatic and just... yeah.   
> Enjoy the beginning of angst!

A week passed by after that. He took time off work, the kids took time off school. Time paused around them, but it felt like they were stuck in the same day.   
One day, Dr. Alexandra even asked if he wanted to discuss extraordinary measures and his husband's health care directive. 

He said they weren't there yet, but after a week of absolutely no improvement, he was terrified. What if they were there? Would John want this, for the three of them to be at his bedside every day hoping and praying he wakes up and becomes who he was? That was a long shot and they all knew it. Still, no one was ready to accept it yet. 

Currently, Casey was curled up on a cot that they had brought in for her their first night there, presumably trying to sleep, which didn't come easy for any of them. Dave was right at John's bedside, holding his hand like nothing was wrong. John always poked fun at him for having cold hands, but Dave didn't mind, because John's were always so warm in his. They still were. 

Nic came back into the room, having previously been out getting something to drink from one of the machines. He found his place on the cot besides Casey, who confirmed Dave's suspicions of not being asleep as she shifted around until she was comfortably curled around Nic. They had become one another's rock through this entire thing, and Dave would find it adorable if not for the situation at hand. 

Nic looked up at his father.   
"Papa?"  
Dave glanced up at him from over the rim of his shades. "Yeah?" 

The red head was quiet, like he didn't know how to ask what he clearly wanted to say. But with one look to his father, who seemed so curious to know, he seemed to get up the courage.   
"Is dad gonna gonna wake up?" He asked softly. It was the one thing they had all been waiting for, and no one said it outloud yet, that there was a chance John might not wake up at all. 

Dave sighed. He didn't want to lie, and say things were okay. Things could be very far from okay.   
"We don't know yet. It could be today, or the next. But he's gonna wake up." He said, making the younger Strider nod, though for the first time in what felt like forever, Casey spoke up.  
"Dr. Alexandra says it's really unlikely he's gonna wake up. It's not okay." She said, her voice being tired. Being in the hospital this whole week searching desperately for a change was tiring on all of them. While Nic was an optimist, and Dave was doing his best to follow suit, Casey always had a harder time looking on the bright side of things. To her, right now, there wasn't a bright side. 

"Casey. You don't know that. We just need to be str-"  
"Strong for him, and then he'll wake up. But we've been strong for a whole week now, and look at that, he still isn't awake. He's gone and you won't accept it." Casey cut him off, her voice harsh but Dave knew this was her way of coping. Still, it didn't make what she said sting any less.   
Dave sighed, glancing back over at John, who looked so peacefully asleep. But he wasn't asleep, and Dave was weak for not accepting that. He kept saying they weren't at that point yet because he knew that they were there.   
His conversation with Dr. Alexandra ran through his head, about what John would want in this situation. This wasn't it, he wouldn't want to be hooked up to machines and trapping his family in one hospital room for a week. He wouldn't want their lives to stop because of him. 

Casey was already tired. She was fifteen and her whole life was on pause now, and even if the younger Strider wasn't saying so exactly, he knew Nic was losing hope too.   
They were quiet, all with the same understanding. That was until a certain blonde poked her head around the corner.   
"Dave! Why is it so quiet in here?" Roxy said as she bounded into the room. No matter the situation, she always did her best to make everyone else happy. Right now, happiness was exactly what everyone else needed.   
Dave looked up as his sister came over, wrapping her arms around him, oblivious to the conversation and that everyone was basically giving up hope right in front of them. Since she had moved to New York, Dave hadn't seen her much, along with Jane, who had a more silent entrance as she came in behind them, going over to the kids and greeting them. Casey didn't even sit up off the cot. But John was probably dieing, so they all needed to be together. 

"Hey. When did you guys land?" He asked, avoiding the question. We were all silently accepting the fact that John was dead, sorry Roxy?   
"Just a few hours ago. Someone didn't call ahead for a hotel so we had to drive around the city for one." Jane spoke up, even if Nic was currently wrapped around her, and Casey's head was in her lap. Roxy made a sound of protest. "I thought that Rose would let us stay with her! But apparently they gave their guest room to Jasper. Who gives a baby an entire room?" She said with a dramatic roll of her eyes while Jane got up, bringing Nic up with her. Jane knew something was wrong with all of them, though. If she had learned anything about Dave in their years of knowing one another, it's when he wanted time by himself.   
"Speaking of Rose and Jade, we're meeting them for lunch, if you two wanna come with? Give you a break from this hospital food, and let your dad get some sleep." She said, looking from the two of them to Dave, giving an understanding smile. Roxy could banter and talk all she wanted, and they could sit around and make idle chit chat, but that wouldn't change the situation at hand. Both kids responded enthusiastically, always grateful for any break they could get from the hospital, even if they hated leaving either of their parent's sides right now. Dave was grateful for the time alone with what was left with John. 

 

Once he asked just that they be brought back before eight, Dave was left alone for the first time in awhile, though he didn't want to think that way when John was right in front of him. Once the door closed behind them, he scooted his chair closer, getting as close to the bed as he could as he grabbed both of John's hand in his. He bit his lip, glancing away for a moment. John wasn't even awake and Dave still hated being so upset in his prescence.   
"Hey." He said, voice already shaky.  
"It's been a week. And you still owe me a date night, no matter what happens. I want you to wake up, we all do. Roxy and Jane came all this way to see you, and Rose and Jade come in whenever they can. Jaspers is kicking their ass, and you were always way better at giving parenting advice over me. Nic never cried for you." He laughed, though if John was awake, he knew exactly what he'd be telling him. Jheez Dave, shut up and say what you're trying to say. He looked up, wanting his eyes to meet John's, but instead they just met closed and bruised ones. At least the swelling had gone down.   
He watched his chest rise and fall, only with the help of the vent currently shoved down his throat. "Even when you're asleep, I'm still nervous as hell to talk to you. Feels like I'm purposing to you at that stupid fountain again." He could practically feel John's hand on his, rubbing comfortingly over it so that Dave would feel safe in what he was trying to say. But nothing about this made Dave feel safe, this was impossible. 

He was practically trembling. He didn't want this, but he knew it was where they were.   
"It's just me. You don't have to keep fighting. If you don't want to wake up, you don't have to. It's going to fucking blow, and it's going to be the worst thing ever for awhile. But it also sucks knowing that you have to hate every second of this, and you've never want to just be hooked up to a bunch of machines. So..if you don't want to fight, if you just want to..go, then you can. But if you don't want to, please-" He started, though choked on his own voice as his eyes watered up. "-please. You need to show me you're still in there. I need you."   
He gave in to the misery building in him, lifting up John's hand and kissing it, though pressing his face into it afterwards so he could cry in peace. This was the worst thing he ever had to go through. He'd overcome so many things in life, that were shitty, and awful, and required years and years of therapy and even to this day he wasn't in the best mental state all the time. But the constant in all of those situations was that he had John, and he didn't know if he could survive going through things like that for the rest of his life, without John besides him. He wanted to raise their kids together, to get into fights and to storm out and be mad at each other, but to hug and cry it out when they both realized how stupid they were being.   
But instead, John was in a hospital bed, and Dave was crying against him, begging for some kind of sign on what to do, because they always did everything together, since the day they met. 

Dave was abruptly brought out of his crying by the hand in his suddenly flailing, making him jerk back suddenly in pure confusion, dropping the hand like it was on fire. His eyes widened as he looked up, seeing John struggling and gagging around the vent, making Dave instantly fill with worry.   
"Nurse?! Nurse- he's choking!" He called, jumping up out of his seat to get some help, not even caring about his tear stained face. If this was a sign of what to do, Dave didn't really know that he liked what it meant.

 

The nurse ran quickly back into the room with Dave, who was still concerned and unsure of what was going on, but left right after. She came back with Dr. Alexandra, who was quickly shoving her hands into some gloves.   
"What's going on?" Dave said. John choking and flailing around like he was couldn't be a good thing, right? Not when he was so hurt, and his head was wrong.   
The doctor turned and looked at him. "Don't worry, Mr. Strider. This is a good thing, I promise." She said, eyes warm and expression reassuring, and Dave suddenly didn't have a worried bone in his body. If anything, he filled with so much relief that he could almost faint. 

 

John's eyes were open, looking frantically around the room as he fought the vent in his throat, though the doctor came forward and tried reassuring him. With a little bit of a struggle, she slowly pulled the vent out of his mouth, setting it off to the side as John had a sharp intake of breath as he was breathing unassisted now, and completely on his own.   
He didn't have to be hooked up to machines anymore. John was okay. As Dave watched him suck in as much oxygen as he could, he felt a similar feeling, where it felt like he was breathing on his own again, where it felt like everything was okay, because it was. This was the sign he had been desperately looking for.   
Dr. Alexandra seemed to give not only John but Dave time to breathe on their own, letting them both adjust. 

"John, you've been breathing with the assistance of a vent for a few days now. But, you seem to be doing just fine without one now. That's a very good sign." She said, though the end seemed more for Dave then John, who looked confused. She continued on after, grabbing a light from her pocket and leaning over him, opening his eyes and shining the light into it.   
"Follow the light with just your eyes, alright? Can you tell me your name?" She asked. John was quiet, his mind working to understand where he was exactly, though followed the light as commanded. His eyes still met with the Doctor's, even if she was definitely blurry due to his lack of glasses.   
"John Egbert." He said simply. What he didn't catch was Dave's confused look. John was maybe a little reluctant to change his name to Strider, and for the first year of them being married he called himself Egbert and even still slipped up a bit. So, maybe it wasn't that serious. He just had brain surgery, so it made sense for him to slip up with his last name. 

The doctor seemed concerned, but wanted to at least finish her neuro exam before really reading into something. She tucked her light away before grabbing John's hand, the one that wasn't covered in a cast. "Squeeze as hard as you can." She said, which John did fairly easily, even though he still looked sort of..lost. His eyes fell on Dave, who gave that little smile that normally John instantly returned. Dave didn't realize how badly he wanted that smile until John's lips instead drew into a firm line, and he looked away and back to the doctor. He pulled his hand away.   
"Do you know where you are, and what's happened to you?" The doctor asked next. While she didn't seem so concerned, Dave knew something just had to be..off. 

"I'm in a hospital." He muttered, seeming lost in thought about something. Dave knew that look, when John had so many questions that he wanted to get out.   
"You're at Seattle West. I'm Dr. Alexandra, and you were in an accident. You broke your wrist, and a few ribs, and you'll be sore for awhile. You lost alot of blood and had an injury in your head, which may cause some symptoms. The brain isn't predictable, so we aren't sure what symptoms you'll have. Possible ones are problems with concentration, impulsivity, one that isn't likely is memory loss. Hopefully, none of these are permanent if you experience them. Do you have any questions for us?" She asked, giving John the smile she'd been giving to their whole family for the past few days. There was something very reassuring about it that Dave liked, but to John, it didn't seem to help anything at all. 

John was silent. He said nothing, it was like he was in an entirely shocked silence. Maybe it was shock, if it was possible for him to still be in it, but his eyes searched desperately around the room. It seemed like he was just reluctant to speak. Dave bit his lip, not entirely sure what John's problem was, but maybe it'd be better if he was the only one in the room with him.   
"Can we just uh, have a minute? I'll come and get you if something seems off. I think he needs time." He asked. If there was something wrong with John, it'd be alot easier for them to both cope with when alone. They were each other's rocks, afterall. The doctor and nurse both nodded in understanding, turning and leaving the room right after, letting the door click shut behind them. 

It was silent between the two of them for a long moment, where Dave seemed to want to gather his thoughts and John seemed too filled with fear to speak his own. He looked over his hands, spreading out his fingers before clenching them. He practically jumped as Dave sat back in the chair that was pulled right up against his bed, looking at the other with confusion.   
"Hey, it's just us now. Don't have to worry about doctors." He said, reaching his hand out to grab John's. The other responded almost violently, taking his hand back and even scooting a bit further back on his bed.   
"I have no idea who you are, but whoever you are, please get the hell away from me. I don't know where my dad is, but I want him. Is he okay? Was he in the car too?" John spoke, words a rush and very clearly trying his best to sound strong and heated but Dave knew him, knew John and that he was terrified. But that didn't take away from the fact that John didn't know who he was, that he thought his dad was still around.   
Air had just come back to Dave's lungs, the world had just resumed around them. And now it all shattered again. 

"Your dad?" It wasn't a question as much as he was searching for a confirmation, that he was hearing genuinely that his /best friend/ didn't forget him.   
"Why are you looking at me like that? I want my dad, and my sisters. Where's Jake?" John looked confused, and rightfully so. To him, he just woke up in a hospital after an accident, only to find out nothing from his life was around him.   
Dave felt..awful. He could remember when John's father had died, the look on his face when he got the phone call. He just got John back again, and even if he wasn't exactly the same person as he was before the accident, he didn't want to lose him again to the loss of his father.   
"Maybe I should get the doctor again? Uh, I'll- be right back, dude-" He started to get up, though was instantly stopped instead by a hand suddenly around his wrist, forcing him to turn back around. 

 

"Who are you? You..aren't a nurse. Right?" John questioned, which raised a whole new set of questions. It took Dave years upon years to get John to even open up to the possibility of even liking someone of the opposite sex, and awhile to get him to accept his feelings for another guy. It was only then that Dave figured out that he was the guy, but still, just to get to that point took alot of work and helping John through it.   
How was he supposed to not only tell him his dad was dead but also that he was married to him, with two kids?   
"I'm Dave. Uh, Strider."   
A new sort of realization came over John's face as Dave introduced himself, though his eyebrow raised curiously. 

"Dave? Like, turntechGodhead? You flew all the way to Washington to see me after some stupid accident?" A different sort of relief came over Dave, because it may be a small victory, but it helped that John knew who he was.   
"See, it kinda gets complicated there. Uh..how old do you think you are, exactly?" He asked. It was such a stupid question, because he knew how old John was. His birthday was just a few months away, he was thirty five. But this John thought Dave still lived in Texas.  
"I'm sixteen." 

Right, and things were complicated once again. Sixteen was just about the line where John was the most adamant about his heterosexuality, and where he and Dave were just getting close. It was also before they regularly talked on Skype and over the phone, so the lack of knowledge about what he looked like was more understandable.   
"Aren't you supposed to be sixteen, too? That's what you said, but no offense, you kinda look like, fourty." John continued on as Dave tried to wrap his head around the situation. He made an overly dramatic gasp as he put a hand over his heart.   
"Okay, I'm thirty five, not fourty. And so are you." It wasn't the most graceful way of breaking the news that John wasn't the age he thought he was, but Dave didn't know how else you were supposed to break it to him. Needless to say, his words left a very shocked expression on John's face. 

Just like that, silence fell back over the room, and John released Dave's hand. In any other situation, John wouldn't believe that. Why would he? He's pulled a fair share of pranks in his time, and something like this seemed a little advanced sure but he could see someone pulling it on him. But..this was Dave, and he trusted him. Besides, the doctor said something about amnesia, right? What if this was it?   
It was an absolutely terrifying thought, to think that he was just in the body of the person he'd grow up to become. That was scary.   
"Thirty five? So..like, twenty years older? You mean I hit my head and kinda just went forward in time?" 

It was a really simple way of putting it, but it seemed to be the easiest to understand way.   
"To put it really simply, yeah, basically. I live here with you."   
"Where's my family? Who was in the car with me?" Just like that, he tried shifting the concern off of him and focusing on other things, focusing on his family.  
"You were alone. Uh, Jade and Jane are out right now. Roxy and Rose are with them, actually. They're fine. Roxy and Jane flew in all the way from New York to make sure you were okay." He said. This seemed to bring some sense of comfort to John, who had more or less been tense until now. As long as none of his family was hurt, he could deal with this a little easier. But he also noticed one particular person Dave left out of the picture.   
"What about my father?" 

That was absolutely the one question Dave was dreading answering. John barely survived it the first time he had to go through the loss of his father. He was so fragile now, he just woke up again. What if he couldn't take this?   
"Don't worry about that-" Dave shouldn't be surprised that John didn't even let him finish his sentence.   
"I'm going to worry. I just woke up after an accident that was so bad I have a brain injury, and my dad isn't here, and my dad would be here for me unless something happened to him, Dave." He said, eyes wide and scared, like this was the only thing that mattered to him right now. Which, to be fair, probably was the only thing that mattered to him. Sometimes Dave had to remind himself this is what it looked like when you had a healthy and stable relationship with your guardian. 

"We should wait until you get stronger. You just woke up, we shouldn't talk about this right now. You should wait for your sisters and Jake." Dave spoke, pretty clear in what he said. Or, well, clear enough that without Dave even needing to say so, John knew all the answers.   
"Is he dead?" His own words were straight to the point. He was having memory issues but he wasn't stupid, Dave was dancing around the subject. It wasn't like he was lying, he just wasn't giving up the truth. 

Their friendship wasn't further enough along, at least in John's eyes, he couldn't read Dave exactly like he normally would. But that didn't mean Dave's silence practically answered the questions with no words even needing to be spoken. There wasn't any avoiding this conversation.  
John looked away, fist clenching to the point where his knuckles were a stark white. His eyes shined a whole new shade of blue as they watered up. There was a steady increase in beeping on his heart monitor, and it felt like he almost couldn't move. 

"He's..gone?" His voice was a weak whisper, his face one of pure devastation, one Dave had only seen on him the first time he had gotten the exact same news four years ago. The question was rhetorical, but John couldn't help wishing Dave would cut in and tell him he was wrong, that his father wasn't dead.  
And right afterwards, the door flung itself open in a way that without Dave even needing to turn around, he could tell it wasn't the doctor. 

Casey's eyes widened, Nic stopping dead in his tracks as they looked right ahead to their father, awake and responsive. Though they didn't know he had just also received the worst news of his life once again, and had absolutely no idea that he was not only married to Dave, but they had a family.   
"Dad!" Nic said, being the first one to speak up before he launched himself forward, onto the bed with him with his arms quickly wrapping around him.

John's reaction was quick, and hurtful, even if he was in a state of shock that had his arms frozen and trapped by his sides that Nic had his arms wrapped around.  
Nic wasn't his son, not right now. He was a strange child who was nothing but a hurtful reminder that his life wasn't what he needed it to be now. "Who- are /you/? Get away from me! I'm not anyone's father, get /away/." He yelled, ripping his arms out before pushing the strange child in front of him away. "I want my father! Leave, get out! I don't want you here!" He yelled, eyes watering as his body filled with more rage then it could handle, more rage then Nic had ever seen on his father.  
Dave tried not to notice how Nic flinched back, but anyone could see the hurt that quickly crossed over their faces. From behind the two younger Striders came in Jade and Jane, along with Roxy and Rose, who's eyes widened as John yelled at all of them. Dave didn't want to leave, John was going through the worst time of his life and he didn't want him to go through it alone. But when John forced his eyes open to see no one had left, he started behaving more impulsively, and started trying to throw his pillows, or anything in his reach. Everyone was forced to leave as his heart monitor spiked and nurses had to come sedate him.

John smashed his head, woke up, and to him, everything was gone. But to Dave, and everyone else, the feelings were all very similar.   
Their father, his husband, Jade and Jane's brother, was gone, and it just might be forever.


	5. Cut open.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John goes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is definitely a bit longer, and this is a lot of drama between Casey and John. This sort of covers how John's mental status is along with his relationships with everyone else.

John had to stay in the hospital for a long time after that. Dave had told his doctor about his mental state, and how much he remembered.  
At a few different points, John had to be sedated or put on some pretty intense anti depressants when his outbursts on his family sometimes borderline became aggressive. His doctor said his violent moodswings were likely due to the trauma his brain suffered, but that didn't make it any less hard on them.  
It was, more or less, up there with one of the worst times of Dave's life. 

It had come out eventually that they were married, that Casey and Nic were their kids. The news wasn't exactly met with positivity. In fact, he flat out told the two he didn't want them. Dave's only saving grace was the fact that to John, he was still his best friend.  
Jade, Jane, and Jake all came in, being the biggest help ever, since it was impossible for him not to trust his siblings, even if they were now much older. Besides, they all went through the same grief together, so who better to help him through it?  
That being said, it didn't become easier for John to accept. 

When John was finally cleared to go home, Jane and Roxy had to fly back to New York, since they had used up essentially all of their vacation days to be there. Rose and Jade already had enough on their plates with their twin girls and the new baby. Dirk and Jake barely had enough room in their apartment for the two of them, and had pretty time consuming jobs. They all wanted to be there to take care of John, to help him through what was definitely a time of need, but there wasn't much they could do.  
The only person that did was Dave, and they were still building up their trust. Personally, he didn't think John living with his husband and kids that he didn't remember would help anything. But his doctor had brought up the fact that trying to bring John back into his daily routine would be the biggest help in curing him. That being said, they were also faced with the notion that it wasn't at all going to be easy.

 

"Right, looks like everything is in your bag. You ready to get going?" He asked, taking another quick peek into the bag they had been given for all of John's stuff. Luckily, John didn't come in with much besides the stuff he had crashed with, but Dave had been sneaking in some changes of clothes for him along with other small items to help with his memory. They hadn't really been successful yet, if anything he helped John maybe remember little bits of pieces from their time in college together, but nothing recent.  
John slowly swung his legs around the side of the bed, nodding as he stretched them out. His doctor had prescribed activity to help with the healing of his broken ribs, but John hadn't been the best so far with it. The worst thing he could do was lay around, yet that was really all he did. Grief was hitting him hard once again, and Dave was even less useful then he had been before. "Yeah, I'm ready. Where's your kids?" He asked.  
Thankfully, the kids weren't in the room to hear that. The past week hadn't been easy on any of them, but Casey and Nic weren't excluded. If anything, it hit them the hardest. At least John still knew who Dave was, accepted him as his friend. He didn't even know who the kids were, accepted them as nothing more then strangers.

"Dirk brought them back to the house. They are gonna clean up, I guess. Or, Nic is." He shrugged. Casey was..more quiet then she ever had been before. The first day or two, she didn't do anything to help John and his temper. They argued, alot, until John had said something he'd regret in his proper state of mind, and now the loud and outgoing girl had disappeared.  
John nodded. He didn't know these kids, he barely knew Dave. He understood that in whatever reality this was, some other version of him was their father, but he wasn't. He didn't even know how to be a /husband/, nevertheless a parent. "Nic is a good kid. Casey is such a brat, I don't get how you talk about her like you do." He said casually, like he was gossiping about some celebrity, not about the girl that was his child.  
"If you wanna spend another couple hours talking crap about your sisters, or Jake, or even my sisters, I'm fine with that. But we are not gonna diss Casey, she's still my kid." He said, walking over to John's side of the bed as the other got up, taking it slow and easy so he wouldn't need Dave's help. Even if the only side effect really from his brain injury so far was the amnesia, if John got up too fast it would not only hurt, he'd also get pretty dizzy. He was fine with being friends with Dave, but he didn't want to be touched by him. "Well, she has alot to learn." He said simply as he got up, straightening his back out a bit. They gave him a fairly strong dose of morphine, so he wasn't really feeling any pain currently, but he had plenty of prescriptions for when it wore off. Dave sighed, since he didn't exactly want to be told how bad a parent he was, even if he knew Casey wasn't a bad kid.  
She more or less was a kid with alot of trust issues, who was always convinced that her parents didn't really want her, and this was probably her worst nightmare. 

 

"Let's just head out, before they send Jake here after us. Don't think you want him flinging you over his shoulder and bringing you home." He joked, though watching as John's face twisted, laughing a bit after. "I know you're just kidding but you don't get that he'd actually do that."  
With all of their stuff in tow, and when John was set, they left the hospital room, thanking the hospital staff they saw along the way that had been helpful before going out to the car. Dave had been worried that John would be nervous getting into a car after his accident, but luckily, out of everything he forgot the accident was one of them. It was a tiny victory but Dave would take what he could get.  
Dave settled the bag in the backseat of his car, a very shitty red pickup that was probably the reason John drove them everywhere in his stupid little blue Prius. It was his first car, and he bought it himself, even though John and his dad always tried to convince him to let them buy him an actually good car. But, no, he was pretty persistent in keeping his independance after ditching Bro. He made sure John was all buckled up, before pulling off. 

"This truck sounds like something crawled in the engine and died." John said over the wheezing of the engine that was music to Dave's ears. "Something probably did. But it's still running after ten years, so, whatever it is, maybe it just helps it run." That was enough to draw a disgusted noise from John.  
"Didn't you say you had a really good job or something? So, you could afford a decent enough car?" He asked, drawing a shrug out of Dave. "Could afford it, but why would I do that when I have my baby right here?"  
"Fine, fair enough. Can you afford McDonald's, then? With all the money you're saving from driving a barely functioning truck." John teased, earning a snort from his friend as he continued driving along. "Fine, but only cause you have an appetite for once."  
"Getting released from a hospital put a spring in my step." 

 

After a stop at McDonald's, which ended with four massive bags of food cause Dirk and Jake in combination with their kids were a force to be reckoned with when food was thrown in, the two of them drove right back to their house. John looked confused as he peeked out the windshield as they pulled into the driveway, seeing his house directly in front of them.  
"This is my house. We live here?" He asked, gaze shifting back over to Dave, who nodded. "Yeah. When your dad uh..passed, he left the house to you guys, but no one else really wanted to live here. Plus, we had a tiny shitty apartment and two screaming kids, so, we needed the space." He said. He'd been trying to mention tiny things like that, instead of sitting John down and forcing a whole bunch of information down his throat. Besides, John tended to get very upset very quickly when Dave brought up anything to do with their marriage, or his father. He was recovering from a traumatic brain injury, and this was one of the side effects of it, or so the doctor had said. It got complicated. He would either get overly aggressive and annoyed, or quiet and depressed, or sometimes he'd just be John. It was hard on all of them, and recovery would be a bumpy road, but Dave didn't have a choice but to deal with it if he wanted John to recover at all.  
John was quiet after that, biting his lip. And there it was. The quietness that tended to follow his father being mentioned, just like flicking a light switch. Truthfully he didn't even think it had anything to due with his brain injury. This was how John was even when he first figured out about his father's death four years ago. 

 

"Let's go inside and eat, okay?" Dave said, his voice staying soft. If he knew anything, it's that the best thing for John was making sure he didn't go into isolation like he knew he wanted to. Even if he was quiet, he couldn't be alone. Once again, there was just silence from John, but at least Dave got a nod from him. They got out of the car after, Dave grabbing the bag from the hospital and two of the McDonald's bags, while John grabbed the other two. They went inside, where instantly they were met with the sound of laughter coming from the office.  
John looked around curiously, seeing all the differences to the house. They had renovated a bit, adding a bathroom, and extending some of the rooms a bit more. Dave sorta wondered how the hell his family had survived before in this house, five people and one bathroom, with one of those people being Jade. He knew from experience from the days she had slept over that getting her hair into a manageable state was an hour long process. John explained one time that they all just simply piled into the bathroom and did what they had to do in the mornings. So, they turned the laundry room into a bathroom, mostly because something Dave found out quickly that Casey was not a morning person and if you cut her off in the middle of her morning routine, you wouldn't survive.  
The living room however was alot more..cluttered, with jackets lazily thrown on the coatrack and shoes kicked aside, blankets draped lazily around the couch. There were pictures everywhere, on the wall, the fireplace, the coffee table. There was a bookshelf that had more random objects on it that clearly seemed to come from gift shops on vacations, along with little baskets that held different things. There was plenty of other stuff scattered around, that made the place look very, very lived in yet..also very welcoming.  
Dave looked over at John, gently nudging the ravenette to gesture for him to follow. He seemed reluctant, and Dave knew it was because he really didn't want to sit down and eat with a group of people, but he wouldn't let that happen. If he wanted his food, he had to pay for it with social interaction.  
Dave cleared his throat. "Hey! Food is here!" He yelled, pausing as the laughter promptly stopped and there was an equivalent to a stampede as Dirk, Jake, and Nic came running in.

Even the kitchen was different, in a weird way. The counter was more cluttered, and the fridge was covered from top to bottom in drawings and memos and pictures. It all looked very much like a disorganized family lived there. His father had always kept the house clean to the point where it was borderline sterile and straight out of a catalog, even with four kids, so it was weird seeing it the complete opposite. While John made his observations, Dave made one of his own, counting only three heads where there should be four. He sighed, raising an eyebrow at the three of them. "Where is she?" He said. Casey had been like this for days now, since her first fight with John. She simply stayed anywhere but where her father would be, and if John was there, she pretended he didn't exist.  
To be fair, he pretended too. Or, at least, Dave hoped he was just pretending. 

Dirk plopped himself down at the table, dragging a bag over to him and snagging a loose fry from it. "She was with us before your loud ass truck pulled in. Jake can look at it for you, whenever you are ready to make sure your truck doesn't sound like an old man dying."  
Dave rolled his eyes at his brother, knowing the other was really just trying to detour from the subject. Dirk and Casey always had a bond, ever since she was first brought over to their shitty apartment and they made eye contact over Cal. They sat in pure silence for ten minutes, but it was like they were having an entire conversation. Ever since, they just had a connection, and it was no surprise that Dirk was trying to blow off Casey not being with them, because he knew she didn't want to deal with who was once her father. And he also knew Dave didn't care.  
Dave was really doing his best, with all of this. The doctor told him what to do and he planned to do it. It was an impossible situation but it wouldn't be made easier if Casey flat out ignored John and hid herself away. "Well, she needs to eat." He said, moving to leave the room before Dirk caught his wrist, stopping Dave in his tracks. "She already ate." The older Strider said. His tone said way more, and Dave knew that no, Casey didn't eat, they both knew that. This was Dirk and his bullshit cryptid way of saying to just leave Casey be, that she was having a hard day. But he couldn't let her sit all by herself in fear of her father, he didn't want that. He knew how much it messed up a kid to be scared of their guardian.  
Dave pulled his wrist from Dirk's hold, sitting down at the table with him before reaching over and snagging the bag from his brother. "Go get her, you don't get any more fries till she's down here too." He said, and even through their shades, he knows Dirk can see the glare that means business. Dirk quickly sneaks another fry from the bag before getting up. "Shouldn't you be encouraging your kids not to eat this garbage, instead of shoving the heart disease down their throats?" The older Strider said over his shoulder, though just earned a ketchup packet being flung at the back of his head before fleeing the room. 

While Dirk was gone, he looked over his shoulder at John, who looked like someone who didn't belong. He was just stood awkwardly at the doorway, looking around in search for something to focus on. Dave sighed. At least he hadn't tried to leave and go back to his room, it was another tiny victory. The blonde pulled out the chair besides him, patting it as he looked at John. "Dirk can't touch the fries but you can, John. Come sit." He said, starting to pull the food out of the various different bags. The table was relatively large, or long at the least, made to seat a family of six in case they ever had company like today. The seat being offered to John was right between Dave and Nic, making the ravenette look hesitant to sit at all. His relationship with Casey was bad, and while his relationship with Nic was..not ideal, it was at least better off then that, and he at least showed an interest in knowing the youngest Strider. Still, he was almost sort of afraid to engage in communication with the loud and bubbly kid.  
Dave was insistent, though, if him continously patting the chair said anything. Dave knew the one way to get any version of John to give into something was to relentlessly annoy him about it. Which is the reason John rolled his eyes, trying not to think so much about it before he went and sat down on the chair, helping Dave with setting up the food for everyone. Once they were done sorting food out to everyone, they heard the kitchen door swing open, and in walked Dirk with a very, very tense looking Casey. It was like she was prepared to run full speed out of the door at any given second. He slid a cheeseburger over in her direction to help both persuade her to stay and calm her down. 

"Hey, kid. How was your first day back at school?" Dave asked, trying to start up conversation, hoping that everyone would else would jump in aswell, so there wasn't so much pressure on any of them in particular. Casey grabbed the burger from the table before going and sitting down besides Dirk, who grabbed some of Dave's fries, despite having his own container right in front of him. "It was fine. Everyone thought dad was dead." She said, and right away, everyone could sense the tension building up in the room. "Already know you'd prefer that." John muttered, biting down on his hamburger.  
Dave sighed, prepared to jump in and cut them both off, but Casey was quick. "Don't worry, you're basically dead to me at this point." She said, not looking up from her food, which she hadn't even unwrapped, more so looking at it like it'd just disappear if she did it long enough. Dave knew her. Even if she had a temper, she did genuinely hate drama. However, she was also too proud to admit when she was wrong and to back down from an argument. Which is why he tried changing subjects before the argument could advance. 

"Any plans for this weekend, though? You haven't hung out with Maddie in awhile." He said, thankful as Dirk reached over to unwrap Casey's sandwich for her, since it didn't seem like she'd be doing it herself. "She wanted to go to the mall or something. Didn't know if I could or not, so, I didn't bring it up." She said with a simple shrug, even if this made Dave raise an eyebrow up over his shades. "What do you mean you didn't know if you could go?" He wondered, and it seemed like everyone else around the table already knew the answer. Even John did.  
"Didn't know if she had to sit around my hospital room scowling at me or not." He said, earning the mentioned scowl from the teen. "Yeah, apparently I'm a bad person if I don't want to sit and listen to my father scream at me all day." She said, losing all interest in her food. She looked just about ready to leave the table, but of course, John had to get something in first.  
"I'm not your father, and it's really stupid wisecracks like that which sort of make me wonder about how you even have a parent at all."  
"At least I have a parent still." Casey said, voice blank of all emotion. It was a really, really low blow, everyone around the table knew that. Dirk paused midbite, Nic dropped his fry, Jake looked at Casey with pure surprise. No one expected that sort of thing from her, and to Dave, it spoke volumes about how badly she had to be hurting if she really wanted to bring John that far down with her.  
Dave instantly got up to hold John back as the other shot up like a bullet. 

"Really? When my dad was here, he taught me better then to treat everyone I meet like shit! You don't get to treat me like the bad guy when I'm not. I'm doing my best!" The explanation, if it could be called that, didn't help Casey at all. Instead, it made her face scrunch up tight into a disgusted expression. "This is your best? You're treating everyone around you like garbage and blaming it on the fact that your dad died? Maybe you aren't the only one that lost something." Casey said, hamburger long forgotten, while John seemed to just forget everyone but the two of them were around, even as Dave's hand came up to grab John's arm. In his regular state of mind, just the simple touch alone would be enough to calm the other, but right now he's positive any touch he had to offer would be just that to John. A touch, not the comforting support from a husband that it used to be. "You guys should both take a walk-" Dave started, though not before John ripped his arm from Dave's gentle hold, proving the point further that he barely thought about the fact that someone else was there.  
"No! She doesn't get to act like she lost everything! How did you make it out of the orphanage at all? You should be glad to have just one parent. You're such an ungrateful bitch!" He exclaimed, and that's when Dave's arms came up, whether John wanted them or not, trapping John's arms by his sides, even if it wasn't that smart an idea with his broken ribs. He kept his arms by his sides before any ketchup packets or hamburgers could be thrown around. "Fuck you! You don't get to treat me like I'm the reason your dad is dead!" Casey yelled. Whether she hated this or not, she didn't want to just sit by and let John think all sorts of bad things about her. She wished she at least had the sense to blame it on the injury. "I get to treat you however I want, since you think it's okay to treat me however you want, you-" John started, before being cut off completely.  
"Stop! Both of you, it's over!" Dave yelled over him, only earning more insults and curses from John, pulling him from the table entirely. He was trying to be careful of his ribs, but John was thrashing pretty intensely. Jake got up, knowing he was probably the only one who could talk John down right now. It was just a side effect, that was it, he didn't mean what he was saying, that's what Dave tried telling himself. With John being forced from the room, he turned back, panting a bit from the struggle to see Casey. She was like a statue, frozen in place, face blank. There was no way to actually tell how she was feeling, whether they had a super special bond or not.  
Just like that, like a whole new switch flipping in her head, she turned off. She was silent, body running but mind blank, shut off, picking up all the pieces. 

Dave stepped forward, Dirk leaning over, both trying to console her. But before anyone could offer any words of comfort, could hold her and let her cry it out, without a single tear shed, Casey got up and left the table, mumbling assurances about being fine.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of bonding between Dave and his children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about spelling and grammar errors, I really should get better at going back and rereading what it is I write before I publish it.  
> Anyway, these first six chapters were already written for awhile, which is why I uploaded every day. But, I'm currently working on chapter seven, which is noticeably longer, and I plan on doing all my chapters from here on out at this length, so I definitely won't be uploading every day. However, I'll try and do it as often as possible!

Jake brought John upstairs after the other had practically broke his ribs all over again, leaving Dave downstairs with Dirk and Nic. After Casey got up, Dave heard nothing but the front door closing. He wanted to run after her, make sure she was safe, but anyone could tell you she needed space and she wanted to go and find it. Nic slowly looked over at Dave.  
"Did..dad..mean that?" He whispered softly, his eyes watering up as they looked down where the other had been sitting just seconds previous. Dave sat back down after that, right in that chair before pulling Nic into his arms, quickly shaking his head, even if the other couldn't see it. "No, he didn't. Dad isn't dad right now, and he loves us, but he can't remember that he loves us." He said, rubbing a comforting hand over his son's back. If this was just how the first day went, he really, really didn't want to know how the others would be.  
"Papa?" Nic spoke up, moving back from Dave's hug. Dave raised an eyebrow curiously at him before Nic continued. "...Things aren't okay, right?"  
It was that, the joy lost from his voice, the childhood innocence vanishing, his son's arms around him tightening at the realization, that Dave knew no, things weren't okay.  
Dave gently rubbed over the middle of his back before getting up, pulling Nic with him. He held the younger Strider against him. "No, Nic. They aren't okay." 

 

Dave shot Dirk a look from over Nic's shoulder as the younger began to gently shake against him, silently telling him to go home for the night. He couldn't be there for Casey, and he definitely couldn't be there for John, but he could be there for Nic. Dirk nodded, knowing all the different looks Dave threw his way.  
He carried Nic upstairs, into his bedroom, distinctly hearing John and Jake screaming at one another for whatever reason. It was loud enough to hear but not loud enough to know what they were saying, which right now at least, was a blessing in disguise. Though it didn't seem to help Nic much. Dave laid down with him, letting Nic cling onto him, and it was only then that the red haired boy let his sobs out against his father's chest. He was always such an optimist, not even thinking something bad could happen, always knowing something good could happen. Right now, though, all those positive thoughts were gone, lost with his hope and happiness. Dave didn't realize he was crying until Nic looked up at him, dark red eyes glistening with tears as he wrapped his arm's instead around his father's neck. He nudged closer into him, and they stayed like that the whole night, crying and accepting the fact that things might not be as okay as they seemed.  
"Things will be okay." Dave whispered, more like thinking outloud to try and combat the thought that things might not be okay. However, it seemed to help Nic's sobs die down a bit.  
He repeated it a few more times after that, reassuringly rubbing over Nic's back as he did, like it was some sort of mantra. It was calming to them both, and it didn't take so long afterwards for them to fall asleep, hoping that it would come true.

 

That night, Casey didn't end up coming home, but a quick phone call to her told him she was with her boyfriend. Normally, Dave would've killed her for sleeping over his house but tonight, if someone had comfort to offer her, he wanted her to have it. Dirk had left back to his apartment, while Jake had stayed behind to stay the night with John in what was once their shared room. Dave stayed in Nic's room with him the entire night.  
The bed was barely big enough for him alone, but Nic refused to let his papa sleep on the couch all by himself, and they both needed the comfort. Dave wasn't one to turn down Nic and his puppy dog eyes even on a good day. So, they were laying down, Nic curled up against his father's chest while Dave had his arms wrapped around him. It sort of reminded him of the very first night they had gotten Nic, where he got into a bad argument with John, that ended with him sleeping alone, curled up with their baby. Of course, the two made up very easily the next morning, and Dave found himself longing for that night again. Because at least he'd know he could wake up the next morning and things would be okay.  
Nic was affectionate, anyone could tell you that. He slept on and off in his parent's bed until he was six, and for the few years after that, he occasionally bunked in with his older sister, who Dave knew secretly didn't at all mind the attention from her little brother. 

Dave awoke to Nic's alarm blaring, telling them that the next morning had came, and it was time for them all to get up. Mornings were alot different before the accident. They had a system, a routine, but since everything else was a mess, this routine wasn't exempt from it.  
He woke up to what had to be the smell of bacon, and he knew right away that it had to be Jake. All he really could hope was that Jake was alone down in the kitchen, and they could deal with John later on in the day. The previous night, he had briefly spoken to Jake about staying the day while Dave went to work, so at least he didn't have to worry about John while he was gone. It wasn't a permanent fix but for now, he'd take what he could get. Luckily, after leaving Nic in his room to get changed, he headed down to the kitchen, finding that John was still asleep just like he had hoped. "Good morning." Dave said, Jake peeking up from what he was cooking. "Morning, Strider. Did you sleep alright? I'm sorry about taking over your bed last night." Jake apologized as he stirred something that smelled amazing on the stove. Dave waved a hand to dismiss the apology. "I slept fine, though I was reminded Nic needs a new bed. His is like sleeping on concrete, don't know what the hell he did to that thing." He said with a laugh, sitting down at the table. Jake stepped away from the stove, pouring two cups of coffee before passing one over to Dave.  
"John was pretty restless. I'd trade my feisty brother for a hard mattress any night." Jake said with an amused sigh. It was nice to talk like everything was fine, even if Dave knew Jake was just putting John's condition lightly. He could hear the on and off yelling all night, but it was nice at least to pretend he just had problems sleeping. 

Dave looked up from his cup of coffee as Nic came bounding down the stairs, his bookbag bouncing around him before he put it down on one of the empty chairs. The lost little boy from the previous night was gone, replaced with Dave's bright and cheery son. Even if it was just a front, and Nic wasn't actually so happy, it was enough to lift Dave's spirits, Jake's aswell, as the other grinned at his nephew. "Good morning, Nic. Anything exciting happening in school today?" Jake asked, starting to set the table with plates, while Nic got himself some orange juice. "No, not really. Kai says that we're watching a movie in math." He said as he settled himself down on a chair. Dave felt like ranting on about how that was lazy teaching, in John's honor, cause it was exactly the sort of thing John would get all riled up about. "Sounds fun. Do you want us to pack you any lunch or something?" Jake asked. Jade and Rose's kids went to the same middle school as Nic, and Casey's highschool was attached to it, the past month or so before John got discharged they mostly handled getting the kids to school. Dave was pretty new to getting everyone ready.  
Nic nodded just as the front door opened, Dave poking his head up curiously just in time to see a flash of wavy blonde hair. "Uh, Nic, why don't you help Jake make you a sandwhich for school?" Dave said, getting up from the table. Jake wasn't entirely able to read Dave like Dirk did, didn't know what Dave was saying just by reading a twitch in the eyebrow or something small like that, but it didn't take a genius to know he wanted to go check on Casey and didn't want Nic to follow. Luckily, Jake got the idea and Nic didn't, instead he just agreed with the suggestion and got up.  
Dave went upstairs, and down the hall into the bedroom that once was Jade and Jane's, and now belonged to Casey. Just as he expected, he poked his head in and saw the teen rummaging around her closet. "Hey, princess." He said, fondly using the nickname he had for the girl ever since she was a child. Casey poked her head up, the mascara from the previous day in streaks down her face and her eyeliner smudged. "Morning, papa. I'm just getting ready for school. I can get a ride with Maddie or Justin if you're not bringing Nic." She said, pulling out a skirt, messing a bit with the fabric in her hands. Dave..hated that she really had to ask that sort of thing, that their simple and domestic morning routine was all gone.  
"No, I'll bring you guys. Your dad's car is totaled though so I'm probably gonna have to bring you in my truck." He said, earning a groan from Casey that tended to come from anyone when he brought up his truck. "The last time you dropped me off in that thing, my math teacher asked if everything was okay at home." Dave let out his first genuine laugh at that, going over to gently shove at Casey's shoulder. "She did not, you're a liar. Someday, that truck will be yours."  
That instantly changed Casey's mood entirely about the truck. "Well, when you put it that way, I love the truck. But when it's mine, Jake will be fixing it." She went over and grabbed a brush from her vanity, starting to pull it through her endless amount of hair as Dave made an offended noise. "You can't dishonor the truck like that, you have to love her in all her wheezing glory. Accept her for who she is. Also, you need a haircut. I can see your split ends from over here." Dave teased, and this time it was Casey who made the offended noise, examining the ends of her hair. "My split ends are fine, talk to me when you don't have grey hairs."  
She moved out of range as Dave ducked down into a mirror, peeking at his roots, turning to glare at his daughter as she set her rejected clothes down on the bed. They laughed together for a few long moments before Dave decided to at least try and subtly figure out how Casey was really doing. "Fuck off, my grey hairs are fine. How was your night? Your dad might not be feeling like himself but I'll still kick Justin's ass for him if he didn't keep his hands to himself."  
Even if Dave didn't say it, Casey knew he was just asking if she was alright. Of course she wasn't, though. Who would be when your father, someone you looked up to since the second he chose you out of countless children who had no baggage, no trauma, screamed in your face that he didn't think you deserved to be chosen afterall? It wasn't simple, it went deeper then that, but the last thing she needed was the one person she still had in her corner thinking she was crazy. "My night was fine. And you don't have to worry about Justin, I stayed with Maddie." She said with a shrug. Dave wasn't entirely sure if it was something he should look into or not. Things weren't exactly as simple as John not feeling right.  
Though Casey wouldn't just budge and get out all of her feelings at once. For once, he had hoped she gained John's impulsivity, but that was a shot in the dark. She had proven plenty of times that she tended to think out every word and action.  
She was avoiding things, and Dave usually did the same, and she probably wanted to use that to her advantage. However, Dave wasn't ready to give in just like that. "I wouldn't be okay, and I'd want to talk about it if I was you." Dave said, as if that would be enough to break through Casey's iron shell. If anything, he could practically see it when she shrunk further into it.  
"I'm not you. I'm me, and even if it's not good enough for dad anymore, it's still enough for me." She let out as she dropped the pants she'd been holding onto her bed. It was just a little bit of information, but Dave would take anything to gain any bit of insight into what she was feeling.  
She wasn't feeling like she was enough for John anymore, considering she basically sounded like she was trying to convince herself that who she was was okay. Dave didn't blame her, he'd feel the same. He wouldn't outwardly belittle how she felt, but how did she think he felt? Of course, her battles and feelings were much more important to him and were very much valid, but his husband was repulsed by even the idea of him. It wasn't a good feeling. 

"It's good enough for Nic, and me, and Dirk and Maddie and- well, you're more then enough to dad when he's himself. But-" He started, really hoping to break some kind of ground with his daughter, but Casey went from being comforted to angered.  
"He's not here, it's not him. I get it. Everyone's only said it a million times, but those sorts of thoughts? They don't exactly come from nowhere." She said, making very solid eye contact with the floor. Dave was almost envious. He was also quiet. That ramble, even if messy, had been his go to. Even he hadn't learned how to cope with getting shut out by John. But right now, it seemed like a tinier part of a much bigger issue that was always very prominent in Casey's life. 

Casey was only four when they adopted her, but she still had enough happen to her to have awful memories that would easily last her a life time. Her mother had never ever been kind or fair to her, leaving her with scars that showed the effect of her mental and physical neglect, that had Casey lacking in some important areas. She was dropped off at the orphanage at the age of three, and was left with some major abandonment issues ontop of everything else. So, it wasn't news to Dave that she was insecure about her parents secretly not even wanting her. But it wasn't also new to him to show Casey how much she was loved. 

"We've told you about the day we brought you home, right?" He started, catching Casey rolling her eyes. He knew it was because she was well aware that Dave was going to bring up points she couldn't invalidate. 

"A million times, papa."  
"Fine, well then I'm making it a million and one. I was nervous out of my mind, and he was, too. But..it was different. He was so much better at hiding it then I was. He was just..so sure. I barely knew the next ten minutes, but he was looking at you and already had a name and your school picked out, like he had already looked into some shitty crystal ball and seen the next ten years. It was like he already knew you and who you'd be. Could've sworn he was a time traveler, or something." He said, watching as the tension slowly left Casey's body, and she set the pair of pants off to the side. But, he didn't stop there, he wouldn't stop until she was smiling.  
"He knew what he wanted. He wanted you, and us. He wanted a huge family like he'd grown up in to give everything to, even if that meant burning cookies trying to impress your friends, or making you introduce your boyfriend to him so he could show off his muscles that could..well, honestly probably could crush someone's head. If anyone wanted you, it was your dad. It's stupid to hear and it's getting old but, this isn't dad. This is John." He said. The way John used to be, so scared and confused and angry to all but those close to him, wasn't anything he wanted any of his kids to ever meet. He never even used to want kids, nevermind a husband or a boyfriend, and he tended to be cold when he desperately wanted to be warm. 

"Doesn't mean it feels great when he calls me an ungrateful bitch." She said, bringing herself to look up at Dave for the first time since the start of this conversation.  
"You are grateful for everything you have. If anything, he's being a bit ungrateful. Don't tell him I said that, because wow if you really want to hear about shitty relationships you should see ours. He flinches when I even touch him." He said, trying to play it off as nothing, but it was really anything but that. Anyone could see that, but right now wasn't about him. "You'll survive this. We all will."  
"But what if he doesn't survive this? What if he doesn't really come back? The doctor even said that could happen." Casey pointed out.  
Dave didn't want to admit that one thought was enough to keep him up at night.  
But it wasn't like he could tell that to his terrified kids, that he was just as terrified. Who would that help? Right now, he was all they had. 

"What does she know? She only has medicine on her side, big deal." He clearly know more then she does." She joked before continuing. "Thanks, Papa." She added softly. Dave smiled at her, and was happy to receive a similar one in return. "Don't have to thank me, princess." He said before holding his arms open for her.  
She gladly accepted, allowing herself to be wrapped up in the comfort that was her father. It hurt, of course it did, to have sort of lost one of her parents. That's how she was going to see it, no matter how much comfort she received. Still, she was happy to pretend for her dad's sake, she was happy to pretend forever that she was okay when she was absolutely destroyed. He needed that security, and her brother definitely needed it aswell. She had to be strong for them. -  
Though, just as she thought of him, the two had to break apart from their hug as Nic called Dave downstairs, signaling the end of their bonding moment.


	7. Recovery.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave begins his first day taking care of John.

Dave had to help Nic sort through the rest of his clothes to try and find a clean and decent outfit, reminding him of one thing he had to do today. They were all in pretty desperate need of laundry being done. Taking care of John today he already knew would prove to be pretty laborous, but that didn't mean he could just let the household go around them. The place was already trashed, and it'd only been a week or so. He didn't even know the last time he showered. 

Casey came down the stairs, throwing her bookbag over her shoulder as she carried her other bag for football practice later on.  
"Oh right, so, when's your next game? Got to make sure I have the airhorns and face paint ready." Dave said, fully prepared to be the loudest dad on the benches, which already had Casey making a face of pure embarrassment. "I'm not going to tell you unless you swear not to break out the air horns. I can deal with the face paint, but can you at least try to make your lines even?" She said as she ducked under her father's arm out of the door, headed to the truck, where Nic was seated already. Dave made an offended face.  
"I'm an artist, I know how to make lines even." He said to his retreating daughter, closing the door behind them. "Your crooked stars and stripes say otherwise." She argued back before piling into the car with the younger Strider. "Besides, my practice isn't until way after school, I'm just gonna drop this off so I don't have to deal with it." She explained. Dave swung around to the drivers seat, starting up the wheezing truck before pulling it out of the drivers seat. Nic was digging through his bookbag for something, oblivious to Casey digging through his lunch box, until Dave swatted her hand away. 

"What? I didn't have time to pack a lunch." She complained, leaning back into her seat while crossing her arms. "I'm calling bullshit on that, you had more then enough time, you just didn't want to. And you know for a fact you always go with Maddie to that store during lunch to get snacks. Which, you're so lucky I never told your father about that. He'd kill you before the snacks could." He said as he pulled out of the driveway, starting off down the road. Maybe John was a dangerous subject to bring up at that point, but none of the kids outwardly seemed effected by it. Dave hoped that joking like things were okay would at least gave them that illusion for a little while. They all needed it.  
"Nutrition isn't that important. My diet is mostly protein and twigs, I'm allowed to enjoy a Kit Kat every now and then. It's all that keeps me going." Casey said, fumbling with the wrapper to a small Kit-Kat as she spoke, which quickly caught Nic's attention as the younger swiped it from her hands. "Hey, that's mine! Jake gave it to me." He said, sticking it back in his lunchbox, before sticking that into his bookbag. Casey squinted her eyes in a glare. "You guys are both mean. Do you want me to starve to death?" She complained, earning a snort from Dave, who wasted no time objecting.  
"You have lunch money, and you stole Nic's danish this morning. You'll survive till lunch." He remarked.  
Eventually, they ended up pulling up to the kid's schools, actually just in time for Jade and Rose to pull up with their twin girls, with Jaspers attached to Rose's hip. Dave got out of the truck, ruffling Nic's hair as he hugged onto both him and Casey. "See you later." He said, kissing the top of Casey's head, even if that earned a noise of complaint from the other, before he leaned down and kissed Nic's cheek, earning the complete opposite response from him. "Bye, papa! I'll see you after school!" Nic said, starting to wander towards the building as he waved back towards him, Casey following after and giving a similar wave.  
Dave glanced over, and noticed the kids weren't the only ones waving at them as Izzy and Theo followed suit towards the school building. He wandered over to where Rose and Jade were contently leaned against their car, smiling at the black haired baby currently messing with the ends of Rose's surprisingly lengthy hair. 

"Hey, little dude. Don't even know the last time I saw your mom's hair that long." Dave said, earning a little babble from the baby. Rose looked over at Dave, pursing her sloppily black painted lips, which Dave made a face at.  
"You know how babies are. Especially this one. He's almost more effort then both the girls combined." Rose said, rubbing a hand affectionately over her son's back. "He looks pretty calm to me." Dave said, holding his arms out, offering to take the supposed trouble maker from his sister, who gladly handed him over. Jade rubbed at her eyes from underneath her round glasses. 

"He saves all his calm and cuteness for you. You'd never guess that under all that cuteness is a giggly little fiend." Jade said, reaching over to poke at her indifferent son's cheek. "Casey was always pretty crazy, it was like raising a little monkey." He said, though, already knew that both girls would eventually try and gauge how the kids were doing, so bringing one up seemed to just bring the topic up sooner. Rose never skipped a beat, even when exhausted and sore from constantly feeding Jaspers.  
"Speaking of, how is she, and Nic?" She wandered, tapping at her chin with her still lengthy nails now that her arms were free of baby.  
Dave didn't exactly know why the question felt so personal, and why he didn't want to share what felt so private with Rose, who was his sister, and Jade, who was basically like his sister before she became his in-law. But then again, just because they couldn't be there every step of the way with John's very lengthy recovery process, didn't mean they cared any less. He knew better then anyone how time consuming a new baby was though. 

"Good. Casey had a big argument with John but she's feeling fine. Nic is still optimistic. Jake stayed with John last night, but I still have to go home and take care of him. Make sure he eats." Dave said, not a stranger to a grieving John. He knew how he worked, even if this wasn't the exact same situation as it had been before. Jade looked sympathetic, and Dave couldn't begin to describe how much he despised that look. "Just make sure you give him something simple, and don't force him into talking." Jade said. It was about all she knew how to say, since they all had dealt with the loss of their dad in their own ways, and John never..fully recovered. Really, it was just a guessing game of what would set him off and what would make him feel better, which was made even more complicated when you threw in a brain injury that left him with very intense mood swings. 

Dave nodded anyway, always appreciative of support. "I'll keep that in mind. Have been dying to make some mac and cheese anyway. I'm locking the room to that piano though." He said, knowing already they'd be too far gone if John sat down at that piano. That was about the peak of his grief last time, though. Rose pushed some of her overgrown bangs from her eyes. "Well, even with Jaspers, if you need anything, Jade and I are just a phone call away to hear you cool guy your way around your problems." She said, her sort of cynical way of saying 'we're here for you no matter what' that earned a soft punch to her shoulder from Dave once shifting Jaspers over to one arm. Karma struck in immediately as the baby started crying, spitting out the green pacifier that had once been securely tucked into his mouth.  
Dave immediately held the kid out to Rose, who was quick to cradle him in her arms. "Well, you have to deal with that right now, so I'll leave you to it. I have to get back before I make Jake late to work." He said, taking his keys out of his pocket as Jade smiled, even if intervening with Rose to help calm their little boy. "We'll see you later with the girls." She said, smiling over at her brother in law as he smiled back, nodding. As they worked to stop Jaspers crying long enough to get him in the carseat, so they could properly help him at home, Dave turned and walked back to his truck. He started it up before pulling off, reluctantly beginning his drive back home, where he sort of had to help out a baby of his own. 

He was greeted by complete silence once he got back to his house, besides the occasional shuffling that seemed to come from the downstairs bathroom. That shuffling ended once Jake popped out, shoving his glasses onto his face. "Strider! Sorry, I really have to get a move on if I want to be on time." He said, Dave stepping aside as he nodded in understanding. "That's fine, dude. Thanks for staying as long as you did. I know you didn't have to, and I know I probably owe Dirk one." Dave said, kicking off his shoes as he walked further into the house, further reminded of how badly the place needed to be cleaned. Jake laughed. "Possibly, we all know how he gets when he has to sleep alone." He said, making Dave laugh. He felt like absolutely no one understood just how clingy Dirk really was underneath his cold demeanor. "Yeah, I'll pay him back for that one. We should be fine for now, though, not that you aren't invited back."  
Jake seemed appreciative of the offer as he grabbed the bag he had brought with him the previous day, along with the keys to his car. "I'll visit the next time Dirk allows me out of his grasps. John was waking up when I last saw him, and I have some water on so you can make him something. But I have to get going." He got out, waving to Dave before exiting not that long after. Dave wouldn't outwardly admit it to anyone he had spoken to so far that day, but he was nervous for the first day where he'd be completely home alone with John. In the hospital was one thing, this was different. There weren't any doctors, no nurses or machines, just them.  
He might as well should just get it over with. 

To start everything off, he had to make sure John was awake. Sure, it was around eight, which was still relatively early, but the other had to get out of bed eventually. He walked up the flight of stairs, headed right into what was once their shared bedroom. Upon pushing open the door, he was immediately met with John, awake but almost looking in a catatonic state, staring at the wall directly besides the bed from where he was laying on his side. Dave frowned instantly.  
Of course the first day wouldn't be easy. 

"John?" Came Dave's voice, a soft near whisper as he stepped further into the room. John's eyes however never moved, never blinked, just stayed where they were, even as Dave sat down by his feet. "Good to see you up, dude. Come on, it's time to get up. Maybe you can take a shower? Eat some food?" He said, wanting to touch the other to reassure him but..he was afraid he'd snap the other out of his trance in the worst way possible.  
However, his words seemed to at least bring John down to reality, and his eyes broke their stare to instead look up at the Strider. His chapped lips parted. "I don't want to get up." He complained, voice devoid of most emotion, besides pure exaughstion. But Dave knew it wasn't his lack of sleep that made him unmovtivated to get out of bed.  
"I know you don't, but it isn't any good to lay around and do nothing. You'll feel better if you just eat something, alright?" Dave said. He was ready for this sort of back and forth to go on for hours, but for some reason, in what was a big victory for Dave, John seemed ready to give in. Maybe he was trying already to fight off how his body desperately wanted him to feel.  
Slowly, he sat up, and Dave took the liberty of pushing the blanket off the other. It was weird, because Dave knew their friendship wasn't at a great level. Sure, it was close and John would consider him his best friend, but it wasn't like they'd been married for twenty years to John right now. Yet, John seemed to just trust him and went with what Dave said. Dave already knew that it wouldn't be very often that getting John up would come this easy, so he wasn't about to waste the chance while he had it. 

John sat up with a wince at how much his very sore ribs seemed to reject the movement, but Dave whispered something that John payed no mind to, yet it somehow got him through it. As he swung his legs around the edge of the bed, Dave stood up, ready to lead the other wherever he wanted to go. But, John didn't move off the bed after that. Dave raised an eyebrow at him.  
"What's wrong, John? Are you sore?" He asked, moving to kneel the slightest bit in front of him, since John wasn't staring up and ahead at him. In fact, John seemed fairly unresponsive, to the point where if Dave didn't know John already, he'd debate bringing him to the hospital. Instead, John shook his head, even if the physical pain was very much as prominent as the emotional one. "Then what is it?" Dave continued to pry, wanting to get to the bottom of whatever was making John so..upset. It was always a list of different thoughts, and Dave wanted to know which ones to offer advice to.  
However, John had already given him such a gift by just sitting up, no way was he giving the satisfaction of straight up saying what was on his mind aswell. "I just..can't move." He offered after a few moments. It was about all Dave was going to get from him, and Dave knew he had to work with what he had. Luckily, he grew up in a family that seemed to make a tradition of mind games, so things like this..well, he could handle it.  
Dave stood up, offering the ravenette a hand. "I'll help you up, how about that? You can take a bath instead of a shower, too. Maybe you can eat your breakfast in it." He said, well aware of the fact that he was definitely treating John like a child. But the thing was, that was roughly how it had to go. You had to be careful about how you treated him, especially with this brain injury. It was easier when he was Dave Strider, his husband, but now he was just his best friend.  
John's eyes made contact with Dave's hand, and then Dave's eyes, seemingly processing what he had said. Though, he seemed to like the offer, taking the others hand as he stood up, very slowly, much like a baby taking it's first steps.  
It wasn't like Dave had much of a choice to object and suggest anything else. Telling John to move faster would probably guarantee he'd stop moving altogether.  
Instead, he just helped him up. "Good. How are your ribs feeling?" He asked, careful with how he gripped John's sprained wrist. 

John simply shrugged in response, and if he was in pain, he wasn't giving in and showing it. Sure, Dave was happy to not outwardly see him in any discomfort, but then again, he wasn't able to help treat it if he was hurting.  
"Are they feeling bad?" Dave asked, talking simple and slow, which of course was annoying. Even if he was doing his best to be supportive of the situation, he couldn't put down the fact that this was shitty. John was a grown man, but Dave had to treat him like one of their kids. He'd do what he had to do, but that wouldn't make it easier. 

"It all feels bad." John stated, vague and simple, returning exactly how Dave had spoken to him. Dave was grateful for the situation, as ominous as it was. "Alright. Let's get you in the shower, then you can get something for the pain." He said. John was more or less a puppet that would bent to Dave's will, devoid of all emotion, even if his eyes gave away plenty. He didn't know if it was a good or bad thing. 

He was sad. Heartbroken, lost. To him, he just woke up in a world where his dad was gone, and everything was just different. Dave really did feel for him, but that didn't mean he could just..stop living, and never fight.  
John nodded anyway though, going with whatever Dave said. The blonde started leading him out of the room, and down to the bathroom, which John instantly noticed all the changes to. There was a brightly colored shower curtain, and the counter was littered with straighteners and makeup and little bottles of shampoos and soaps. Once again, a drastic difference to what it used to look like for his family. 

Dave wrapped up John's cast, before deciding to leave the other to get undressed on his own.  
"Everything you need should be in there, so I'll leave you to it. I'll be around, so call me if you need anything." Dave said. He doubted John wanted Dave watching him get naked. Sad or not, John could handle a shower all by himself.  
Dave left, going back down the hall to their bedroom to get everything set for him when John got out, but made sure he at least heard the shower turn on first. 

Once in their room, he grabbed a new set of clothes, a cozy and comfortable pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. They had nowhere to be any time soon, so, Dave didn't bother with anything too glamourous.  
Next, he grabbed out all of John's painkillers, setting them all in a little cup. If Dave didn't know any better, he'd think that all of the various different colored pills were M&M's. Dave had a feeling that before he went back to work, this would definitely be alot of what his morning looked like. 

Before he went to get breakfast together for him, he decided to quickly drop off the clothes.  
However, upon stumbling into the bathroom, he was immediately met with the sight of the curtain being completely drawn back, with the shower still running. Yet, John wasn't standing. He was sat down, completely naked, staring at the shower head as the water hit him.  
Well, he definitely wasn't washing up like Dave hoped, and despite the fact that someone had barged in on him in such a vulnerable state, he still stared straight ahead. Not very reassuring, but it was definitely creepy if Dave didn't know any better. 

"John?" He said, setting the clothes down on the counter. The ravenette only then decided to look up at him, and of course, he hadn't taken his glasses off either. "Why are you on the floor?" He added.  
It was a rather dark thought, one Dave kicked himself for, but Dave hoped he just fell. He really hoped that John really had just fallen and couldn't get back up on his own, otherwise his head was a much darker place then Dave had thought.  
"I wanted to take a bath. But I couldn't find the plug." John got out after a moment. Dave was relieved. Sure, he did technically sit on the ground, but at least it wasn't a 'curl up and cry' kind of sit. Dave could deal with John wanting to take a bath, at least he wanted to be clean.  
He walked over and kneeled down, turning off the shower before grabbing one of the plugs that would fill the tub up. After, he turned the faucet on. 

"My arm hurts." John complained before Dave could leave. It was good that he was opening up about what hurt him, making it much easier to help him. Dave nodded. "I'll bring you your pills. Do you want anything for breakfast?" He asked. Really, it was just a way to gauge whether or not John had an appetite. Normally, even when he was a little sad or stressed out, he didn't.  
John did offer some sort of answer, though, which was a change. "Sort of." It was better then a shrug or a shake of the head. John's 'sort of' was a way of saying yes without sounding too eager.  
"Well, get all washed up. I'll go downstairs and make some oatmeal." He said, deciding to reserve the macaroni for the days where John didn't want to eat anything at all. Macaroni tended to be the one thing John caved in for. 

 

Dave left, leaving John to his bath as he went downstairs. He turned off the water Jake had put on before getting the container of oatmeal out of the cabinet above his head. Berries and cream, John's favorite.  
He dumped some into a bowl for well- his husband, but not exactly his husband. When did everything get so confusing? He almost couldn't keep up.  
It's like he never thought he'd reach a point in his life where even pouring a bowl of oatmeal had some level of complexity to it. Some hardships came naturally with being a parent, but this was unrelated to that, even if it was almost like taking care of a child. John was about as fragile as a baby. 

After setting the bowl down on the table for John, he made something for himself, realizing as his stomach growled that he hadn't eaten a proper meal in almost two days. Hardly any of them touched their McDonald's last night.  
By the time he was done with a bit of a more complex breakfast for himself, he was surprised to hear footsteps coming down the stairs. He truthfully believed he'd have to go and get John out of the tub himself, so, this was good.  
He poked his head out of the kitchen entrance, spotting the other, hair still fairly soaked and a mess of curls flopping against his forehead, but otherwise, actually looking fairly good. The bath must've helped in a few different ways.  
"Hey. I finished up your oatmeal, it's on the table. I'm finishing up something for me, but you can dig in." He suggested. John once again seemed content to comply, following Dave's lead and padding his way into the kitchen. 

It was quiet for a few minutes, besides the occasional cling of John's spoon against his bowl and Dave scraping his spatula along the bottom of his pan. Once his food was done, Dave went and sat down across the table from John, with his plate of French toast and eggs before digging in. It was only then that John spoke up, spinning his spoon around.  
"What do you guys usually do?" He asked. It was probably the only time John had shown an interest in what was technically once his life, and what his won life had used to be. Normally, he seemed pretty quick to reject altogether that this was once how he used to live. Dave was fast try and come up with an exciting way to say 'watch TV and fuck with each other mostly'. 

Instead, he offered a shrug of his own. "It depends. Sometimes the kids go out with Rose and Jade, and we sit around and watch marathons of movies and shitty TV shows. Or, we all go out and do something." Dave explained. They didn't really get up to a lot, and Dave never complained about that. He didn't mind all the lazy nights where they curled up on the couch together and laughed so hard at cheesy jokes that they almost cried.  
John seemed interested, though. "You watch movies with me? You always made fun of my movies." He said as he continued to poke at his oatmeal, scooping some into his mouth. "Well, you don't watch all the movies you used to. We usually pick one genre and binge on it. But, when we do watch your shitty movies, you normally look so content and happy that I don't care how bad they are." Dave explained with a simple shrug, like it was nothing. But, those sorts of days were his favorite. Even when they watched Ghostbusters or whatever Nic Cage movie John had chosen to obsess over, Dave always watched John's face twitch and light up with pure happiness more whenever the most iconic lines were spoken in that goofy ass voice.  
Those days, with John wrapped up in his arms, made Dave feel like he was living in a movie. 

"Can we watch some movies today?" John asked. He was trying pretty hard to fight it, but Dave could tell that the other was a bit flustered at how Dave had sort of ended up complimenting him. Afterall, Dave was technically his husband, of course he liked things like that about him.  
The blonde was very, very quick to nod. It wasn't surprising, John loved watching movies no matter what, but the thought of doing something so normal for the first time in awhile was like a breath of fresh air. "Yeah, yeah of course. You can dig through your movie stash and I'll make some popcorn. Nothing better then mindlessly staring at a TV screen for a couple of hours." He said with a chuckle, and was happy to hear John return it.  
Now, Dave had a way better feeling about the day to come. They finished up their breakfast in silence, but a good silence. The day ahead of him wasn't foreign to the point where he had no idea what was going to happen, it was familiar and exciting. 

Dave put the dishes away for him, letting John go off into the living room, which was arranged differently then he was used to, to accommodate for the flat screen they had hung up above the fireplace. He could hear John digging around the basket on the bookshelf as he tossed a bowl of popcorn into the microwave.  
By the time it was done popping, with only a small amount of kernels, John had successfully found a stack of movies for them to watch. Dave carried the bowl in, moving to clear a spot for it on the coffee table. He glanced down at the first movie ontop of the stack, picking up the case before turning on the TV.  
"Starting it off with Ghostbusters? A classic." Dave said. Truthfully, if it wasn't for John, he probably never would've seen that movie a second time. Now, he's seen it more times then not. John went and got comfortable on the couch, even if it took him a moment to find a sitting position that was easy on his ribs. "You can't go wrong with it. Alot of the movies in there look like garbage." John said, glancing around for a minute before grabbing one of the many blankets off the back of the couch. Dave snorted. "Alot of the movies in there you picked out." He said, relishing in the look of pure revalation on John's face at just the idea that he had a taste in movies that was truthfully so bad. 

Dave turned on the movie before going and settling himself down on the couch, grabbing down a blanket for himself. Normally, when they watched movies together, personal space wasn't something that existed, and they seemed to combine together in a mess of blankets like a burrito. But, right now, Dave was more then willing to keep space between them, sitting on totally opposite sides, wrapped up in their own blankets. The movie started, and the bowl of popcorn filled the space between them. But, they were happy, they were content, even if John wasn't his husband, and John was just his best friend.  
Right now, it wasn't the most ideal situation, but they weren't screaming at each other over the dining room table, and Dave would take that over anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is really well appreciated! Thank you for all the kudos and reads! It means so much to me!!


	8. Denial.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave refuses to accept that his problems are as big as they actually are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I PROMISE NOT EVERY CHAPTER WILL GO SO MUCH AROUND CASEY. 
> 
> This chapter does not reflect my feelings on alcohol or use of marijuana, and Casey's words are not meant to be disrespectful towards those with handicaps that hinder how they learn! Please keep that in mind!  
> ~Critique and hate are two very different things!~

The front door slammed open as Casey and Nic bounded inside the house, kicking their shoes aside and shrugging out of their hoodies. The sudden rush of movement and sounds made Dave realize that whatever time he thought it was, was clearly incorrect.  
Casey met his line of sight, raising a thick blonde brow. "I was almost hoping you were at work or something. But watching movies..that's a first." She said, scoffing softly. Dave oddly enough couldn't gauge if she was genuinely annoyed or not, but even if she wasn't, he still felt guilty. How the hell did he forget to pick up his kids? How did he get so wrapped up in movies with John? 

"I'm sorry, shit. Did Rose and Jade bring you guys home?" He asked, tossing his blanket aside, even if John's eyes didn't move off the screen. Despite Casey's attitude, Nic could care less, and if anything was glad to see his parents getting along. "Yeah! Jaspers spit a pacifier at me, but he also grabbed my hand! It was cool." The red head exclaimed. No one was as excited to have a baby cousin as Nic was, Dave didn't even want to know how he'd react the day he became an uncle, or a parent.   
Nic moved over to the couch, setting his bookbag carefully on one of the lounge chairs before sitting where the bowl of popcorn used to be.   
"How was your day?" Dave asked, glancing back curiously at Casey as well, but was surprised to see she'd already gone upstairs.   
They didn't really have the opportunity to all sit together and talk as a family sometimes, so when they did, it was rare that they just walked away and wasted it.   
Maybe she just had a bad day.

"Good! We started learning about fractions. My teacher gave me another Kit-Kat for getting all of my answers right." He said before fumbling around briefly with his bookbag. John's eyes broke away from the screen for once. "All of them?" He asked, shifting around a bit and fixing his blanket.   
Nic seemed overjoyed about the fact that John seemed to have an interest in him, therefore didn't pass up the opportunity. He kept digging around his bookbag until pulling out a folder, and showing John his worksheet, complete with a sticker and bright red '100! :)'  
John oddly enough looked genuinely proud, like Nic really was his son. He knew that had to please the red head. "That's cool. I like your teacher's choice in stickers." He said, causing Nic to smile in a way that was impossible for a person not to return.   
"I got to pick it. She said if I did good on the homework, she'll give me a present." He said, pulling out said sheet of homework.   
Dave didn't cut in or interrupt anything, like the scene in front of him was too fragile and he just might end up breaking it. John held a hand out, silently asking permission to see the homework paper, which Nic of course gladly handed over. 

His eyes scanned over it, seeming to relax back into the couch. Dave knew that John was great at math, and it was always his favorite subject in school, no matter the complexity. It was the one area he excelled in and had an interest in, which Dave used to mock him for, but he always found it pretty endearing.   
"These are easy, but I can help you, if you want." He offered, more than grateful for a distraction. Besides, Dave knew already that John didn't really mind Nic. No, he wasn't considering him to be his son, but this was better then the way things were with Casey.   
Who, ended up coming down the stairs as Nic agreed to John helping him. Dave sat up, seeing that she was overdressed for someone going to a football practice. Normally, she wore just a sports bra and some leggings, and maybe a track suit jacket over it all. But, she definitely never wore a crop top and a skirt, with her purse. 

"Casey?" He called. The teen came and stepped out of the kitchen, holding a granola bar, face bland and uninterested, but also like she was expecting every second of what was coming. For some reason though, the look she gave was almost defiant aswell. "What?" She asked, voice indifferent, which just raised more questions for Dave.   
"Where are you going? I thought you had football practice?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. She shrugged, tearing open the wrapper. "Yeah, but I'm not going. Justin wants to go to the mall." She said, nonchalantly, like that'd draw from the situation. She was even moving to leave already, before Dave could inevitably reject. 

He got up, blocking off the door before she could exit. What the hell was getting into his daughter? She wasn't upset about John anymore, but now she was blowing off something important to her like practice for the mall? It wasn't like her at all. 

"I can't force you to go to practice, but blowing it off for the mall? That's not you. You worked too hard to get into that team for that." He said. All of the arguing quickly earned John's attention, along with Nic's. Especially as Casey crossed her arms, refusing to believe what she was doing was wrong.   
"Since when do you know what I like to do? I go to practice because you want me to, not because I want to. I don't care about football." She said, her grip tightening on the strap of her bright yellow purse. Until Nic jumped in, anyway.   
"But you love football. You always hang out with Maddie during practice, too." He said, sitting up and dangling his arms over the back of the couch. 

The look Casey gave him was so many things, none being anything good, all being enough to bring even the strongest person to their knees.   
She turned, attention focused entirely on him. "What the hell do you know? Go back to your fractions that anyone your age has been taught already." She snapped. Normally, Casey's insults tended not to bother Nic all that much, he had become pretty thick skinned throughout his life. But that one stung, being on a new low.   
John didn't waste any time in jumping in to defend Nic, who sunk down into the couch out of her sight, which more or less brought the situation from bad to worse. "How are you snapping at them when they are just worried about you? Why are you being a child?" He said.   
This earned an aggravated scoff from Casey, who's hair whipped around her with the speed in which she turned around. 

"I'm the child? At least I don't throw tantrums and storm away when I don't get what I want. It was always something at the hospital! There's no ice in my water, this pillow is shitty, my IV hurts." She mocked in a high pitched, whiny sort of voice. "All we do is help you and all you do is treat us even worse than that. So, fuck you. You don't get a fucking say in my life." She yelled, turning afterwards. She shoved past Dave with no hesitance, before her father could register what she said enough to even think about stopping her.   
He saw the look Nic threw his way, one questioning every single second of what had just happened. Why exactly his funny and teasing sister had just turned into someone cruel. But Dave had no answers to offer. It wasn't new, but, if he knew anyone, he knew Casey. She didn't just storm out like that.   
Instead of answering, he tried salvaging the day. "Uh, hey. Why don't we order a pizza, and watch movies while you do your homework, Nic?" He asked, going back over to the couch, trying to quickly move them along. Whatever was going on with Casey, there was no need for either of them to get involved. He had a feeling he wouldn't be able to talk this one out of her. She wasn't at all someone who used Nic's shortcomings against him, or to say she never liked football. She loved football. 

**********

Needless to say, pizza and movies went over pretty well with both Nic and John, considering they all had to face Casey's wrath. Sure, Nic was used to some sass and joking around, but nothing like this. 

Once they had all settled back into the couch after divulging into their pizza, there was a knock on the door, which was quickly followed by the door opening. Dave didn't even need to sit up to know who it was.   
"Dirk, can you at least attempt to not break the door every time you open it?" Dave complained from his spot, where Nic had sprawled himself out over his lap. John even let him put his legs onto him aswell, and from the outside, you could probably barely tell they were a family held together by tape and glue.   
"Not my fault if you open the door like a wimp." Dirk shot right back as he stepped inside. He wasted no time in plopping down on one of the lounge chairs, and snatching a slice of now slightly cold pizza. But to him, you weren't really an American if you didn't eat cold pizza. Jake was with him, entering more silently as he sat on the arm of the chair, leaning back. Dave made another noise of objection as his brother ate his pizza.  
"Slamming my door open and eating my food? You wanna take my kids, too?" He said, even if he was partially serious with how one of them was being increasingly difficult. 

"You owe me one. You stole my boyfriend last night. Get an Egbert." He said. Dirk had a magical way of saying things that would be offensive and almost hurtful if not hidden under the illusion of sarcasm and humor. Sometimes, Dave would randomly come to terms with something he said in the middle of the night, and Dirk would wake up to texts with varying ways of saying 'fuck you'.   
John glanced up from his slice of pizza. "Speaking as one of the Egbert's in the room, I'm not interested." He said. Dave was glad though that John was joining in on the conversation, even if his prefered style of speaking was of course, a more hurtful approach. It was like Dirk, except at least Dirk knew how to make things like that sound funny. Dave also supposed it was a funny joke, if you weren't married to the person making it.   
"No matter how many times you guys explain the last name thing to me, it'll never make sense." Dirk said, of course with a very polite mouthful of food.   
Jake rolled his eyes at the fact that they were having this conversation one more time. "Our father had John and Jane, making them the Egbert's, but adopted Jade and I, and kept our last names." He explained, even if it went right over Dirk's head. Dave could probably recite this exact conversation word for word by now. 

"Okay, but don't kids usually take their dad's last name anyway? Why not just save the explanation and change your last name to Egbert, too?" Dirk complained with a shrug, even if his confusion was still prominent.   
"Dirk, aren't you supposed to be this huge genius? Why is this always the one thing that you always get stuck on?" Dave questioned. Insulted by the rhetorical question, Dirk tossed a pillow right at Dave's face, which landed on Nic in his lap. This caused the red headed Strider to stir awake from his nap to throw a tired glare Dirk's way, making Jake laugh.   
"You've awoken the beast. Be nice to our nephew." He scolded his boyfriend, who shot an apologetic look at Nic, who accepted it enough to go back to sleep. 

"I'm very nice to my nephew, it's my brother that I'm picking on, and he started it. First, he steals you, then insults my big brain. I'm innocent." Dirk claimed, shoving the final bite of pizza into his mouth.   
"Right, you're as pure as the virgin Mary herself." Dave replied sarcastically, heavy in his voice as he earned a middle finger from his older brother.   
"So, what did you guys come over for? Unless this is just something that usually happens." John spoke up, trying to understand more of what his life used to look like, which was something that pleased them all. 

"Dirk coming over to annoy me? That's pretty normal." Dave got out as he threw the pillow back at Dirk, stopping the other from firing back by gesturing to his happily napping son. Dirk shot a look at him instead of a pillow, peacefully laying his hands down and crossing them in his lap.   
"I come over to spend time with my family." Dirk insisted. That was honestly the reality, even if they liked to joke around about other things. Striders were very family oriented, to the point where they might as well should just be living altogether again. A house big enough to fit all of their various personalities just didn't exist, though. Dirk had checked.   
"And to annoy your brother." Jake cut in. Dirk looked up at the English before delivering a soft hit to his back. "He orders food from all the right places, too." Dirk gave in as he relaxed back on the couch, but still shot an admiring look to his brother. 

John continued to watch the back and forth between the Striders, letting them bicker like he had come to learn was normal. He sat up in the mean time, trying to grab a slice of pizza, but he instead had no choice but to flinch back as pain immediately shot over his rib cage at the action. Almost forgot about those.   
Dave caught the noise of complaint the other had made, glancing over at him just to meet John's look, instantly knowing what it meant, maneuvering around his very happily sleeping son to grab a slice of pizza. He handed it over to John as Jake watched.   
Jake seemed pleased by the other's appetite, though. When he was in the hospital, he refused to eat anything unless it was handmade by either Jade or Jake. Dave had snuck in McDonald's plenty of times, but that usually ended up getting split up between the kids and Dirk. So, it was nice for all of them that they were out of that stage.   
"It's good to see you eat something that isn't macaroni salad. Can't say pizza is a spectacular alternative, but it is a nice start." Jake said as John took a bite from his pizza. John seemed fairly happy for the praise.   
"It was good macaroni salad, though. But, you don't have to be all old and wrinkly to know that's not great for you." He shrugged as he looked at his brother. 

They continued on like that, and eventually Dirk and Jake invited themselves into the movie marathon. John and Jake completely took over the movie selection.   
It made both Striders groan at first, but they were both happy to watch whatever movie made both Dirk and Dave happy. It was the biggest cliche out there, but they were glad to be part of the stereotype.  
Time passed by, until it was almost eleven, and Nic had left them all long ago to sleep properly in his bed. Dave didn't realize the time exactly until the door flew open, and he knew that it was late. He almost could've looked past that, if she wasn't alone. It took everyone's attention off the screen. Because with Casey wasn't a person, but the very distinct smell of both alcohol and weed. It was like getting smacked in the face in the worst possible way.   
It was like Dave's problems were already a hill, but this one just turned them into a mountain. It was more then just the fact that she got high and drunk, it's all about why she felt the need to do it. She was perfectly happy, and now all of a sudden, this was who she decided to be? 

Everyone looked at her in such a state of shock that Casey had to blow off her original plan of running straight to her room before the scent could be picked up on. She gave an awkward wave with her eyes being slightly hooded and irritated. "Hii." She drawled out. Dave was up in seconds, closing the door completely behind her, trying to process exactly what was happening. Of everything going on, why did Casey have to add onto things like this? Why did she all of a sudden have to go through this sort of phase?   
"Casey- why do you smell like weed? Where the fuck have you been? It's almost midnight." Dave said, voice clearly irritated. There was no humor in it, nothing rhetorical. Nothing was funny about this situation, about Casey going down some path that he had no answers for.   
Casey was the total opposite however, where this whole situation was absolutely hysterical to her. Instead of a proper answer, she squinted at him. "How do you know what weed smells like?" She said, raising an eyebrow at him before giggling. She even genuinely attempted turning around to go to her room, but Dave wasn't having that.   
"Casey, this isn't funny. If you want to blow off practice, okay, fine. But to go smoke weed and drink? What the hell has gotten into you?" He said, crossing his arms in a stern way. Even when inebriated like Casey was, her father's disappointment and anger was almost as blatant as her intoxication. In a sober state of mind, this would absolutely destroy her.   
Right now though, she didn't care. Instead, she crossed her arms, prepared to sass him right back. "I'm havin' fun! I'm a teenager, they drink and smoke and have fun, who cares?" She slurred. This definitely didn't answer any questions Dave had. Then again, Casey was always very stubborn and a hard person to get through to. Why did he think this would be any different?

He didn't look enough to see that the answer was right in front of him, quite literally, too. He didn't want to believe that their problems were much bigger then they actually were. "You are fifteen, and your father and I raised you way better then this. You've never even broken curfew before." He said, even if he could practically see his words going in Casey's ear and out the other entirely.   
Casey raised her eyebrows as she grinned a bit, a response no one was expecting. "You and my father? I wonder what he thinks!" She said before tripping over her feet all the way to the couch. She slung herself across the back of it, giving John the same mischievous grin, which John didn't seemed all that pleased about. However, he at least knew when it was and wasn't good to throw in his two sense. This wasn't his daughter, and this was clearly an issue her father needed to deal with.   
Still, it didn't stop Casey. "Hey dad! How are youuu? Do you mind that I got totally shit faced? Drank a bunch, hit a big 'ole blunt, feeling good?" She almost purred out as she draped herself over the back of the couch. John looked around at the other three males in the room, hoping they could find a way to bail him out of the situation. Dirk was the first to join in, hoping to cash in on that bond he had with Casey. He got up off the lounge chair, cutting in by sitting down on the couch, making the other Strider redirect her attention to him. 

Dirk sighed. The night had previously been so..calm and happy. Now everything was all twisted. "Casey, come on. You know already that this isn't cool. You aren't that kid who smokes with the bad kids by the dumpster at school, you're way cooler then that." He attempted, trying to get through to her like Dave had so far failed at, with a more casual and laid back approach. However, Casey failed to pick up on the fact that everyone thought she'd done all of this because something was wrong with her. To her, they were just yelling to yell.   
"You guys are making a big deal out of nothing! Goddd, with all the shit happening- I'm surprised I'm the only one wasted right now!" She said, moving off the back of the couch, and doing a little spin in doing so.   
Dave was quickly coming to terms with the fact that Casey definitely believed what she had done was right and justified, and maybe when she was sober they had a fighting chance in trying to convince her that wasn't correct. Right now, he was clueless on how to deal with the situation, rubbing at his temples with his thumbs. 

Before he could help the teenager to her room, he looked up just in time to see her face practically go green. One look to Dirk and the other had shot up like a bullet, grabbing the little trash can they kept by the coffee table and handing it to Casey just in time for her to vomit the contents of her stomach into it.   
Dave could safely say that he never thought he'd be holding back his fifteen year old daughter's hair as she threw up a bunch of alcohol. And needless to say, he also didn't think he'd be watching her giggle happily once she had stopped.   
Her eyes, the blue color of which was just brought out by the irritation, met Dave's with an excited light to them. Before she could say anything, and make Dave any more annoyed with the situation, he moved forward.   
"Casey, let's go. You need to go sleep this off." Dave said, putting the trash can off to the side. Casey verbally objected the statement with a whine, though gave in fairly easily when Dave gently grabbed her arm. 

He lead her upstairs, dealing with her babbling on and on about something that he really thought he'd have to be drunk to understand.   
She laid in her bed without any complaint, even if she did whine when Dave turned to leave without kissing her goodnight. Which, was something she stopped wanting when she was about twelve. That's about how drunk she was.   
Once she had fallen asleep, he turned and went back downstairs just to meet the very confused faces of Dirk and Jake. John even seemed a little concerned. No, he wasn't Casey's biggest fan, but he still cared about her well-being. 

"What the hell was that? How long has she been coming home wasted?" Dirk was the first to question, anger clear in his voice, aimed at the situation more then it was aimed at any particular person. All Dave could do was try and make sense of this with them, since he was just as lost. He really didn't want to accept what the real issue was.   
"This is the first time. She's never done this shit before." He said, grateful Nic had gone to bed before he could see any of this.   
Jake was the first to say exactly what everyone was thinking, but was too hesitant to say. "Is it because of John? Is she still upset over the fight?" He asked, shooting an apologetic look to John, who waved it off. He wasn't in the place at all to comment, even if he was the problem. 

Dave shook his head fairly quick, though. "No, I talked to her about it. She was fine after that. Maybe she's just being a teenager. They do this kind of shit, right?" He asked. Dirk sighed, because he's sure they all knew exactly what he was about to bring up.   
"Roxy did that. She'd be drunk all the time, and we thought she was doing it to be a teenager. But that wasn't the case. We all went through that with her." Dirk said, clearly very reluctant to bring this situation up at all, because he knew what a dark time it had been for all of them. Roxy had been going through alot, and drank as a result. No one ever comforted or reassured her, because she'd convinced them it was for fun, not because she was depressed.   
Sure, she'd been sober for over ten years now, and had lots going for her. She was an amazing biologist, but that didn't mean she never had problems before.   
Dave bit his lip, knowing all of this already. He just didn't want to accept that was happening to him all over again, with his daughter, nonetheless.  
"Maybe you guys should head home. It's getting late." He got out softly, just needing time that Dave seemed hesitant to give him. If he was right, Casey would need support sooner rather then later. But getting through to his brother right now was about as difficult as getting through to Casey had been. 

Still, he got off the couch, nodding at Dave. "Fine, but think about it, okay?" Dirk said before walking over to him. "I will, I promise. Just go home and go to sleep." He said, earning a firm pat on the back from his brother which he gladly returned. Jake smiled and waved his farewell, which John happily returned.   
After they had gathered their things and left, John's gaze shifted from his brother's retreating form to Dave. He seemed to be trying to gauge what the other was feeling, but, was coming up empty. Instead, he came out quickly with his question. "Do you think it's my fault?" He asked. The question seemed completely out of nowhere to Dave, since John didn't care at all about the sort of problems he caused, and he definitely never blamed himself for things.   
Still, Dave answered as truthfully as he could. "I don't think so. I think she's just being a teenager." He said. There were plenty of other possibilities, but none were good, none made sense to him. So naturally, instead of trying to make sense of them, he denied them altogether. He wouldn't even let himself think about Dirk's theory. He already had too much going on, how could he worry about something that big ontop of it all? 

John seemed content with that answer. "Can we go to bed now, too? I'm tired." He asked.   
Dave nodded, and helped the other off the couch. He ran through a whole list of things to do with John, making him take his meds and brush his teeth, then giving him different pajamas to change into.   
About twenty minutes later, John was comfortably asleep in bed, while Dave stared at the ceiling from where he was laid across the couch. Of course, John didn't want to be sharing a bed with someone who thought he was their husband. It was only then that he realized just how much his happy little life had changed, it was only when he was alone did he let himself fall apart. 

Curled up and completely alone, facing more battles then he knew how to cope with, Dave blinked away tears and choked back sobs. He let himself fall asleep without thinking about everything he'd done.


	9. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John comes to terms with the situation he's found himself in after Dave leaves him alone, per John's request. But, upon exploring the house and realizing exactly all that's changed around him, he's left scared for his future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!! Okay, so, sorry that it's been forever since I updated! I was struggling with the direction I wanted this chapter to go in, and have pages of writing that was rejected for this chapter. But, now I have outlines and summaries figured out for the rest of the story (which should very very roughly have about 20 chapters by the time it's finished), so it should be a little easier to write it. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who stuck around to read this!

A week passed after that, with each day going from bad to worse. There were two days when Casey didn't come home at all. The one day she did, it was only because Dave was called to get her from school, because she'd shown up high.   
  
Halfway into the week, Dave had to go back to work, which meant he had to hire a homecare nurse to come and take care of John, since no one else could be there.   
Of course, he sent her running, so he had to take more time off of work until he could find someone else. So, now he had more to do when he eventually went back, and still had to take care of the kids. He didn't want to consider his kids a chore, but it seemed like everything was so draining nowadays.   
Getting the kids to school proved to be probably the easiest part of his day, where he could focus completely on being a father. Though, it was mostly Nic who he dropped off, since Casey barely was home in the mornings. Luckily, Rose and Jade seemed fine with bringing Nic home from school, and Casey, whenever she decided to come home.   
  
Dave had just come back from dropping off Nic and a very moody Casey, and wasn't exactly looking forward to his 'routine' with John.  
The doctor had been pretty strict about what he needed to recover. He needed to move so his ribs healed properly, and if he didn't throw himself into everyday life, his memory would have a harder time coming back.   
John seemed to want to go right against that advice, though. Dave had been trying to wake him up for the past twenty minutes, but absolutely nothing was working.  
  
"John, get out of bed. I'll make you something to eat, and we can watch movies, okay?" He tried, knowing it would fail. Everything he tried failed to succeed, since John was awful at listening to anything that went against what he wanted. Right now, what he wanted was apparently to be all but dead.   
John shook his head in refusal. "I'm tired." He complained, pulling the massive blanket up tighter around him. Dave wasn't believing anything he said for a second. John would have endless excuses, and he knew every single one of them. "You've got more then eight hours of sleep. You're being dramatic. At least sit up." He said, before moving to sit down on the bed by John's feet.   
  
John drew his legs up in response. "Dave, go away. I'm staying here." He said. Well, at least he wasn't saying excuses anymore. Things were either going to get really good or really bad from now, though. He didn't give his friend the satisfaction of making eye contact.   
"Does anything hurt, is that it? Can you give me an inch here, dude? This is already hard enough. And, besides, how do you not have to pee?" Dave tried joking his way into John's good graces, hoping the entire morning didn't have to be spent with him begging John to even give what he was saying a chance. "I'm not giving you anything. The only thing that hurts if you constantly talking. Leave me the hell alone." He said, tugging harsh enough on the blanket that Dave had no choice but to move.   
  
Dave was a stubborn person, just like John was. He knew exactly how to get people to do what he wanted. But right now, he didn't even begin to try. Instead, he got off the bed with an aggravated sigh. "Fine, if you want to rot away like a corpse, fine. But do you mind maybe not passing your misery onto the nurses I hire to help you? I need to work, so stop running them off." He snapped, which he knew wasn't very smart at all. He'd gotten into a lot of arguments with John in the past few days, and while nothing ever affected the ravenette, Dave got hurt fairly easily. Well, at least that got John to sit up, slow as it was.   
"Then leave. Go! I've been telling everyone for days to leave me alone, I can take care of myself. I don't need a nurse or you. Don't blame me for your problems." He exclaimed.   
Dave didn't say anything for a minute as his fists clenched at his sides. How the hell could John not see that he was easily the source of every single one of Dave's problems right now? That was just being oblivious, even if he wasn't one to talk.   
"You are my problem! And we both know if I left right now, you'd be screwed. I'm trying to help. Is it so hard to just stand? Eat a bowl of cereal? Have a decent day for once?" He said. But, John didn't seem interested in living what Dave called a decent day. "That's a decent day for you, for your life. I'm not your husband anymore, and you have enough to deal with, don't you? Go deal with it." John finished, laying back and pulling his blanket back over himself.  
  
Dave decided that fine, if John was so sure of the fact that he'd be fine without Dave, then he could figure out if that was true for himself. As John's attention was redirected to about anywhere else but on him, he took his chance, leaving just like the other had wanted.   
It probably wasn't the right way to deal with the situation at hand, to just run away from it. But Dave had a mountain of work to do, and if John wouldn't comply, he'd force him to see that Dave's way was the only way. It wasn't like he was even asking a lot from him to begin with; who would've thought someone would have a problem getting pampered?  
  
Upstairs, John was still convinced he was perfectly fine without Dave. He was sixteen, he knew when to get out of bed and how to feed himself, and it wasn't like that was the problem in the first place. He just didn't want to get out of bed.  
Ever since he'd woken up, he couldn't get over the fact that it felt like he was sleepwalking. That sure, this had all the signs of being his life, but it wasn't. He wasn't gay. His father wasn't dead. He wasn't even out of high-school yet.   
Except, in this reality, he was. It was impossible to process, and even harder to do. How was he supposed to live a life that wasn't his without his father? So, yes. He'd stay in bed as long as he wanted.  
  
Well, he would've, anyway. But, Dave was right about one thing. He did have to pee. Ontop of that, he couldn't sit up on his own. His pride wouldn't let him call Dave, though. Instead, he figured it out on his own, barring his teeth as he tossed the blanket aside. He sleepily rubbed at his eyes before putting on his glasses. First, he threw his legs over the side of the bed. Slowly but surely, he pulled himself up, his ribs protesting every step of the way.   
Okay, he should've told Dave to leave after he got his pain killers, because he didn't know where the other kept them. Still, one obstacle aside, tackle his current bladder problem before anything else.  
  
The second he stepped foot into what used to be a bathroom so immaculate you could conduct surgery in it, he was reminded once again of how wrong this life was.  
It was just as blatant as he finished what he had to do, and decided to show Dave just how independent he was. So, he slowly padded his way downstairs just to be met with an empty living room. And kitchen, and bathroom.  
Huh, Dave really took 'leave me alone' to another level. He really left.   
Well, fine, John was more then capable of spending a day by himself.   
  
He went into the kitchen, starting to dig around the cabinets. No, he didn't exactly know how to cook, but you didn't need to be a chef to make a bowl of cereal. As he walked back into the living room, he paused to turn on the TV and mess with the settings, it was only then that he was able to see what was in all of those picture frames.   
Him and Dave were in a lot of them, which was expected. There was a frame with them both looking a lot younger, in dark purple caps and gowns, holding up two diplomas and grins spread over the lips they had pressed against one another. Besides it was a pastel blue frame with stereotypical baby icons, like rattles and pacifiers, containing a picture of a baby with tight red curls rested on his forehead. One more of them next to it showed them holding hands with a blonde toddler on the steps of a school. It was all upsetting, to say the least, to see the evidence of what was a life he hadn't lived. But, then his eyes fell on a whole different category of pictures.   
In all white frames, were his and Dave's wedding pictures. Included in them was his father. One where they were both dancing, his father looking so proud, so happy. In the background, he could see Dave, looking so purely in love. He was dancing with his father, at his wedding. He'd gotten married, his father had already walked him down the aisle. It didn't feel real before this.   
  
He set his bowl aside, suddenly losing all appetite as his stomach seemed to drop, and twist almost painfully.   
It was an irrational thing to feel, but it almost felt like his father had gotten stolen away from him. Like he'd gotten to live an entire life already, losing experiences he'd never get to feel again. But John had to deal with this. This feeling that something was missing, that everything had been put on fast forward, and he'd never be able to catch up. He'd never get any of that time back. This was all that was left.   
He knew Dave hated him, too. No, he didn't consider Dave to be his husband, but he also didn't consider him as absolutely nothing. Dave was still his best friend. This was an awful time for both of them, but right now, the one thing that helped nothing was getting treated like his problems were nothing and he was incompetent for experiencing memory loss. This wasn't easy for him.  
He'd been so lost in despair but now he was filled with something else. He was just filled with anger.   
  
Just like that, his big grand individual day dedicated to taking care of himself turned into him staring at the frames from the couch. The milk in his cereal had long since grown room temperature.   
It wasn't like this was new, it seemed like nowadays, all he did was feel bad about himself. He was so upset that it translated into anger and sometimes- he couldn't process why or what for. But now, he was starting to understand things more.   
He thought that would feel good, and he could start to feel better. But coming to terms with the fact that he had missed a majority of his life with his father was devastating.   
  
******  
  
 ** _ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 16:13_**  
  
 ** _EB: dave!_**  
 ** _TG: egbert_**  
 ** _EB: what are you doing right now?_**  
 ** _TG: trying to get shit done_**  
 ** _EB: you're doing homework for once?_**  
 ** _TG: fuck off_**  
 ** _TG: you wish you could do homework last minute like I do_**  
 ** _TG: and still pass_**  
 ** _EB: whatever, that's not important!_**  
 ** _EB: get on skype!_**  
 ** _TG: why_**  
 ** _TG: so you can harass me more_**  
 ** _TG: i know youre new to this but boyfriends don’t harrass each other_**  
 ** _EB: that's what you signed up for._**  
 ** _EB: just get on skype, asshole._**  
  
 ** _John looked at the little icon that popped up on his desktop, saying turntechGodhead was now online. He grinned as he spammed Dave with messages to hurry up and call him already. He was impatient, given what he had to share. How did he ever get both so fortunate and cursed with this guy for a boyfriend? They'd only been dating for roughly a few months, but, the journey they'd had to get to these past few months made it seem like a life time._**  
 ** _Eventually, John didn't want to wait anymore, and he pressed the call button, and Dave's face popped up on his screen. His room was dimly lit, as expected, even if he was supposed to be working. John smiled at his boyfriend, who didn't usually show the expression to many, but John was fortunate enough to always see it._**  
 ** _"What are you ruining my homework session for?" He asked, lips set into an annoyed line which John already knew not to take serious. Especially considering the news he had to share. He held up an envelope, and Dave raised an eyebrow at what John knew was probably a blurry image. "You'll be glad I ruined your bullshit session. Look what I got!" John said excitedly._**  
  
 ** _John could see it when the image cleared for Dave, and he was able to see the envelope, with a stamp from a university set safely over the top. That instantly drew Dave's attention, who even took off his shades to make sure it was true. "Seriously? Shit- wait, let me see if I got something." He said, shooting up at a rate in which John had to bite back a laugh as he saw the other stumbling over his feet._**  
 ** _He could barely hold back his excitement, just wanting to tear into this envelope right then and there. It was their future, the day they'd been dreaming of ever since Dave had opened up about Bro's abuse. The second they graduated, they'd both apply to the same college in Washington, and live together. It'd all end then._**  
  
 ** _Dave came stumbling back in a few moments later, holding an envelope that matched John's. John grinned back in response, and Dave did the same. It was a rare expression that only began to cover moments as special as these._**  
 ** _"I got mine- shit, Dirk did too, but he's not home, and I don't want to wait." Dave said, reading over the envelope over and over like it was just too good to be true. John  waved a hand dismissively. "Whatever, let's do it, okay? He can open his with Jake. Ready?"_**  
 ** _Dave nodded, their expressions bright and ready for the future these envelopes had to give them._**  
 ** _Slowly, they counted down. 3, 2, 1, they tore open the envelopes, Dave ripping his completely in half. They pulled out their papers, eyes quickly scanning over the sheet before meeting one another._**  
  
 ** _"I got accepted!" They both yelled in unison._**  
  
*********  
  
John didn't know where that came from. Why did he remember pure joy and relief at the feeling of being accepted into the college of his dreams with the boy of his dreams?   
He didn't even date boys. He didn't like boys, he wasn't out of high-school yet. Yet, he felt a kind of happiness he'd never felt before.   
  
The door flew open, and just as quick as the memory came, it was reduced to just a blur.   
Jade stepped in, Jaspers settled on her hip. Instead of coming in all the way, she stopped at the doorway, smiling over at her dazed brother. "Hey, John. Do you want to come with me to get all the kids? Figured you could use a break from this house." She asked. It took John a moment to process what it was she had said, but, wow was he ready to get away from all these…reminders, or what had been, but he didn't get. John was already extending a hand  to Jade so she could help him up. She laughed at her brother's eagerness. "Alright then, but I'm warning you, the twins can be crazy sometimes after school."   
  
John seemed too excited to care. He'd do just about anything to get away from all these pictures that were staring at him. So, he got up and instead got dressed, ready to go and continue on with what was his life.   
Not that long after, they were parked outside the school, in a line with all the other waiting parents. John was surprised but amused to see that Jade drove a dull green mini-van, complete with mini-TV's and a collection of movies. John wasted no time in teasing her about how she had become a classic mom. With the radio going quietly in the background, along with Jaspers content babbling as he played with a small stuffed animal, they waited in a comfortable silence. John drummed his fingers on his door as the back door was thrown open.  
"Hi mom! Hi Uncle John!" Izzy exclaimed as she got in, kissing her brother's cheek as she walked past him to her seat. Jade turned around and smiled at them as Theo and Nic climbed in aswell. "Hey guys. How was your day?" Jade asked, glancing back as the three  of them buckled up. Theo popped her head up. "Good. Casey said she's going to Maddie's, and that she already told Dave." She informed. However, Jade turned back around in her seat and rolled her eyes.  
"I'm sure she did. But, I'm still telling Uncle Dave."  
  
John didn't want to question the situation with Casey. Dave didn't seem like he completely understood the intensity of it, and he raised Casey. So, it wasn't his place at all to try and make sense of anything, especially since he was a bit biased and couldn't see reasoning.   
To John's surprise, it was Nic that spoke up about her next. While everyone was lost in doubt about her, Nic was the only one who still tried to see the good side, and spoke of her casually, not even bringing up the situation at hand.   
"She was upset. I think she had a fight with Maddie." Nic said, staring out the window of the van.   
  
John glanced back at the redhead. "Maddie?" He asked. The name sounded familiar, but he wanted to be sure. Nic nodded. "Yeah, Maddie. That's her best friend. Kai told me they had a fight." He said, lips drawn into a tight line, looking like he felt bad for betraying his sister's secrets like that. It made him a bit more curious as to what else he was hiding behind that expression. Not their father, John had to remember that. Still, he did pry.   
"Why do you think they fought?" He asked. It wasn't like he was worried or anything. Calm and collected was his middle name.  
  
Nic shrugged. "Casey gets mad at anything. I think Maddie didn't like Casey drinking all the time." He admitted, making Jade suck her teeth at them. "Maddie has the right to be mad about that, Casey shouldn't be drinking, but she's too stubborn to listen to us. Just wait till she gets hit with a point zero." Jade said, looking at the road ahead as she pulled off. Point zero, though, that was a new one.  
Izzy and Theo looked like they already understood the term, but when John looked over at Jade, she explained.   
"It's an old surgical term for when everything goes wrong when it shouldn't." John made a noise of understanding, glancing down at the ground. Right. John remembered hearing about Jade doing a surgical internship before becoming a vet.  
  
Still, he sighed, standing up for Casey for once.   
"I don't think that's it. But, I still think you're right about her needing to figure out what's wrong all by herself. She isn't gonna listen to anything we have to say." She was stubborn, and John could see where it came from.  
Even if their problems weren't exactly the same, he knew they were in similar situations, where they needed help but was too full of pride to admit it. Maybe this girl really was his kid.   
  
With spirits in the car down, Jade made the suggestion of stopping at McDonald's before going back to John's house. Needless to say, this was met with joy.   
Back at the house, John was surprised to see Dave had returned, sitting on the couch typing something away on his laptop, shades settled ontop of his head. Nic instantly bounced over to him, greeting his father with happiness. Though as he wrapped his arms around his son, John could see Dave's eyes scanning for Casey, and looking disappointed in not seeing her. Jade caught the look aswell. "She's with Maddie. Even though she probably also had a fight with Maddie." Jade said with a sigh.   
  
Dave sighed, but before he could allow himself to be upset, Nic moved back from the hug to quickly distract. "I got a 100 on my math test. Well, a 98, but I still got a sticker." He said excitedly. Dave was quick to forget about all the drama with Casey, for right now, anyway. Right now, Nic had passed his test.   
Jade left Jaspers with John for a moment as she went to get the table set for their McDonald's feast. John seemed very proud of Nic as he settled himself down on the couch besides him. The past week, he'd been helping him excel in plenty of academic areas, fractions and general math especially.   
Nic pulled out the test, and John looked it over happily, and glanced at what'd been marked incorrect. "Oh- you didn't use the same number on both sides. Still, it's good work. Do you have any other assignments?" He asked.   
As Nic pulled a folder from his bookbag, looking through it, John looked down at Jaspers and smiled, gently bounching the baby who made a happy, burbling noise in response. When he looked at Dave, he had to pretend he didn't see a look of pure adoration on the other's face.   
  
*****  
 _"John, do you know how to hold a camera?" Dave teased his husband, who shot him a glare. "Fuck off, it's not focusing." John said, glancing over the top of the camera at his husband._  
 _Dave rolled his eyes. "Put down the camera, and take her." He said, stepping out of the frame completely._  
  
 _John was about ready to object, but knowing Dave could work this thing way better, he didn't verbally object. Instead, he set down the camera before carefully taking their little blonde toddler from Dave. Her bright blue eyes peeked open, looking up at her father from her favorite stuffed bunny. A smile spread quickly over her face as she nudged her head against his shoulder. Dave watched the sight with a look of pure adoration and affection, watching his husband and his daughter fall completely in love with one another._  
 _"Do you think she'll ever say something?" He asked, breaking their contact to look at Dave._  
  
 _Casey hadn't said a word her entire year long stay at the orphanage, and that continued so far during her time with them. The new parents didn't mind at all. Something about Casey's attitude and personality were so dazzling that they didn't even care. Even if she never made a sound, they'd still adore her all the same._  
 _"Maybe she will. Maybe she won't, but I don't think it matters. Let's focus on getting all these cuts healed." John said, thumbing gently over a band-aid on his daughter's face._  
 _Even with her disability, she was still radiant, beaming with pure joy at the touch that was foreign but welcomed to her, even if it was over a sensitive area._  
  
 _Dave shrugged, meeting the gaze of Casey and smiling right back at her. It was impossible not to be happy at the appearance of that smile._  
 _He stepped back, lifting up the camera, pointing it at the two. John didn't even have to pose; looking at Casey like she was the center of the universe, and Casey looking back at him like she valued him more then anything. That was a picture worth a thousand words._   
  
******  
  
"Hey, do homework later. Come and eat." Jade's voice interrupted John from his flashback, from another reminder of a time he never had.   
Still, he refused to speak up about it. He didn't need everyone fretting over him and asking him what the memory was all about, and steal the details from him. He'd probably forget it anyway, and get everyone's hopes up. He got up, following behind Nic and Dave into the kitchen, carefully handing Jaspers over to his mother.   
They didn't have a highchair anymore, but Jade seemed fine with cradling Jaspers in one of her arms.   
  
As they started picking at their food, Dave glanced around the table before looking at Jade. "Is Rose working today?"  He asked curiously, eating a fry as Jade nodded. "Yup, she's starting to schedule all her appointments during the days now, so she can be home for dinner. I'm not working weekends anymore, unless its an emergency." She explained. John found himself interested a funny amount in their everyday life. To him, he sort of went into the future, and now he got to see how everyone closed to him turned out.   
"Smart. John stopped working weekends when we had Nic. It's easier. Gives you more time to bond, too." John paused briefly as Dave explained. Sometimes, he really did forget he was technically thirty-six. He paid taxes.   
  
"Where did I work?" He asked curiously, tilting his head curiously.   
Dave took a sip from the bright pink milkshake Jade had slid his way. "Well, you were a supervisor at some factory at that point. Hated that job, though. Only thing you liked was the pay. It was like thirty dollars an hour." John's eyebrows shot up at that. Why the hell would he hate a job that paid so much?  
Dave could see John confused at the idea. "Trust me, that place wasn't worth the money. Besides, you like being a professor way more." He said with a shrug, messing with the straw between his lips. At this point, John was so curious about himself that he forgot about the food.  
"A professor? That's cool! What do you do, then?" John asked, looking so animated that Dave seemed more then willing to divulge in the details of their current life instead of the past. It was good he wanted to know these things, besides, seeing his face light up so much always reminded Dave of who it was he fell in love with.   
"I design marketing campaigns and logos, stuff like that, for a toy company. It's pretty fun, actually."   
  
John looked around the table in amazement. "Do any of us have jobs that aren't cool?" He said. Jade looked over at Dave, like she was already anticipating his answer, and narrowing her eyes in warning. It didn't stop Dave, though. "Rose is a therapist. That's pretty uncool." He said, before making a sound as he choked on his milkshake as he was kicked under the table by Jade, who smiled innocently. She gestured to her happily sleeping baby before Dave could return it. Well, it was good to see they had a fun relationship.   
"But Dirk doesn't really even have a specific title. He works for whatever company hires him to do whatever illegal things." Jade pointed out, gently bouncing her sleeping child.   
Dave made a firm noise of objection, stepping in for his brother. "Bullshit, it's not all illegal. Jake is a mechanic, that's boring." Dave defended, which just earned him another kick from under the table. John found him absentmindedly picking at his fries as he watched the two bicker. It was like dinner with a show, whenever he got into a room with any of them. He always remembered Dave treating Jade like an angel from above, but it was good to see that he realized how condescending that ended up being.   
  
"Hacking into huge corporations to steal project ideas before they're even released? Right, not illegal at all. And, Jake is a great mechanic, by the way." She said, jumping to the defense of her brother.   
"Right, I'm sure Rose is a great therapist. She probably annoys people into getting better."  
Despite it being their mother Dave was talking about, he caught the twins giggling at his joke, along with John. No, this wasn't really his life. But, maybe John could accept the idea a little more.   
  
  
  
Eventually, John somehow ended up becoming the designated homework helper. Dave had dug out Nic's old playpen for Jaspers to sit in while Jade helped him tackle some of the mess that had built up in the kitchen. John used to handle all the cleaning.  
"Uncle John, does this response make sense? The question doesn't make any sense. How can you ask the theme to a story when the story just pokes fun at things?" Izzy complained as she passed her notebook  in John's direction. John took the book, looking it over before looking back at his niece. "It looks good. But that is just about one way to figure out the theme, I guess. If that makes sense." He said. For a moment, as the confusion seemed prominent on her face, John was prepared to explain further. But, realization soon enough dawned over it as she nodded, looking down to readjust her answer.   
  
As he moved back to Nic, all four were interrupted from their homework session by the door opening up. Naturally, a strong breeze came with it, carrying the scent of Casey's activities with her.   
Dave came out of the kitchen, already tearing the gloves he'd been wearing to clean off of his hands. He used to be fairly nice and civil until Casey got loud, but they'd run through this so many times that Dave just skipped right ahead.   
"You were at Maddie's?" He asked, raising an eyebrow in a way that was just daring Casey to lie to him. The teen nodded anyway, and Dave made an annoyed sigh. Jade stepped out with him, looking down at the girls and a now very attentive Jaspers.   
  
"Dave, I'm gonna bring the kids home so you can deal with this." Jade spoke up as she came out of the kitchen. Her kids didn't need to hear the screaming match that would end up happening. John hugged his sister, Dave nodding as he dug around in his pocket for his phone. They both waved goodbye to their nieces and nephew as Jade helped them out the door. At least Dave was holding off on what he was going to say until they could leave. Casey however, scoffed amusedly.   
"Yeah, go ahead, Aunt Jade. Get your kids away from me, world's worst influence! Worst person to ever exist. Tell Aunt Rose I say hi while she gives you a list of bullshit reasons I'm acting out!" Casey snapped as Jade scooped up Jaspers, who seemed to have an interest in getting held by his cousin. Jade was quick to shut that down, pulling her son away.   
"Don't start, Casey. Do us all that, and don't start." Jade warned. She was normally kind when disciplining, but she also wasn't one to be kind when something awful needed to be spoken up about. This family didn't need another screaming match. Casey rolled her eyes as everyone left, and attention was directed back at Dave and Casey, who definitely looked like they were about to duel it out.   
  
John knew how the arguing would distress Nic, so he stood up, gathering Nic's papers as the youngest Strider rose with him. "Let's take this upstairs, Nic. Easier to focus up there." It was an excuse and they all knew it, but Nic didn't need to see all of this.   
"Go ahead. I'm gonna call Maddie's mom to hear about Casey visiting." Dave said, scrolling through his phone in search of something.   
  
Casey was already rejecting what Dave said, but John had whisked Nic away upstairs before the real arguing could start. Dave didn't like arguing with Casey, he didn't like having to be the bad guy, John had learned that fast. But he'd do anything to make sure Casey didn’t' go down the wrong path.   
Nic couldn't focus on his homework, though, not when all he could hear from downstairs was the sound of his family falling apart.   
John may not be a father, but Nic was a good kid who didn't deserve any of what John had caused. "Hey, let's focus on this, okay? We're almost done with number eleven." He said, setting the work down on Nic's bed. Nic wasn't the kind of kid that let negative things affect him. When he was dropped on the head by Casey, he giggled and hugged her. He loved his family more then anything. So, it destroyed him to see them all at one another's throat.   
  
"They never argue like this. Whenever they are mad, they still say sorry when they yell. But they haven't even said sorry." He said, turning and sitting down on his bed. John frowned before he went and sat down beside him. Comfort wasn't John's area of expertise, but he also wanted to do whatever he could to help out Nic.   
"Sometimes, the problem is too big for an apology to fix. Right now, I think they both want to say sorry, but they are too upset to get it out yet. It's all kind of petty, if you think about it."  
  
Nic seemed unconvinced that that was the situation at hand, though didn't say anything. Instead, as John settled on the bed, he settled right besides him. Without hesitating, Nic leaned his head into John's shoulder, only realizing after a moment that the other might not like that. But, John wrapped his arm around the boy that was supposed to be his son.   
If this was what Nic needed, he didn't care. He'd do whatever he needed to get through this. There wasn't a lot John could do for everyone else to pick up the pieces he forced out of them, like some messed up game of Jenga, but he could do this.   
  
John caused all of this, afterall. Everyone told him story after story of how happy everyone had been, and everyone was happy even now, whenever the situation didn't involve him. But, now John was at fault for destroying a family he didn't even know about, and he was definitely feeling the side effects of that.   
He was full of regret for an issue that wasn't his fault, but someone had to take responsibility.   
So, if Nic needed a hug, he'd be damned if he wasn't the one to offer it. None of them deserved this.   
  
They both fell asleep to the sound of a broken home.   
 


	10. Bargaining.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Casey's situation advances, and John goes both one step ahead and then one back, Dave becomes desperate for change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've actually had this chapter done for a few days, but I handwrite these chapters and then type them up, so it takes a little longer to upload them. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for those who are sticking by the story! Both chapter 10 and 11 are a little bit shorter then the other ones, but I hope you enjoy anyway!

Dave was waiting for the third time for John to come downstairs. He kept going upstairs, just to hear promises of 'I'll be down in one second', even though John was still covered in blankets. Rose had brought Nic to school for Dave that morning, and Casey was following John's lead in the fact that she didn't bother moving out of bed. And, the only way Dave could talk her down from dropping out completely was letting her take the day off.  
Dave had enough battles, so he didn't bother, he just let it happen. Besides, he knew Casey was far enough behind in school that one day didn't even matter anymore.  
The only time this entire journey that John got out of bed for Dave with absolutely no problem was the day previous, when he'd fallen asleep in Nic's bed with him. 

But now, they weren't even back at point A. If it was possible to have negative letters like there were numbers, they'd be at the point. One step forward, then about six backwards into a whole new universe.  
So, he had half of his direct family laying in bed, refusing to move. Naturally, he burned some toast for them, even if he doubted Casey would even peek open an eye before noon. 

He padded his way upstairs with a cup of orange juice in tow, deciding to use the juice as a lure out of bed, and the toast as a lure downstairs. It wasn't like Dave wanted to do this every morning, but, if John didn't get up and move around properly, his ribs wouldn't heal right. The doctor had been fairly strict about that, along with John properly taking his medication. Dave had been leaving the pills for John every day since he got home. But, maybe it was a bit ridiculous to assume that John took them like he was supposed to.  
Still, he went upstairs anyway. He wasn't surprised to see that John had of course not moved from the bed, and was still wrapped in a tightly in all of the blankets. 

Dave sighed, and John looked up at him, eyes dull but knowing. "John."  
"Dave."  
"Don't be a smartass."  
"Don't be an ass." John retorted as Dave stepped over, setting the glass down on the table besides the bed.  
"You need to move, and no, it's not because I'm desperately craving for you to stand up and swoop me up in your arms. But if you don't move and do what you're supposed to, you won't heal."  
Just like that, John's gaze shifted away from him, and he could practically see it when the light turned off in his head.  
"Maybe I don't want to heal."

It was Dave's ultimate downfall that he didn't look deeper then the surface when it came to stuff like this. John's words could mean a million different things, but Dave was so desperate for it to all mean one thing that he didn't even consider it.  
"Do you think you could at least try? This isn't just for me anymore, not that that ever even encouraged you." Dave's voice was gradually growing more and more angry, so he put less and less thought into what he said.  
It didn't stop John getting just as angry at his words. He didn't move to sit up, but he did raise an eyebrow, challenging what Dave had said. 

"You think I don't try? Not just for you, but for everyone else? Did you know the whole world doesn't fucking revolve around you, and your problems?" John snapped. Dave could see this morning was going to start with burns that weren't just on his toast.  
"You don't act like it. I get that what you're going through sucks, but-" Dave started, but was cut off as John actually did sit up, even if with great difficulty.  
"No, you see that? The 'but'? You don't get to say how I feel or put it down. You don't know what I'm going through."  
"Neither do you! So who are you to talk, John? This is shitty for everyone, not just me and you!" Dave said, starting to reach another level of pure frustration at the person disguising himself to be his husband.  
"Just leave! Why don't you and everyone else just leave, then? If I'm such a burden to you!"

That was about the turning point of the argument, where anything said from that point would be far from forgivable.  
Dave's lips drew tight, because he didn't want to admit that his husband had truthfully become a burden.  
"You think I like this, that I want to be here? That when we got married, this is where I thought we'd end up? Because trust me, I never would've signed those papers." 

A look of something Dave could only call hurt flashed over John's face. If Dave were to admit this to his John, the John that wasn't someone else, that's the expression he'd expect to see. But, not on this John, who took every shot he could to remind Dave that he wasn't his husband.  
"So, you regret marrying me now?" His voice was quiet, and choked up. Dave's heart clenched in his chest. 

"Why does that matter to you? You've been walking around here saying that you aren't my husband, that you aren't a father. Why do you care about our marriage?" Dave questioned. Even if his anger was still prominent, his voice was also full of confusion, and a little concern.  
John leaned back slowly, seeming completely lost in thought, like he didn't know the answer, and didn't even mean blurting out the question. Still, he offered what he could.  
"Do you think I like this? To know how important I am to you, to Nic, to Casey. But I can't even remember our first kiss? Nic's first words? You think that doesn't suck? I don't even have my dad anymore!"

John's words took him completely by surprise. Needless to say, it was hard to hear that he'd been yelling at someone going through everything he was. He never thought that he'd get to hear John talking about how he missed his family, and better then that, how he missed being married to Dave. Apparently, their family still had value to him, but the fact that they couldn't tell hurt John as much as it hurt everyone else.  
He lost John, but, John lost them.  
Dave stepped over, as John eyed him suspiciously. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around John, who was completely frozen for a moment, like he'd never been hugged in his life. Slowly, but surely, though, his arms came up around Dave. The two relished in being wrapped up in one another, like two people genuinely in love, instead of the picture of a broken marriage.  
For that perfect, unimaginable period of time, Dave could pretend nothing was wrong.  
With John's head nuzzled into his shoulder, like it was made to go there, and strong but gentle arms around his torso, Dave felt like they were going to come out of the other side of this. 

John moved away not that long after, but to Dave, it was just the perfect amount of time.  
He bit his lip before slowly glancing up at the other. "So…Can..I please just have some time alone? Please?" He asked. Dave knew better then to accept, that it was a pretty bad idea. Time alone meant time curled up on that bed. No moving, no recovery. But, he decided to be lenient with John for once, and nodded. Today, he got a free pass. 

"Okay. But, drink the orange juice, and take your meds, okay?" Dave said as he got up from the bed. John nodded, and Dave decided he was satisfied with that.  
So, he left John alone, and since he still had a bit of time before he could even think about approaching Casey's door, he took a quick shower then started on another breakfast. Luckily, this one wasn't burned.  
Around noon, when he was finishing up the details of a brand new logo for his company, he heard shuffling around upstairs in the direction of Casey's room.  
Yeah, he was definitely not looking forward to facing the wrath that was his teenage dater as of late, but he knew the time would have to come eventually. 

He turned off the computer before exiting the office, and heading up the stairs. The second his footsteps got close to the door, he noticed it right away that all movements stopped.  
A sigh escaped his lips before stepping forward anyway, knocking softly on the door.  
There was silence on the other side, and for a moment, Dave didn't think Casey would answer. Eventually though, she spoke up. "Come in."  
He turned the doorknob before stepping in as the teen shoved her way into a long, beige sweater.  
"Morning." Dave greeted. Casey looked at him, smudged eyeliner spread along under her eyes. "It's twelve, but okay. Good morning I guess." She said before walking over to her bed, shoving the sweater down over her exposed thighs. 

"Are you feeling better this morning? You could probably still go to practice, if you wanted to."  
Casey had stopped doing a lot of things she once found to be her favorite. Her football bag was collecting dust in the back of her closet, her easel had the same unfinished painting on it, and her guitar was being used as a coat rack.  
Yeah, those were warning signs. But, Dave saw them as signs that she'd found other hobbies. Ones that were just a bit illegal and a lot more unhealthy.  
Casey looked down at her hands, like she had something to say, but no way to say it.  
Dave felt his lips draw up, trying to coerce her into giving up what she was hiding. 

Eventually, she gave in. "I got kicked off the team, okay?" She got out in one quick rush of words, almost sounding like a really deep breath.  
Dave's eyes widened in shock, his anger from previous building up quickly in his chest.  
"What the hell do you mean? You kicked ass to get on that team. Did you get kicked off, or did you leave?" Dave wasn't sure which option would surprise him more.  
"My grades weren't that great, and because I was missing days, they kicked me off." Casey explained, her eyes never once meeting Dave's. For the first time since all of this had started, she looked genuinely ashamed. 

"Your grades? You've been passing fine all year. Casey, what the hell is going on? Is that why you fought with Maddie? Can you just tell me something, please?" He pleaded with his daughter. Dave wasn't one to beg or bargain, but right now, nothing made sense and he needed just one thing to work out completely in his favor. Especially when it came to the emotional maze that was Casey.  
Casey didn't offer anything, though. If nothing else, she shut herself up tighter, and found her carpet completely fascinating. Maddie had been her best friend for years, football was a strong passion of hers, and most of all, she always came to Dave with everything. But, it's like his daughter was gone. Like there was someone home, but all the lights were off.  
Dave didn't know if he could ignite it again. 

"Casey, please. Please, how can I help you if you don't tell me anything? This isn't you. Is Justin forcing you? Is that it?" He said. If Casey wasn't saying anything, something on her face had to give, right? Except no, nothing did. There was no twitch of her lip, no eyebrow quirk, no sighs. Nothing, just pure emptiness.  
It felt like he was screaming to a wall. It was something you only said to your kids when they ignored tiny requests, when they didn't do chores you asked. But now, the saying had alot more meaning to him. Things with John were rocky. Sometimes, they got along, sometimes they didn't. He didn't need that with his daughter, too. He didn't want to tiptoe around everything he said to everyone he cared about and loved being open with.  
"Maybe I don't want help, papa. I'm happy like this, so why does it matter? Why do I need help?" It was a question Casey didn't want or need an answer for. It was strictly something that voiced how she felt, more like a statement. But, Dave didn't see it like that.  
"You don't change that much for no reason. There's a reason for everything."

Still, Casey shook her head. "No. Not for this. This is who I am, who I want to be." She said. But it almost sounded like she was trying to convince herself of the fact.  
They tried thinking about what was going on, and where to go from here. No, they weren't shouting at each other, they weren't sending around insults, but it was still an arguement, they were still mad. Casey spoke up, breaking her contact with the floor to instead look at her father, ocean blue eyes searching over every aspect of his face like she knew Dave was doing the same.  
"I'm sorry you don't like who I've become."  
Her voice, despite her fairly clear words, didn't give away how she felt, and that was probably the worst part. Sure, she used to be a bit closed off about some of her negative emotions, but she at least used to speak about when she was happy. Now, Dave got nothing but complete radio silence. 

"It's not that, Casey. I don't like why you've become like this. I'll do anything for you to tell me what's happening." Dave said, deciding to try one more time to get Casey to open up.  
But, she still had herself high up in an iron tower.  
"Anything?" She got out, but her voice was so quiet, Dave almost missed that she said anything at all. He looked at her, eyes hidden behind his shades being wide with hope as he nodded, silently gesturing for her to go on.  
She bit her lip. "Then leave." 

Okay. Not what Dave was looking for. 

**************  
The next time Dave heard anything from John, it was when he heard a soft melody coming from the direction of his office, where John's piano was stored.  
He had just gotten home from picking up Nic and his best friend Kai when he heard it. Both him and Nic knew what it meant; it was the only way any version of John had ever learned to deal with grief. However, don't be mistaken; because it was defintely not healthy in the least.  
There was a reason Dave had been keeping him from the office. Dave had been so eager for something to give, but this wasn't what he had in mind. 

He looked down at Nic, who gave him a look of understanding before sitting on the couch with Kai, turning on some cartoons.  
Dave walked into the office and sure enough, there was John, sitting at his piano. Despite his sprained wrist, he still played perfectly. The keys moaned a beautifully tragic melody. Dave recognized it as the song John's dad had wrote once.  
"John, did you drink your juice?" Dave asked.  
He was expecting total silence as per usaul, for John to not even acknowledge he was in the room, but was taken by surprise when he did, shaking his head. "No."  
"Why not?"  
"Not thirsty."

No orange juice, no medication, either. Which meant John was once again closing himself up tight, despite their morning together.  
"You need to drink, and take your pills, or you won't get better." Dave tried to explain rationally. But it seemed like a constant thing in his life that no one knew how to listen to ration.  
"I don't mind it if I don't get better. If things stop hurting, then nothing feels real. And I can't remember." John said. His voice was devoid of most emotion, yet it seemed completely calm, like he was talking to a pet, not someone who was once his husband. Dave was hooked on that last sentence, tumbling it over and over for clues in his head.  
"Can't remember what?" He voiced his confusion, and that's when John went quiet, forming an answer.  
"Me. Who I am." 

This was some cryptid bullshit. Dave grew up with Dirk and Rose, who were the most puzzling assholes ever. He'd been taking magnifying glasses to the margins of sentences since he was born, but somehow, John snuck under his radar with all of this shit.  
"You forget who you are? So, you remember who you were?" Maybe that's what he meant, but that was still so...well, not at all helpful.  
John nodded anyway. "I don't want to remember that."  
That filled Dave with many different kinds of emotions. None made sense.  
"Just this morning, you were talking about how upset you were that you couldn't be what we wanted." Dave said, trying pretty hard to make sense of all of this. Talking to John right now was the equivalent of going through a maze in complete darkness, and all the walls were electric fences. 

"I don't want that. I just hate that you lost that. I don't want to be your husband, I want to be my father's son, Jade and Jake's brother. Not a husband, not a father. I don't care what anyone says, I'm not gay." John said as the volume of his playing increased, fingers working over the keys like his life depended on it. For his own sake, Dave had to pretend that didn't sting.  
It wasn't news that John didn't want to be his husband, but he made things sound different this morning.  
"You are still your father's son, you're still Jade and Jake's brother."

The playing stopped. The last note carried for a moment before silence set in like a haunting song of it's own. It left them to decipher the situation. Before John took a deep breath.  
"I'm not. I'm an orphan. I'm their friend. I'm alone."  
"Everyone is right here." 

John slammed his hands down on the key, causing a sound Dave almost had to cover his ears to hide from. Outside, he could hear the volume of the cartoon's increase.  
"No one is! You don't get to act like you get it! You only lost me, I lost everything. All everyone does is blame me for it. I don't want to be the person who took away your husband, but I can't be your husband to make up for it. I miss my father, I miss my family." John's voice gradually increased in volume, but also gradually became more choked up until Dave could see the tears falling.  
John was a strong person. He'd take a beating and still come out the other side asking you what you wanted to do that evening. He never cried about anything, even when his father died. He simply went through it. But watching this destroy him was the worst thing Dave ever had to see.  
He stepped over to John, wanting to wrap the other up in his arms and act like John wasn't even his friend, he could be absolutely nothing to Dave if it meant he could hurt a little less.

But, John pushed him away, and shoved his fingers under his glasses to wipe away his tears, like they were burning him. "John." Dave started, but didn't bother to finish the sentence as John waved his hand dismissevly. He turned back around, pressing his fingers back to the keys before continuing to play, louder than he was before.  
Dave couldn't even try to reason with him, he knew it wouldn't go anywhere. One step forward, six steps back.  
When he left the office, Nic seemed to instantly catch on to the fact that something was wrong. Luckily, cartoons had covered up the sound of John yelling about not wanting to be a father.  
"What happened, papa?" Nic asked as he scooted over on the couch. Kai looked over, a little concerned. It wasn't a surprise to Dave that Nic kept his friend up to date on all the different happenings, they all found comfort in different places, but Dave still felt weird discussing it all around him.  
"Come here, you can help me make lunch. You guys need to eat something healthy." Dave said. 

Nic smiled and nodded before getting up to follow Dave into the kitchen, leaving Kai to continue watching TV.  
Dave grabbed down a bigger bowl as Nic looked at him. "He's okay. He's just sad." Dave explained, not wanting to really tell Nic all the details. It wouldn't exactly help, either. Nic nodded. "Well, everyone's sad. It's a really sad time."  
Dave pulled a bag of lettuce and spinach, gesturing to Nic to grab whatever else he wanted to add. The whole family had been living off of takeout, so a salad was a change. 

"Well, being sad makes us appreciate being happy more." Dave said. That seemed to make Nic feel better about the whole situation as he handed Dave some tomatoes, along with an onion.  
"We're out of mushrooms, and ham." Nic said as he closed the fridge, pouting at his father. Dave laughed.  
"Casey doesn't like ham. She's a demon that only consumes bologna." Dave said, earning a disgusted face from his son. Everyone in the family had different tastes, but to Dave, Casey was on a different level. 

"She dips pickles in marinara. Pickles aren't even good." Nic commented as he grabbed down a knife, handing it overly cautiously to Dave, earning a smile from his father. "You like weird things, too. Like, pineapple on pizza." Dave teased, earning a gasp from Nic as he started mixing up the salad as Dave cut through the selected vegetables.  
"Pineapple pizza is good! Kai likes it too!"  
"Pineapple isn't good on anything, especially something as sacred as pizza." 

"Well, you like spicy foods. Remember when you ate a whole bag of those jalapenos? You didn't even flinch!" Nic retorted, making a face.  
Dave laughed as he set the knife aside, reaching over and playfully ruffling Nic's hair. Nic laughed in response as he pushed at his father's hand.  
"Can you get your sister for me, instead of harrasing me for my choice in foods?" He teased the other. Nic smiled before nodding, setting aside the salad before bounding up the stairs. Dave continued chopping at the vegetables. It took him a moment or so to process that maybe sending Nic to get Casey wasn't so bright an idea. If anything, he probably should've brought the salad up to her himself. 

As he heard a door slam upstairs, followed by the sound of Nic crying, he realized his mistake, and dropped his knife aside. He put the chopped vegetables to the side as Nic came running down the stairs and through the double doors, blood spilling from his nose. Instantly, Dave was full of concern, grabbing a cloth from the counter as he dropped to Nic's level.  
"Hey, hey- shh, what happened?" He said, starting to dab at the younger's nose with the cloth. "-Tilt your head back, I'll clean you up, okay? It's okay. Did she hit you?" He cooed, trying to calm the other. Nic hated blood and everything to do with pain, Dave knew that, but he also knew the fact that his sister had done that probably hurt alot more. 

Nic shook his head before tilting it back as instructed. "N- No- she s-slammed the door i-n my f-f-ace." He hiccuped inbetween little sobs. Dave frowned, holding pressure to the injury as he used his free hand to gently pat his son's back.  
"It's okay, Nic. Just breathe, okay? Look, the bleeding stopped already, and your nose still looks very cute. You did really good, okay?" Dave continued to whisper. This, along with Kai coming in and offering his own reassurances, helped Nic's sobs to die down in severity. Kai also took over all the hugging as Dave finished cleaning off the remaining blood. He kissed the top of his head as he stood up, going to put aside the cloth before going back over to him.  
"Did Casey say anything else? Or, did she just slam the door?" Either way, she was definitely in trouble even when Nic calmed down.  
"She said I should go away, then she slammed the door." Nic said as Dave tucked loose curls behind Nic's ear. "I'm sorry. I knew she was in a bad mood, I should've went myself. I'm sorry." He said, feeling the need to apologize for more then just a nose bleed. 

The apology was met with happiness, and Nic didn't blame him in the slightest, not for the nose bleed or anything else. They all ate their salad, with a debate about the best kinds of ranch(Dave was on the side of blue cheese, Nic kept it simple with just French).  
They spent hours watching the various different Disney movies Netflix had to offer, varying from Moana to Cars 3, since Nic had fallen out of the loop with all of them.  
Neither boys minded the prescence of Dave, which was great, considering the couch was basically his bed at this point. For dinner, he ordered pineapple pizza, and despite Nic's nose being fine, he still covered it with a bright yellow bandaid. He didn't know when they all fell asleep, but it was in various uncomfortable positions.  
Wow, did he really miss the way things had been before.


	11. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is hospitalized for refusing to follow his treatment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this one still involves some angst. However, we're reaching a pretty big turning point for the story! Thank you so much to everyone who's read so far!
> 
> ~DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor or a neurosurgeon! I did research into all the medical aspects of this chapter, and pulled this together from there! Still, alot of the medical stuff in this chapter is sort of made up guessing by what makes sense and with what went with my research. That being said, I'm aware it's not all correct! But, for the sake of fiction, we'll pretend!~

By Sunday, Dave had hired a new nurse for John, who promised not to run this one off. Or, Dave asked, and John waved a hand dismissively. On Friday, at least John had moved from his room to the piano. But once he was there, he didn't move. The top of the piano was lined with plates of untouched food, and half empty cups of juice and water.   
Dave had a theory that John probably slept on the office chair. He was glad he slept at all. 

It likely seemed like to others, he was doing nothing about John and his unhealthy method of coping. But, in reality, he'd tried just about everything. He even called backup in the form of Jade and Jake, soon enough everyone else, even if Rose was on the bottom of the list. He even Skyped with Jane and Roxy. But, nothing worked. And, it partially looked like John had been taking his meds, even if he wouldn't eat.   
So, on Monday morning, he drove himself to work after dropping off both kids.   
Much to his surprise, he went through the whole day without a single call from the nurse. So, he was happy that this nurse would work out. His boss was fine with him working from home, but there was only so much he could get done without attending the bullshit meetings.   
That day, he was happy to pick up both kids, both in good moods. Today was shaking up to be a good day. Given how depressing things had been, he hoped it stayed that way. 

For the first time, when he got home, there was no sound of a piano playing. Instead, he heard the TV playing. It was some shitty show, sure, but he'd take shitty daytime television over the piano any day. Piano meant he'd at least moved around a little, even if right now, he was laying across the couch. Sitting upright would be better for his ribs, but fine. Dave cast a look over to the two kids, and Casey didn't have to be told twice to go to her room. Nic followed, mumbling about finishing an assignment.   
Dave walked over to the arm chair, settling himself onto it as he looked at his former husband. "Hey. How was your day?" He asked. 

However, despite budging finally from the piano, John's mood hadn't improved. He seemed as worse off as he had been before. His shoulders rose up and down in a shrug from where they were wrapped up in his blanket. "It was a day." He muttered. Dave tapped his fingers against his thigh.   
"Good to know. Did you like your nurse? She didn't quit." He asked. Normally, he'd pry and force a genuine answer from John, but that tended to escalate and they didn't get anything done. So, Dave tried to roll with what John did to him.   
John once again shrugged. "She was fine. She tried making soup."   
Dave raised an eyebrow, even if he wass glad to hear that John liked the nurse enough. "Tried?"  
"I didn't want it. She ate it, so it didn't go to waste."

Well, he hadn't eaten all day, at least that was confirmed. Which, he had hoped that would be taken care of, but you apparently couldn't do it all. "Well, do you want some macaroni, or something? It's been awhile since you ate." Dave asked, already moving to go grab him something. John stopped him quick, though.   
"I'm not hungry, that's why I didn't eat. I don't feel good."  
It was an explanation at least.   
"You don't want anything? I know your dad's recip-" Dave tried suggesting, but he should know better than to bring up John's father.   
"I don't care. Making me something my father could isn't going to change that. That was low." He commented. All interest in the conversation was lost, and they were silent. Dave was beyond frustrated, but, fuck. 

Dave bit his tongue and spoke carefully. "I'm just trying to make you feel better. I thought it would help." Dave tried explaining himself, but John wasn't interested in a conversation.   
Dave had missed the day where John had genuinely confided in him. It was the last time they had felt like friends. The rest of the time, they were strangers living in the same house. 

"I don't want help. That nurse was annoying. I only kept her around because you still have kids to take care of." John said, grabbing the remote to flick through channels. Luckily, he wasn't at the point of yelling. Dave almost was. But, it was nice to her, John didn't fire the nurse because of him. That was some form of progress, even if him referring to Nic and Casey as 'his kids' was something else entirely.   
"Is that supposed to be a good thing? You won't even eat for me. You can't just pick and choose then claim you're doing good." Dave said.

He's fairly sure they were both ready for this to lead into a full on fight. But, for once, it didn't. John seemed to give up before things could go that far. "I don't feel good, Dave. Can we please just...not do this today?"  
While Dave was more then glad to drop all the fighting, he couldn't help the concern rising about John supposedly not feeling well. It could pretty easily be an excuse, but, given the fact that he'd repeated this twice now and the current state of his health, Dave had to follow through it.   
"Not feeling well? What's wrong, then?" He said, getting off the arm chair to instead approach the couch. John shrugged in response, looking up at the other. "My chest feels tight, and I'm hot. But, I'm fine." He said, not wanting Dave to fret over him. That was exactly what Dave had planned to do, though.   
He knelt down, pressing the back of his hand to John's forehead, feeling that it was actually burning up. So, it wasn't just an excuse. 

Dave frowned at him. "I should call your doctor and make sure you're okay. You have to be honest with me- are you taking your meds like you should be?" He asked as he stood back up, grabbing his phone.   
"Not really, they don't help, they just..make my head fuzzy. So, I don't take them. Why?" He said, holding out a hand so Dave could help him sit up.   
Dave's concern only continued to grow with his frustration. "John. Those meds are more then just pain killers. They help you breathe properly so that you don't get a lung infection. Not moving around doesn't help, so you really need to take them." He sighed, knowing that his good day was going to gradually start becoming less and less good. 

John was quiet on the couch as Dave called the doctor. "Hello? Doctor Evelyn Alexandra speaking." Came a comforting voice from the other side of the phone.  
"Hey, Doctor Alexandra- it's Dave, John Strider's uh, husband." He was hesitant to say in front of the other, but knew he had to get it out. "John's having some problems right now." He said. The doctor made a noise which encouraged him to continue, so he did, feeling John's on him the entire time.   
"He hasn't been taking his medications or moving around. Now, he says his chest feels tight, and he's burning up." Dave explained.   
As she thought things over, and even briefly took a moment to speak to someone else about it, Doctor Alexandra's voice came back over the phone. "Well, he needs to be taking his medication and moving. Is he experiencing any shortness of breath?" She asked. 

Dave had her wait for a second before turning to John, who was staring directly ahead of him. But, it wasn't at the television. Instead, it was at a random spot on the wall as he reached up, a sudden raspy sound leaving him as he clutched at his chest.   
Dave's eyes widened as he moved forward quickly in front of the other, examining him as breath seemed to leave John entirely. Everything slipped his mind, being replaced with pure fear. To him, there were no doctors on the phone, no kids upstairs. Nothing except John struggling for breath in his arms.   
John's eyes met his, wide and filled with the same panic and fear currently setting Dave's entire body on fire. He couldn't get any words out, but everything about him, from the slump of his body to his fingers clutching desperately onto his shirt, was screaming for Dave to help him. Right now, he trusted Dave to save him. "John- hey. Hey, breathe, breathe, okay? It'll be okay, you're with me. I have you."   
Despite the oxygen currently leaving his body and not making it's way back in, Dave could see it in John's eyes that his words had genuinely brought him some level of comfort. 

Dave didn't want to leave his side, but if he wanted to make good on his promise and help him, he didn't have a choice. He moved away from John to grab his phone off the ground. "Doctor- he- can't breathe. What should I do?"   
Unlike before, she was quick to respond. "Dave, I want you to keep calm. Hang up right now and call 9-1-1. I'll meet your ambulance, make sure they come here. If he passes out before they get there, you need to perform CPR. Can you do that?"   
"Yes, but-"  
"Call now." 

By the time Dave had dialed the three numbers, John's eyelids were already starting to flutter shut, lips turning a faint shade of blue.   
"9-1-1, what's your emerge-"  
"561 Wood Street, my husband can't breathe. We need help now!" Dave got out before the operator could even properly finish his sentence.  
His yelling and all the commotion had both kids running down the stairs just as John fell completely unconscious. "Sir, stay on the line with me. Help is on the way." The operator said, but all noise was fuzzy to Dave right now. He could barely think about anything other then the fragile body currently in his arms. He had to save John.   
He hadn't been himself lately. That was something no one could deny, but, this was his husband, in every single sense. This was his best friend, someone who'd stuck by him through anything. John could be the biggest asshole in the world and Dave's heart would never stop beating for him. He did not get to die in his arms. 

The kids were confused, terrified, and Dave could hear sirens getting closer and closer as he laid John down, doing exactly what the doctor had said as he pumped his hands on John's chest. "Papa, what's going on? What's wrong with dad?" Came Nic's tearful voice.  
"Is dead dead- ohmygod- is he- papa? Is he dead?" Dave didn't think he'd ever hear Casey be concerned for her father again, but the situation had gotten very dark and scary very fast.   
"Casey, you need to listen to me. When the ambulance comes, call Aunt Jade and Uncle Dirk- tell them John is going to the hospital, make them bring you, okay?" Dave said, his voice starting to get tired with all the effort that came with keeping John alive. But, he didn't stop, he refused.   
Nic and Casey continued asking questions, but Dave couldn't hear anything besides his heart pounding away in his ears, like they were mocking him for John's heart not doing the same. 

Everything became a blur as the ambulance arrived. Casey and Nic stayed behind as told, already making every necessary phone-call as Dave got into the ambulance. The paramedic continued the CPR for Dave, giving the very weary and petrified man a break, and with sirens blaring, they sped to the hospital.   
They were met by Doctor Alexander immediately, hair tucked into a very messy and thrown together ponytail, gloves pulled over her hands as she got out instructions for the paramedics on where to bring John. He was quickly wheeled somewhere, and a nurse came to comfort Dave and show him where to wait for any news. Just like that, he was the scared husband in a waiting room again. 

Dave wasn't surprised that it took the rest of their family only a few minutes to arrive, everyone's distressed eyes falling onto Dave for answers only he could give.   
Meanwhile, Dave was only just then snapping out of his trance as the adrenaline his body had been functioning on crashed, leaving him a shaken mess. Everything finally settled at his feet and demanded to be picked up on instead of crumpled up under his shoe. 

Just like that, with everyone asking thing he didn't know the answer to, Dave broke down.   
"I-I'm-doing- e-everything. E-verything they s-said! All I do is t-try-" He got out between little sniffles and cries. Dave hid all of his emotions behind a firm, iron wall that very few got to see pass. His family was an exception, but he never cried for any reason. But right now, this was all too much for him to even begin to comprehend that his tears should be held back. Not to mention, who didn't shed a few tears when their husband collapsed in their arms, with their lips and entire face going pale and blue?  
He continued to cry, and the second he shoved his face into his hands to hide it, he was wrapped up into someone's arms, shaking against them and unable to tell who it was until she spoke up a few moments later. 

"Papa. It'll be okay. You're right, you are doing your best, but this isn't your fault. You can't control everything dad does, even if you watch him all day every day." Came Casey's voice, so soft compared to what it'd been like lately. Her shitty mood and actions were probably all Dave's fault, too, but it was nice to hear her for once. The girl he'd raised, the one she used to be before all of this had happened and torn the whole family down.   
He stayed against her, continuing with tiny little sniffles and sobs as he slowly came down from his breakdown. Eventually, everyone looked up as John's doctor came around, another with her, eyes searching for answers all over again. 

"He's stable." She started off, which was more than enough to earn a relieved sigh from everyone. However, she continued with the diagnosis, which was enough to drop everyone back down a peg.   
"This is our cardiologist, Doctor Megan Lee. She helped me with your husband's case, and she can explain better then I can." Dave looked to the doctor besides the one he had gotten to know. She seemed very arrogant, but also confident, which meant she likely had alot of reason to be like that. There was a certain glint to her eye that brought Dave comfort.  
"Your husband contracted an infection due to not taking his medication. Ontop of that, I believe his ribs were likely weakened from not moving, and one fractured. That caused fragments to make his lung collapse, since they were already weakened from not working properly. We got him back just in time, and he's going to be on antibiotics here for about two days." The cardiologist explained. 

She spoke so casually about John's fucking lung collapsing, like it was just a regular day at the office. Maybe to her, it was, but Dave was terrified. At least John was okay.   
"However." Of course, Doctor Alexandra had to come in and ruin the good mood all over again. It was like they couldn't win. "His brain was without oxygen for awhile. We aren't sure what effects it will cause."   
Dave's blood ran about as cold as the metal of the chair he gripped onto.   
"The effects? What do you mean? He already has amnesia." He said. How could things get worse then that? 

Even the doctor seemed unsure, and this was her job. So, it didn't exactly bring Dave a good feeling. "His neuro check is good, so his brain is functioning. I believe there's a chance it might help with his amnesia. But there's also a chance of different disabilities occuring." She seemed hopeful, but also like she was trying to prepare Dave for the worst case scenario. However, Dave had been doing too much of looking into the worse case. Right now, he was going to let himself hear out the good side of things.   
"Do you think it could reverse his amnesia? Bring him back?" He asked, needing to know if that was even a possibility. She nodded her confirmation, even if her eyes still said for Dave to look at the other side aswell. But Dave's heart felt like it had finally started to beat again.   
It might be over. Even if it was a slim possibility, he might be getting John back. 

The doctor could see his excitement, and his hope. So, she didn't hesitate to speak up, knowing she'd given this family almost more bad news then good in their entire time together. "He's stable and okay, just unconscious for the time being. But, you can go see him. I'll get a nurse to bring you, I have another case rolling in. They'll come and get me when he wakes up." She said, giving Dave a smile that said she hoped things would be okay. But, considering she said 'when' instead of 'if', Dave was already considering things to be okay. 

Needless to say, they quickly followed a nurse along to John's room. Dave was glad to see a lack of tubes and wires and IV's like there had been during his car accident. His face wasn't bruised up and swollen. He instead looked like he was sleeping. Of course, he did have an IV, and some monitors hooked up to him, along with something on his ribs.   
He went and sat right down on the chair by his bedside, and all they could do was wait and see. 

****************

Apparently, waiting took a hell of a lot of time, since it was a couple of hours that flew by before John had even started to stir. His doctor had come by and reassured Dave it was fine, and Dave believed her.   
As the clock approached nine, all eyes were on John as his eyes slowly opened.   
Doctor Alexandra was already on it, checking his pupils and reflexes as John looked around confusedly. She gave a thumbs up before moving to scribble something down in his chart. 

Dave sat up, taking the reigns from there. He leaned his elbows against the bed. "John?"   
John rubbed his eyes, which were missing his glasses. Still, he looked down at Dave. "Dave? What happened- fuck, I totally destroyed my car." He said, sitting up the slightest bit. However, the simple action sent him right back against the bed, flinching and letting out a sound of pain as he clutched his ribs. The doctor instead stepped in to elevate the bed as Dave took a moment. Bringing up the car- that was new.   
Dave looked at him. "Your car? You remember your car?" He questioned. 

All eyes were on the two of them, like this was a movie reaching it's climax. Everyone even seemed afraid to breathe too loudly, like it'd shatter the whole scene. John didn't even remember the car accident before.   
"I guess? I don't know." He said, sounding so unsure. "Where am I?"   
Dave was fairly hopeful, along with being quick to answer his questions. "You're in the hospital. Your lung collapsed, but you're okay. What do you remember? Do you know who I am?" He asked. He didn't ask too much too soon, scared that it'd almost scare the memory away from John. 

John's face had panic rising on it as he desperately racked his brain for answers. It was like forgetting what you were trying to say- you know what it was, but you just can't find the words. It was absolutely infuriating.   
"You're Dave. And..there was an accident, and I've been..recovering from it, right?" He said, looking to Dave to confirm he was right, and catching Dave's look that had a million expressions in one.   
He was ready for the ground to be pulled out from under him, but it was perfectly secure, just shaking with a mild earth quake. The memory of the accident was back, who knew what else could be right there under the surface? He had to see. 

As time went on, each person in the room quizzed John about various different memories and times in their lives. His memory was scattered, and his amnesia was still very much prominent. But he didn't have an exact age, or knowledge of the time period. Ontop of that, the pure rage that had came with his head injury seemed to fade into nothing. If anything, he was happy and more..himself then he had been before.   
He even seemed to remember at least liking Dave, who was very grateful for it. 

The situation sucked a little less, just a little less. Still, amnesia was a bitch.   
That got them where they were now, where everyone had gone home besides Dave and their kids. One thing that was a constant; he loved Nic, and didn't get along with Casey.   
Though, it was different this time around. He wasn't exactly screaming at her, but, he wasn't really talking to her either. If anything, he seemed a little afraid. Just like that, Casey was back into complete silence instead. Nic had settled himself on the foot of John's bed, Dave besides him, and Casey in the chair he'd been in previous.   
Except, much closer to the wall.   
"It's getting late. Shouldn't you guys be in bed or something? I'm guessing you still have school tomorrow." John said, glancing between both kids. Since getting Nic was more recent, he had alot more memories of him then Casey. Still, he at least..recognized them as his children. Dave glanced at the clock, noting the time being dangerously close to midnight. 

He seemed reluctant to leave John's side when the other was so happy. Like if he walked away, he'd lose John forever again. But, there was still school the next day, and their whole lives couldn't pause. "Yeah, they should be heading to bed soon." He said, getting off the bed with Nic. John smiled at them.   
"I don't mind you leaving. It's fine, I should sleep. Come back tomorrow."   
Dave still seemed hesitant, but knew the last thing either of his kids needed was another night in the hospital. "Alright, we'll come by after work. We'll see you later."  
Both him and Nic covered John in gentle hugs, being mindful of his ribs, and they were gladly recieved. His perked up attitude pleased Dave beyond belief.   
He'd missed his stupidly optimistic husband. Once moved back, he looked at Casey. 

"Casey, are you going to say goodbye?" He asked his daughter. She'd been so quick to comfort him and so..positive not that long ago. He thought that part of her was back and more prominent. Now, she'd built her wall back up and was guarding it with her dark and twisty side. Dave still didn't understand why.   
She shook her head as she got out of the chair, shoving her arms into the hoodie that had previously simply been draped over it. "I'm tired. Can we go?" She asked. But, she was already headed towards the door.   
Dave shot John an apologetic look that the other insisted wasn't necessary, encouraging him to help Casey instead.   
This whole attitude had to stop. 

It wasn't until they got to the parking lot that he'd caught up to Casey again, watching her make a beeline for the truck. "Casey- stop. C'mon, Casey." He said before reaching forward, jogging to catch up completely to grab her arm and stop her in her tracks. The teen flinched immediately, ripping her arm away as she was forced to turn back to face her father. "What? Why does everything I do need to be analyzed now? I want to go to bed." She said, crossing her arms over her chest so that Dave couldn't grab them again. Nic had hidden himself behind Dave as his father replied.  
"You were silent the entire time we were in there, and you didn't say goodbye. What did he do to you?"

To Casey, and even Nic, that was absolutely the stupidest question Dave could've asked. "What did he to do me? Have you just blocked the last few weeks out of your tiny fucking mind or something?" She snapped.   
Dave's eyebrows shot up as he stepped closer to her despite Nic's tugging on his pants, begging for them not to fight. "I'm doing the best I can and trying to get through it. I'm trying-" He tried explaining, but Casey raised her hand up to Dave's chest, pushing him away and not allowing him to finish his sentence. She didn't want to hear it again. "You aren't trying hard enough!" She yelled instead, eyes clenching shut as they burned with tears she refused to shed. She stared down at the ground. 

There was more to every situation. That's what all of this was quickly teaching Dave. There was more to Casey then her simply rebelling. Dave knew his time was running out to get to the bottom of it.   
"What is this about then? What's been going on?" He said, expression drawing down and together in concern for her, who still refused to look at him, and seemed to now refuse to speak.   
He reached his hand over to her chin, gently tilting her head up. That gentleness wasn't returned as she slapped the hand away, not needing pity from anyone. She didn't need to be babied. 

"You want to know what happened to me? You! You happened! Dad happened! It's always 'John, John, John'. It's never me, it's barely ever Nic!" She said, gesturing to her now slightly shaking brother. "You don't care if I'm okay. You'd rather call me a drunk instead of seeing it's something else, instead of adding to the list of casualities. You refuse to accept that dad isn't okay! He won't ever fucking be okay! We can hear you crying every night, but you still won't accept it! It'd be better if he was dead then whatever the hell he is now!" 

A silence fell over the parking lot. The only thing that could be heard was the wind whipping around them. It felt like words left Dave more often then they came to him, escaping him with every breath and joining the cool breeze.   
Casey wished her father was dead, and she thought both of her parents had stopped caring about her. "I-I've been trying..to pull myself into three different directions- I'm not doing it on purpose. I love you. You're all my family." He said, his voice being soft as he begged for Casey to forgive him and try to see the sincerity in what he said.   
Despite it, Casey moved away from the truck. 

"I'm walking home." She muttered softly, shoving her hands into her coat pocket. Dave made a face as he turned, following her. "No, come home. We need to talk- it's freezing out!" He begged her retreating form.   
Casey didn't listen though, and before Dave could chase her down, Nic tugged at him, stopping him from doing so.   
He looked down at his son, and could see the pure sadness in his eyes. He hated this situation; that John wasn't the only culprit in bringing the entire family down. Apparently, Dave played a major part in it aswell. 

"I'm sorry." He said, kneeling down and pulling Nic tight against him in a hug. "I didn't know I wasn't doing enough. I was trying so hard to pretend things were okay that I wouldn't let myself see that they weren't." He said. He realized how pitiful he sounded, quite literally trying to beg for forgiveness. Nic however, was more open to giving it.   
"I love you too, papa. And it's okay. I know you still care about us, even if you can't be great at showing it! Sometimes, you don't have to show it. Maybe..Casey is just bad at seeing it. She's sad." He said, keeping his arms tight around his father.   
He wished it could be as simple as Casey just being sad, but right now, nothing was going to be that simple. After a few minutes in consoling one another, they moved away and went home for the night.   
They had a very lazy supper of leftover pizza, and ended up watching TV on the couch until they fell asleep against one another. 

Now, it was all up to seeing if Casey came home.


	12. Depression; finale.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nic comes to a terrifying realization about Casey. John is still in the hospital, but, it doesn't stop the two from reconciling.

On John's second day in the hospital, it was discovered that his infection wasn't getting a lot better. Which meant another day or two with some stronger antibiotics. Dave didn't entirely mind, but, he did wish they could get things closer to something more normal and familiar, instead of more time in the hopsital.   
To his surprise, Casey did end up coming home that night. However, she stayed in her room, door locked. He had sent Dirk in to get through to her, but, she only accepted food from him. It was something, but it wasn't a great sign. He could tell that from the look his younger brother had sent him.  
  
Dave had just finished explaining this to John, who was staring down at his clutched fists. Luckily, he'd at least gotten his cast taken off.   
"I'm sorry. She really won't come back here? Maybe I could talk to her." John asked, pulling his thin blanket up a bit. Dave shook his head.   
"No. She won't even leave her room. I don't even know what to tell her school." Dave sighed, shoving his greasy hair back from his face.   
  
John looked down at him, a question forming at his lips. Dave looked at him as John seemed to make the decision to ask it, but he could tell the other had put a lot of thought into it. "Do you agree with her? With what she said?" He asked.   
Casey had said plenty of things to him. But, only a few things made sense to him.   
"Yeah, I guess. I agree with that. I haven't been dividing my attention up fairly between all of them." He said. However, he could tell by the look on the other's face that that wasn't what he meant to say, and that he dreaded having to elaborate.   
"No, no. I mean..do you think it'd be better if I had died?"   
Fuck.  
  
It wasn't like that was a thing that had crossed Dave's mind. But still, it was usually sort of tense when they spoke, even if John was seemingly become more of a person he could seek comfort with. Whatever the case was, John had become a person he wanted to know, that he could love. So, no, he was very far from wanting him dead, he never truly wanted that. He was less aggressive then he used to be, and he'd been remembering more, it was a good sign. He wanted John around, for all intents and purposes.   
Needless to say, he shook his head. "No. I didn't wish you were dead. I wish the situation was different, that we could all be happy instead of different levels of miserable. But, you're still John, and you'll remember everything in no time. You've already made a lot of progress." He explained.   
John seemed to like that answer, even if lots of things were still very much confusing and almost scary to him. Least his friend didn't want him dead. That was always nice.   
  
"Well, what if I don't remember? What if I'm like...always just an amnesiac?"   
"Then I won't care."   
John raised an eyebrow. "How would you not care? I'd care alot if you couldn't remember our life together. I feel like that should be a goal."  
However, Dave was fairly stuck in that mindset. Really, he had to be. Though, to him, there would never be a world where John didn't find his way back to him eventually.   
  
"Sure, it is. But, at least I'd still have some part of you. That's not nothing. It's better then you dying in a shitty car accident." He said, shrugging, but decided to lighten the very dark mood. There wasn't any reason for them to dwell on thoughts of John dying. "Besides, I'd just have to make you fall in love with me all over again." He said, shooting John a flirty smirk. John snorted in amusement. "Really? I'd love to see that, actually. I don't fall very easily for anyone." He smiled at Dave, an expression the other had missed a lot on the other's face.   
  
"I'm not just anyone, Egbert. I'm Dave. I did it once, bet I can do it all over again." He said, reaching up to grab John's hand. It was a bold move he'd never even begin to attempt with John before, but, this John seemed a lot more open to that sort of thing. It proved to be true as he looked down at their connected hands before looking back at him, that smile still very much prominent. "Your flirting skills are as smooth as a piece of sand paper. So, good luck." He said. Though, the look he shot Dave was very much a look of pure, undivided affection.   
"Fuck off. I worked hard for this ring, I'll do it again. Go on a date with me." Dave said, wiggling his ring finger at John. John had to give it to him, that smirk was fairly flattering.   
"What if I said no?"   
"You'd be able to say no if I was giving you a choice. Which, I'm not."   
  
John laughed. "Can't argue with that. You better bring me somewhere good, then I want to be pampered." He said.   
Even with all the joking, Dave couldn't believe that not that long ago, John was talking about not being gay. Now, he was talking about getting pampered by Dave on a date. It was so quick and sudden that he had to question it.   
"You don't mind? Mister 'I'm not a homosexual'?" He asked, using the very infamous line against him.   
John did actually think for a moment, but, a very brief moment. "I guess not. I mean..being gay is kinda weird. Really weird, but, we are married. So, some part of me is, so, it's a little less weird. Doesn't hurt to try and find that part again."   
  
Well, it wasn't exactly John confessing his love to Dave, but he'd take whatever he could get and be grateful for it.   
"When you go home and get settled in, I will prove to you being gay is fun and not weird."   
The two laughed, genuinely enjoying such a calm conversation. Dave more then anything, but, John had come to remember the last aggressive month of his life. Needless to say, he was happy to have complete control over his mood once again.   
  
As the two continued to talk, John was surpsied to see an unexpected visitor come quickly into the room. Dave turned as a particular younger Strider came in with purpose in his step, grabbing his father's sleeve, drawing his father's attention from the formerly pleasant conversation to instead immediately fill him with confusion. "Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were at the house with Rose and Jade?"   
How he got to the hospital seemed to be the last thing on Nic's mind, or more or less something that would definitely make Dave mad, so he skipped answering it completely. Whatever was wrong with him was urgent, Dave could see it in his wide eyes.   
"Papa. It's Casey. Something is wrong with her." Nic said. Dave could see an emotion pop up into those wide eyes, pure terror.   
  
  
Dave looked over at John to excuse himself, earning a nod from the other as he lead Nic out of the room. He let his clearly shaken up son sit in one of the chairs lined up outside before kneeling in front of him. He gently took both of his hands in his larger in comparison ones. "What's wrong, Nic. What happened?" He asked.   
He could practically see Nic's thoughts scatter themselves around the room. Really, he seemed to be figuring out a way to put them into one thought so that he made sense, otherwise he wouldn't be believed. It was like watching someone calculate the meaning of a poem. However, he doubted this would be as pretty as poetry.   
"Aunt Rose made me give Casey some lunch, and, I knocked on the door, but she didn't answer the door. S-So..I just went in." Dave nodded, trying to encourage Nic on, even if this seemed like something that was difficult for the other to admit. "Papa..I think- that..she's hurting herself."   
  
Just like that, Dave's nice and calm day with John meant nothing. Apparently, even if John was okay and happy, no one else was. Solving one problem didn't miraculously fix all of them, which, he didn't realize he'd been counting on so much before now. Two steps forward, about twenty back.   
"What do you mean? Did you see something?" He asked, needing to know what proof he had. Nic was dead set on his belief.   
"She had her sleeves rolled up..and I saw cuts. I thought they were something else- and she didn't let me look. She pulled her sleeve back down when she saw me, and she was hiding them. I dunno what else it could be." He said, looking to Dave for answers, like Dave would be able to solve everything. But, Dave was almost looking at him in the same way.   
  
He knew what it was like to be a teenager desperately looking for someone to help them. He thought Casey needed space, and last night he pretty quickly learned otherwise. Still, harming herself. It was just another thought that was so awful that he couldn't begin to think it even began to relate to his little girl. Dave didn't know what to do with that. "Are you sure?" He asked. He needed Nic to be completely confident in his thoughts, but, Nic gave a firm nod with a determined expression that Dave had to believe.   
Even if he believed him, and he never believed Nic to be a liar, he didn't know what to do with this information. He didn't even know what sort of words to offer to comfort Nic. At this point, that part of him was all dried out, and anything he had would sound more condescending then not. At this point, maybe he could really just offer promises.   
"Thank you for telling me, okay? I'm sorry you had to see that, but you won't have to see it anymore. I'll have to talk to her tonight. I know I've been lacking lately, but I'm gonna kick ass as a parent again, okay? It took me awhile, and I'm not making excuses, but, it's hard to do all of this alone. But I'm gonna do my best now." He swore, letting go of Nic's hands to instead spread his arms open to him. "Everything is going to get better. I'm sorry things suck."  
  
Dave felt awful that he had to see Casey in that sort of light when he knew Casey was very much a role model to him. But, Dave swore after today with John's mental health being more stable, it'd be easier to talk to Casey and get through to her, since he was less worried about everything. Still, it was wrong of him to wait so long, and he'd never be able to apologize enough for it.  
"Are you sure she'll listen to you? I don't think she likes it when you yell at her." Nic said. He definitely also hated when anyone yelled at anyone. So far, Nic hadn't been directly involved in any conflict, but he had witnessed plenty. He had seen his parents battle with one another, his sister argue with so many different people. Now, he was craving for the fighting to stop and to settle down in the remains of everything that had fallen, and rebuild.   
  
Dave was more than willing to help Nic accomplish that. "She'll listen if I don't yell. I promise that I'm done yelling. I didn't know that she just needed someone to listen to her." He said. This wasn't him attempting to make Nic feel better. Sure, that was the goal, but he was being honest and promising this to himself as well.   
Nic smiled, knowing that this was the case. "But what if it gets worse before you can make it better? Why did she do it at all?" He asked.   
Nic had a fairly closed off life before, unlike Casey, he'd never been exposed to this sort of thing. They'd all lived a very happy life before now.  
  
"Usually, people do it when they're unhappy. That's where Uncle Dirk got his scars. She's been really sad lately, and I didn't really help her the right way. When people are sad, sometimes they hurt themselves to help being upset." He explained, not exactly wanting to go very intensely into all the details about teenage depression. Or, depression in general. Maybe this was the best time for Nic to learn, but, he couldn't bring himself to do it, not with the sword already hanging over his head.   
"If she's happy, she won't do it then, right?"   
Dave nodded, and that seemed to help Nic feel much more secure about his sister's wellbeing.   
"Then, we'll just have to make her really happy so she won't do it again." He said, already coming up with a million things to do just that, Dave could practically see every idea flashing before his eyes. Dave smiled at him.  
"We will. Everyone is going to be really happy soon. Do you want to come in and see dad? He's doing good today."   
  
Even with their solution, Nic was still very worried about Casey. But, getting to see John seemed to lessen that burden for now as he nodded. Dave helped the younger up and lead him back into the room. However, now that the situation was better controlled, he turned to a more pressing issue.   
"So, how did you get here, exactly? Gonna guess my phone is filling up with messages from your aunts trying to figure out where you ran off." He said, shooting a look to his guilty looking son, who denied nothing.   
"The hospital isn't that far from the house! It only took me twenty minutes to get here."   
Needless to say, Nic earned himself a gentle slap on the head and a warning about doing it again.   
  
They settled themselves down with John, who was happy for the company. Even with his mood being much better, John did still struggle with treating the kids like his kids. However, he was better at it with Nic. He just had a problem bonding with Casey in all realities.   
"Everything alright? Did you guys work it out?" He asked. He could tell something was wrong before, and even now, he could make out some worry on the two.   
But, Nic immediately nodded. "I'm okay! Papa and I are gonna talk to Casey and make her happy tonight." He said, smiling at his father. Dave nodded in support as Nic wiggled around to get comfortable in his lap. John nodded as he watched. "Good. I wish there was something I could tell her but..I don't think she's my biggest fan. Or a fan at all." He said, lips pulled into a tight line.   
"I think even just wanting to do something is good. Besides, you should be going home soon, so you'll have a lot of time to talk to her." Dave reassured him.   
  
A nurse came in to check on John's antibiotics, making sure they were doing what they were supposed to. Ontop of that, she injected something else, setting up a machine, and Dave could guess that was likely morphine John had asked for earlier. John didn't pay much mind to her though, instead offering Dave a look of gratitude.   
Dave wasn't about to drop the bomb of Casey's self harm on John, especially not when he didn't fully understand all the details. John had just gotten all good and happy, and he didn't want to take that from him. So, naturally, he changed subjects altogether. Ignoring problems was something he was becoming good at.   
  
"Hey, Nic. Dad and I are going on a date." Dave said. Before all of this, Nic loved helping John and Dave plan their dates. It started when he was a toddler and hated when his parents left him. Somehow, describing the date helped, and as the years went on, he usaully added onto it.   
It was still working to instantly brighten his mood, especially given the fact that this would close the distance that had formed between his parents lately. "Really? What kind of date?" He asked, looking between them both.   
"Well, he wants something special. Any ideas?" Dave asked.   
John seemed to catch onto the fact that this was something Nic liked to do, so, he was happy to jump in.   
  
"Yeah, no three star restaurants. I want the full experience." John said, already seeming pleased with the conversation. Nic thought for a moment, wiggling his foot. "Maybe you can go to that Italian place downtown, near the fountain. That's a really romantic place. You could always walk around the park after, too." Nic suggested. Ontop of it being a Romantic location, that fountain had also been the place where the two got engaged. It was no accident that Nic had offered it. Maybe it'd jog a memory or two.    
"I like it, but I don't like that Italian place. The waiter dropped spaghetti on me and just walked away." Dave said. John shot him a look of disbelief, even if he started to laugh. "There's no way that happened." He said, but Dave only laughed with him before trying to convince him that it was a very real thing that had happened. "It did! They kicked us out when we went there for our dinner before our engagement. Haven't treated us the same since. Probably have our pictures up."   
  
That raised more questions then proving the story's viability. "Why did they kick us out?"   
"We were throwing lobster at each other." Dave explained casually, which just added to John's overall amusement. "Lobster? Isn't lobster really expensive? I think I'd throw us out, too."   
"Hey, what we do with our lobster is our business. Besides, you were pretty pissed at me. So, I was trying to make it up to you."  
  
Once again, it raised more questions. John didn't even have to ask them, Dave was already explaining. "You thought I was cheating on you. I wasn't home as much, and then you heard me talking to someone on the phone a lot when I was alone. But, I was just putting shit together for our engagement. You were so ready to dump me if I didn't make it up to you." Dave said, amusement laced in his voice. Hey, no one had ever said their love story was always pretty.   
"I sounded like a drama queen." John said, clearly entertained by the idea of them breaking up when Dave was just trying to propose. Dave snorted, and John sent him a look of scorning, already figuring what his response would be.   
  
"You still are a drama queen." He teased the ravenette. Nic butted back in before the two could playfully dissolve into bickering. "Hey, we have a romantic evening to plan!" He said, narrowing his eyes at both parents, who let small chuckles escape them. Dave raised his hands in defense.   
"Well, shit. Go for it then, Nic. Give us the romance we so desperately lack in our loveless lives." Dave said.  
Nic brought his foot up to kick his father in the shin.   
"Shh, this is a good idea! I still think you should go for a walk, though! You can go to another italian place, too. There's alot of them downtown."   
"Really have your heart set on italian food, Nic. Trying to tell me something?" Dave joked.   
However, John seemed pleased with the idea.   
  
"Well, I like Italian, so I think it's a good idea. Plus, a walk sounds good." John said, seeming fairly happy to be having this conversation, especially in comparison to the very upsetting one not that long previous. Dave was pleased to see that expression on him. "Okay, so, we'll get Italian and walk around the park. And, we'll order Nic something to pay him for being a good planner." Dave said, Nic beaming at him in response, showing his true intentions behind planning this date. That was a common thing among the other planning their dates as well.   
"Thank you! Maybe when dad and Casey are better, we can all go on a big family date."  
  
Once again, they were brought back to the same sad place they had started on. But, Dave was determined to keep it positive this time around. Normally, the conversation went dark when recovery was brought into it.   
"That sounds good to me. We'll pick a sunny day and we'll go to a park or something." It was an idea Nic instantly fell in love with.   
"Yeah! Casey can show us some of her football tactics. She was working on a new tackling technique before."   
  
Nic knew Casey wasn't on the football team anymore. However, it was nice to think he was optimistic that she loved it still. "Football? I used to be good at running track." John said. Dave scoffed.   
"Yeah, because it was the one sport you didn't get hit in the face doing. He's broken his wrist so many times, it's probably more metal then bone." Dave teased. Even if John wanted to protest, he knew he couldn't.   
"I'm really bad at sports, too. I was good at soccer though!"   
"Well, until you tripped and got hit in the face by the ball." John recalled.   
  
Dave looked at him, and with how happy he looked, John could tell that his recallation was a new memory. That was something that had John's face mimicking the same expression.   
It'd been like that, really. It wasn't like John was randomly hit with a random memory. Normally, they had to say something to trigger it, and it just filed in like it was nothing. "I was good at it before then, though." Nic protested, but even he seemed happy about his father's ability to remember things despite that.   
  
John laughed. "I'm sure you were. But, are you guys good at eating something that doesn't come from those vending machines?" He said, giving the two a knowing look. Both Striders pouted.   
"Of course you had to remember being a health nut." Dave complained as he got up, helping Nic stand after. He could tell when John was kicking them out so they could take care of themselves.   
"Well, that nurse jut gave me a hell of a shot of morphine, so, I'm about to get loopy and sleepy. Run while you can." Dave chuckled, but didn't have to be told otherwise.   
  
"Fine, have fun on your drug trip. We'll be back tomorrow." He said, leaning down to give the ravenette a firm but soft hug. He lifted Nic up so he'd have a chance to do the same.   
"Eat something good. I'll know. Goodnight." John said, waving off Dave's teasing.   
  
Dave smiled and waved back with Nic before the two left. He really wished Casey was able to see this; if she could be around, John probably would remember more having to do with her. But for now, he had to settle on trying to help yet another harmful condition.   
One loud truck ride later, and the two Strider's pulled u at the house. Jade and Rose's mini van was still parked outside, and the two pushed open the front door the second Dave's truck pulled in.   
They were on them before they could even get out.   
  
"Nic, we were worried! Don't run off like that again! Ask us to bring you before you run to the hospital!" Jade whined as Nic got out, giving his very worrisome Aunt a hug.   
"I'm sorry. You were with Jaspers, and it was important, I promise."   
Dave got out of the truck next, locking it behind him as he looked over at his sisters. "So, where's Casey? She's still home, right?"   
If Nic was right, then her problem had to be handled and soon. Hopefully, if he could help her with this, he'd be able to help her with everything else.  
  
"She's been in her room. She hasn't really come out all day, but, she's in the bathroom now. I heard her running a bath earlier if you want to speak with her." Rose said as Jade lifted up her nephew, who seemed content in getting squished in a protective hug. Jade was pretty good at punishing with love.   
Dave nodded, heading inside with everyone else. As they settled in the living room, he went upstairs. He poked his head first into Casey's room for a second, making sure she wasn't there.   
Though he raised an eyebrow to see it completely spotless. Casey never cleaned. Her pale yellow sheets were tucked in perfectly. He paused when seeing a little folded up paper on the bed.   
He grabbed it, slowly unwrapping it.   
  
**_"To: Everyone_**  
  
 ** _I never understood suicide, never understood killing yourself and giving up instead of trying to make things better. Until now, apparently._**  
 ** _Making things better isn't easy. Some people just don't want to hear it. Papa, this isn't just about you._**  
 ** _You've given me a better life, all of you have. Without you guys, I'd probably still be some mute girl shriveling up in that orphanage, all alone. Thank you for giving me a safe place to grow up, and eventually, die, knowing I was loved._**  
 ** _I love you more then anything. Nic, make sure to take care of yourself, even if no one else does._**  
 ** _Papa, I don't blame you. I'm sorry for saying what I did, I know you're trying. And I hate that I'm adding onto everything. I'm the one who didn't try hard enough, but I can't try anymore. It's all my fault more then it's anyone else's._**  
  
 ** _Thank you so much for everything. I'm so sorry._**

  
 ** _Love, Casey"_**  
  
Her name was barely eligible by the end, the entire letter getting more shaky as it progressed. Like she was trembling the entire time, and it only got worse as she realized exactly what she was writing.   
Dave dropped the letter, that might as well should have been written in blood, turning and running out of the room as quickly as possible. 


	13. Hemorrhage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions rise as Casey is hospitalized for a suicide attempt, and everyone is forced to take the blame. Dave blames it all on one person, while John comes to a resolution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SLIGHTLY GRAPHIC SUICIDE/SELF HARM. I DON'T GO INTO DETAIL, BUT I DO STATE WHAT IS HAPPENING~
> 
>  
> 
> REALLY QUICK- this chapter is sort of hella long. I actually cut an entire conversation between John and Casey, which I'll probably upload as it's own thing. 
> 
> Also, I realized that at another point in the story, I think I established Dirk being older then Dave, when I intended it to be the other way around the entire time, sorry if that's confusing! This is a major turning point in the story as everyone gauges the situation and just how severe it could get if things continue on like they are; from here, it's alot of character development and there will be more cute scenes! But, I still have some angst up my sleeve.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone for the love and support on this story! Any comment I get means the absolute world to me, this story has become everything to me and I love hearing feedback about it, and that everyone likes this little world I've built.

"Casey, where did you go, princess?"  
Casey popped her head up above the water, eyes opening and blinking as water dripped down her face. Her papa was standing on the shore, shoulders sagging in relief as he saw his daughter. "What's she doing out there?" John said as he stepped over, putting his hands over his eyes in a sort of shield to see properly, bouncing a red headed infant in his arms. Dave shrugged, and suddenly, Casey was unable to listen to the rest of their conversation. Pain shot through her entire body, making her freeze up completely in the water as a scream ripped through her lungs. She had just learned to swim, not that long after she began to open up and speak. She could barely keep herself above the water, feet barely reaching the bottom of the river even until she was walking up to the shore.  
She was unable to move, unable to feel anything as slowly, her body refused to keep itself above the water. It started sinking to the bottom, like a rock, something she couldn't control. Eventually, her screams gave away to nothing as water started filling her lungs. Every part of her wanted desperately to move, to fight, to get above the water. But, it seemed like there was no strength in her small body.  
Somehow, her father's voice broke through the water, and she felt arms desperately trying to pull her back up. "Casey! Come back! Stay with me!"  
Her eyes shot open to the sound of more and more screaming, and suddenly, they weren't at the beach anymore. But the pain coursing through her was very real as she hacked up large amounts of water. None of it was enough. 

"Stay with me, princess! Fuck, please! Come on!" Dave's eyes weren't youthful like they had been in her memory of the beach. Oxygen filled her lungs instead of water, and she frantically tried to take in as much as she could as her eyes dotted with black. Dave watched on with horror as despite the water slowly leaving her lungs, the agony his little girl was in didn't lessen. His shades had fallen off his face, showing every worried crease that had formed under his eyes.  
Casey said something, that maybe made sense to her, but it was an incoherent mess to everyone else. 

The room flooded with people as she was pulled from the bathtub, set next to a bloody razor and bottle of sleeping pills. All voices blended together, almost like a scream that Casey couldn't get out. Her body was dripping with something else besides the water, her skin being stained.  
Just like that, the world went out around her. 

An ambulance was already on the way as Dave didn't hesitate. Casey's body had quickly gone weak and pliant in his arms as it gave back away to the medication in her system, and he wouldn't watch her lips turn blue. He couldn't watch the life leave her face.  
Her arms were lined with deep gashes, glistening with fresh blood as they still poured. Jade threw her phone aside from where she'd called the ambulance as Dave started CPR, trying to get all the water from his daughter's lungs. 

It was like his mind had switched off, refusing to believe that it was seeing what it was. He didn't even cast a glance at the weapons Casey had used in her own self destruction, he didn't look at her arms. Hell, he'd closed his eyes and pretend the whole thing wasn't happening if he wasn't watching for any sign of life in his daughter's face. When he saw nothing, he became more desperate, pumping her chest desperately.  
"Dave- Dave, move. You're going to break her ribs. Let me take over, I have her, I promise." Jade's voice came, hand gently resting itself on Dave's shoulder.  
Dave had almost blocked out what she said, shut out the entire world besides him and Casey, until Rose's arms came around him. The touch was suddenly the only thing he could focus on, and his eyes flicked off Casey's face instead to Jade's. 

Even if it was by force, he ended up moving back, and Jade took over, immediately pressing her hands over her niece's heart and resuming where Dave had left off. Dave collapsed, the gravity of the situation hitting him as Rose's arms engulfed him, and he was pulled against her petite frame.  
"I-I-...I-I did- t-this." Dave sobbed, almost unable to look as his face started to pour with more then just sweat. The tears fell at a quick rate, to the point where he had no time to be embarrassed about them. Rose's hands rubbed over her brother's sides, holding him tightly against her, in a heap on the bathroom floor.  
His head nestled itself into her shoulder, letting himself be held tightly as his sister muttered reassurances to him. He couldn't watch one more person he love slip away right through his finger tips, couldn't keep giving up parts of himself to save them.  
He couldn't save them.

Suddenly, a voice broke through the air as footsteps came rushing in the direction of the bathroom as Nic seemed to finally fully catch wind of the situation from the twin's, who tried chasing him down. However, it was too late as he made his way to the bathroom doorway, his entire expression going pale and falling into one of such horror that- well, Dave didn't think he'd ever be the same.  
"Casey! Casey-" He yelled, running into the bathroom. Dave moved away from Rose as Nic collapsed onto his knees besides her almost peaceful looking body as it gave the slightest bit with each push against her heart. He grabbed her face, gently shaking her, soft sobs leaving him as he turned desperately to look at his father. "S-She's just sleeping, right? Right?! P-papa- papa do s-something! P-Please! Help her!" He all but screamed.

Despite his son's heart breaking pleas, Dave knew his time to help had long since been over. That window had closed when he didn't even know it had existed at all. Words failed him like he'd failed his son, and his daughter. He was the only one Nic relied on right now, and even if the younger Strider was asking such a simple task, something Casey had been asking of him since day one, he had no resolution.  
It wasn't a sight he'd get over. He'd never be able to forget Nic crying over his sister's body as he pleaded for Dave to do something. She'd only been in this position because of him, and John. 

Nothing in that note was about him, but, Dave knew. He knew this was about him, that she was angry at him for leaving her. She didn't need to give him a farewell, because she thought he'd already said goodbye to her anyway. There was no doubt that she loved her father, and that in all the time he spent mourning his, she was mourning the loss of her own.  
It was a loss she didn't think she could get over, she thought there was no way out.  
Because Dave didn't help her, he didn't see what was going on, even if it'd been blatant the entire time.  
Now, they were here, and they didn't know where to go. 

The paramedics showed themselves in, and everyone was forced to leave the now very crowded bathroom. Nic noticeably didn't look at Dave, his eyes never met his sister as she was covered with a blanket. Someone even asked him if he wanted a shock blanket. They weren't even given the option to ride along, the medics were too busy doing everything they could to keep Casey stable enough to survive the trip to the hospital.  
Instead, they all piled into the mini van. Unlike his ride to the hospital with John, he knew exactly what was happening every step of the way. As awful as what had happened to John had been, it was medical and he had no say in it. But, this was different.

This could've been stopped, and he was probably the only person who had the capability to do so.  
The van followed the ambulance, so they arrived at just about the same time. Dave got out just as Doctor Alexandra was the first to come outside to greet the ambulance. Dave could see it when her face went from one of determination to one of recognition, and when her eyes met Dave's, they were filled with sorrow.  
However, she took all of that and immediately turned it into power to save her life. There wasn't time for anyone to get emotional right now. 

For the second time in two days, and for the third time in just about a month, a nurse came to comfort him and show him where to go. Instead of following her, he pushed past her, knowing exactly where he needed to go right now.  
Jade and Rose called after him, but no one chased him or followed him. 

Somehow, he ended up in John's room. He was completely unaware of how he looked until John's eyes fell on him, all shine leaving them as they widened. Dave looked down at himself, seeing blood on the front of his shirt from when he'd first lifted Casey up out of the tub. "Woah, what happened? Are you okay?" John asked, voice full of concern for the Strider.  
Dave stared at his shirt for awhile, formulating an answer. He wanted something that was articulate and expressed everything he was going through. Only one word came out. "You."  
John's concern morphed into confusion. "Me?" 

Dave looked up, only then noticing his shades had fallen off long ago. He met John's gaze.  
"Yeah, you. I wasn't a great help, but I wouldn't have needed to help at all her if you were the one who was okay! Apparently, it doesn't matter if I'm okay! It doesn't matter if I think everything is okay, because nothing is, no one is okay. I'm starting to get sick of that word. Sitting here and planning dates doesn't just make the rest of the world go away." Nothing he was saying explained the situation, and would make no sense to anyone who didn't know what was happening. John knew enough to know that of course, what Dave was saying was fairly insulting, and the face he gave Dave showed just that. 

How was Dave happy barely an hour ago, and now he was yelling at John and blaming him for things he wouldn't even tell him about?  
"Dave, what is this about? Why are you yelling at me?" He asked, needing to at least get a rough outline of what was going on before he could even think about helping.  
Dave was noticeably choked up for a moment, and John could tell whatever it was, he didn't want to admit it out-loud. It seemed like it was something Dave hadn't even come to terms with admitting to himself yet.  
"Casey is in the hospital. She tried to kill herself. She thinks everyone stopped caring about her, and that you gave up."

John knew nothing about Casey. He recognized her as his child, but, that was where it ended. He didn't know her. But hearing that she attempted suicide? It was about the most heart breaking thing he'd heard. Instantly, it almost felt like he was going to throw up. "She...what?"  
John's state of shock lessened the blows Dave wanted to give, but he didn't just stop. Every part of him was filled with so much..anger and regret that it was overwhelming. "She tried to kill herself. She felt so alone, and sad, and lost that she thought it was the only way to make it stop. And you did that! You didn't want to get up, didn't want to eat or drink or take your meds! Your lung collapsed! I was so busy worrying about you that I didn't even have time to think about her." He continued on anyway, despite how he knew this was making John feel. He was different now, he not only listened to critique and the things people had to say, but he took it all to heart. 

Despite his hurt at Dave's harsh ranting, he did what he could to make Dave feel better and to overall relax. It seemed like he very desperately needed, whether he was being a bit rude or not. "Calm down. You need to breathe." He said, but the clearly stressed out blonde refused to even accept 'calm' as anything other then a four letter word. "No. It's like every time I calm down, everything gets worse! Whenever I decide things are okay, you come al-"  
He was about to launch into a whole different rant, but for both of their own goods, John was quick to stop him. He didn't think he was completely free of all blame, but he also didn't think he deserved all of it. Especially when it was clear Dave was trying to pass blame onto other people so that he didn't have to deal with the situation at hand. 

"No. Stop it right now, Dave. You don't get to point fingers at me. I'm not saying this is your fault, and I'm not saying it isn't my fault. But you need to watch who you're accusing of things. Casey was sick, she has been for awhile, right? This was coming no matter what. Did we help it? No, but there's way more to it then just me forgetting to take medicine when I wasn't mentally competent." He said. He tried keeping his voice soft, but firm, so that Dave could fully understand him, and his words could only be taken one way. If they both started yelling and rejecting blame, they'd never get anywhere, and it'd defintely never help Casey. 

It got through to him, as his expression dropped from angry to purely defeated. He could tell that every day, every second, Dave's burden was very much still a heavy weight he carried. Since the day John had first woken up, it almost looked like the other had aged years. He had likely permanent worry and frown lines, and creasing under his currently exposed eyes.  
"I didn't do this." Dave got out after a long moment of the two simply looking at one another. John frowned in response. "I know you didn't." 

John, even with his current lack of memory, was still the only person who could bring Dave any form of comfort at this sort of crucial time. He could tell, too, but could also see the tears forming in the corners of his eyes as he took in what was happening to his daughter.  
With a little bit of difficulty, he scooted over on the bed, making space besides him. Luckily, despite his own slightly stocky form, Dave was lanky and thin enough to fit in the bed with him. He patted the area for his friend, who seemed to desperately need the closeness. "Come here. Come lay down." He said.  
Dave was very surprised to the gesture that his first instinct was to say no and turn away. John definitely was not allowing that, though, and became more insistent. 

Dave was indeed desperate enough, just like John had thought, so he took the offer and stepped over. He climbed up onto the bed, careful with John's IV's. Even with them though, he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around him. The feeling of it was almost foreign to Dave by now, since he barely remembered what it felt like to get held by John.  
He nustled his head against Dave's shoulder, legs twining together. It all felt so natural, like they were meant to hold one another like this. As John gently rubbed his hand down Dave's arm, he spoke up again. 

"She'll be okay. I know that you think it's your fault, but you did try. Maybe you could've tried harder, but, she could've, too. Everyone's to blame. I didn't have to give her the cold shoulder. Well, Nic is innocent here." John said softly, offering comfort in the form of joking. It seemed to work better as Dave made a happy sound in response.  
"Nic is always the innocent one. I fee like he's seen so much lately, though. He was crying over her." 

John held onto him tighter at just the image. Nic was a very sweet and kind kid, and some part of him knew the same was to be said about Casey. Still, he knew no one in the family deserved what had happened to them. "Is he with Rose and Jade?" He asked. None of them should be alone at that moment, and he guessed that if Nic wasn't attached to their leg right now, he was likely busy being attached to someone else. Dave nodded, and John was relieved.  
The two simply took comfort in one another's company for awhile, curled up and listening to the sound of each other breathing, relishing in the sound. They both had lost one another in a way, and considering everyone around them seemed to be disappearing in one way or another, it was good to have confirmation that right now they were safe and happy. Dave didn't exactly know it was what he needed before then, but he ended up falling asleep before he could fight it. 

It was only an hour later when John gently shook him awake. His eyes opened and adjusted to the bright lights directly above his head before he looked around. He noticed that everyone had discovered where he'd ran off. He sat up as he saw Doctor Alexandra as well.  
"Is she okay?" He asked, not even giving her a shot to speak first, not wasting time on small talk. If she was here, it meant she wasn't saving Casey. Which meant Casey was either fine, or much worse. 

Much to his relief, she nodded, and gave the family a moment to take in the good news before she could pound them with much worse news. John gently pat at Dave's back, a silent 'you'll be okay'. Then, the doctor went on, popping their bubble before it had much of a chance to float. "She lost alot of blood, and there was a lot of water in her lungs. It's likely she took some sort of sleeping medication and went underwater after harming herself. Luckily, we were able to get her back, and she'll be alright. Right now, though, as a precaution and as policy, she'll need to stay here for seventy two hours at least in the psychiatric ward."  
Dave could definitely take that. Hell, she could have said Casey had to stay here for six months and Dave still would've thanked her. As long as Casey was alive, he'd take everything she said with a smile. 

Except, well, she wasn't exactly done, and things weren't getting much better. "I also believe she should be enrolled in therapy. And.." She hesitated for a moment, eyes briefly flicking over to John before moving back on Dave. She seemed to change what she had to say. "-Actually, maybe we can talk more privately about this, Mr. Strider."  
Dave tilted his head. Talking privately normally meant bad things. He thought they were in the clear of bad things, but he supposed that these days, he should never think that. "What is it?" 

It was clear that whatever it was, she didn't want to say it in front of everyone. Or, considering the looks she kept shooting his way, John.  
"I'd really prefer to have this conversation by ourselves."  
As persistent as she was to have the conversation elsewhere, Dave was determined for her to get it over with and spit it out.  
"Whatever it is, you can just say it. We've all been through enough together. We can take a little more bad news, we can't break." 

It was a convincing enough speech, even if Dave clutched tightly onto John's hands as their doctor gave in. "I'm releasing John tonight. I believe his recovery will be better off at home. Because of that, Casey's body will heal fine, but her mind won't be so simple. Suicide is a very traumatizing thing, especially in people her age. I think her recovery is going to be hindered by John's. I suggest that she stays elsewhere until they both feel better."  
Dave's first reaction was pure rejection. What the hell did this doctor think she was talking about? How would an entire change in life style and taking Casey from her family help her recover? He wasn't convinced. 

"But I'm better then I was before." John spoke up, clearly feeling very similarly to Dave about the idea. It didn't sway the doctor's mind. "But you still are not the sort of figure she needs, and your mental status still isn't entirely stable. You could have lapses in stability. I've been with all of you this entire time, and I don't want to see Casey here again."  
Dave knew the doctor's concern did truthfully extend beyond the medicine. He saw that when she saw Casey in the ambulance. She truthfully wanted what was best for his family, and Dave realized she probably knew it the best. 

Still sensing the hesitance in the room, the doctor took the time to excuse herself so that they could talk about the idea and breathe it all in.  
Jade spoke up first in the long silence that followed. "She can stay with us. We can make the room for her." She offered, Rose nodding her approval before adding on. "I could get her in with someone good at my office, aswell."  
However, Dave was still adjusting to the thought. But he knew that if they were doing this, it wouldn't be like that. Of course he loved his sisters and trusted their parenting abilities, but, this was a very fragile situation.  
"No. You guys have a baby, he needs the attention, and so do your girls. She needs someone who can focus on just her and make sure she's okay. If we do this at all, anyway, it's still crazy." 

Dave's explanation onl brought one person to almost everyone's mind, and almost had him regretting bringing it up.  
Rose's faded black painted lips quirked up. "You want to send her off with Mom, essentially?" 

Just the idea had Dave squinting for reasons other then the bright lights. When he moved out here from Texas, besides the Egbert's, the Lalondes were also a huge help to him. Mom had moved with Rose and Roxy when they all got accepted to the same college, and very quickly took the misguided Strider's under her wing. They were both searching fairly desperately for a parental role, and needless to say, that's what she became to them, and he considered her his mother.  
Her heart was in the right place, and Dave loved her with every fiber of his being. But, she did tend to be overbearing and nurturing, which ironically might just turn out to be exactly what Casey needed.  
"Maybe. Mom is home alot anyway. If she treated Casey like she did her cats, she'll be better in no time at all." Dave said.  
Of course, they'd look into it the more the idea was considered, but it seemed like a good option. 

For now, they waited for the Doctor to come back with John's discharge papers. Dave signed them as John's IV's were carefully removed, and was given a change of clothes.  
Even if they were still spending time in the hospital pending Casey's discharge, it was a nice feeling to know that at least John's recovery was going well. 

They followed a nurse to where Casey had been put, and saw that they weren't the first ones there. Apparently, while he was asleep, Dirk and Jake had been called. And, Dirk did not at all look pleased. Dave knew that the anger settled over his expression wasn't at all aimed at the situation. No, that was definitely aimed at only one person.  
As Dirk got up, he held a hand up, stopping him before he could start.  
"Hey, Nic. Why don't you go to the cafe with Aunt Rose and Jade to get some dinner?" He said, turning and smiling at his son. Nic really didn't have to see an another argument.  
Nic seemed confused about why he was being sent away already, but went with it anyway. The second the door closed behind them, he turned and looked at Dirk, who didn't hesitate. 

"What the fuck is this? It was apparently not a thought that even crossed your mind to fucking call me? I find out an hour later from Roxy. Roxy, who lives in fucking New York, calls me and asks if she thinks she needed to fly over for this critical situation that no one told me about. Can you imagine my confusion?"  
"I'm sorry-" Dave started, but his brother didn't want to hear it. He didn't need excuses or apologies.  
"Your daughter is in the hospital for a suicide attempt, and the first thing you do is go and take a nap? Not sit at her bedside, not call the family. No, you let Rose handle that while you run with your tail between your legs. What the fuck is wrong with you?" Dirk continued. 

Jake's hand came up, grabbing his boyfriend's arm in an attempt to stop him. But Dirk pulled it away, completely uninterested in anything besides his brother in front of him.  
"I didn't know what was going on with her. She wasn't saying anything." Dave tried to explain in a weak attempt to make the situation seem better. However, the fire didn't die down in Dirk's expression. If anything, he was furious that Dave was trying to take the situation for less then it was.  
"So you just roll over and give up? No. You don't just give up on someone you swore to protect. You take a magnifying glass to everything, you don't stop until you find out. Of course she wasn't going to tell you anything, she wanted to know if you cared enough to find out yourself."  
Dave's guilt continued to grow as he listened to everything Dirk said, knowing that it was all completely true. Maybe it was just that which had him desperate for Dirk to let him get a word in, but his younger brother was against that. Everything hit him hard in comparison to the more comforting talk he had with John earlier. 

"I love her. She's my kid and I was only trying to do what was best." He said finally, not sure what else he could even say that Dirk would believe. The other wasn't listening to excuses from him, and Dave pitifully knew that was all he had offer.  
Dirk shook his head in pure disapproval. "Look where that got you. You should've listened to me from the start, when I warned you about this shit! I told you her drinking was bigger and you didn't fucking listen!" He said. But, just to drive the nail in further, and just to make sure this was a rant Dave would never be able to forget, he stepped closer before tugging the white sleeve of his shirt over his elbow, showing endless amounts of faint scars lining his wrists. Dave didn't even have to look at them to know what Dirk was showing. "This? Do you know how miserable you have to be to even think about resulting to this, never mind suicide? Do you know how many times you have to reach out for help just to be shoved aside before you tear yourself apart? I'm almost thirty years old, Dave, but I'll probably be in therapy for the rest of my life, because of this." 

The truth was hitting Dave hard at this point. He didn't realize how close to home both Casey's self harm and suicide attempt was to not just Dirk, but everyone else in the family. The entire time with Bro had easily been the worst of their entire lives, and neither of them had ever recovered properly from it. Dirk hd been younger, but that didn't mean he was given any mercy. Dave took plenty of strife's in the other's place, but the verbal abuse was about just as bad, along with all the mind games.  
He could remember Dirk's face, his blank and empty expression that used to be at his door every night with blood soaking through his sleeves. The idea that what he had done was just as bad as what Bro had done to them was...absolutely terrifying.  
It was the one thing that had him saying no to kids for four years. This was his worst nightmare, and he didn't know if he could ever forgive himself for that. For any of this. 

"I'm sorry."  
At this point, he didn't know who exactly he was apologizing to.  
"Don't be sorry to me. Be sorry to her. John is important, and I know that you have to take care of him, but he isn't your only responsibility. You still have two kids who you can't neglect to run off with him when things get too hard." 

Maybe Dirk was being honest, but that was exactly where Dave drew the line. Everyone could feel the atmosphere in the room change as Dave's expresion morphed into something else entirely. It was John who reached out this time, and Dave who shrugged it away.  
He understood Dirk's point well enough by now, so at that point, he was truthfully just saying rude things for the sake of saying them. Dave hated being called a quitter, being known as someone who ran from things, exactly like his brother used to call him whenever he gave up mid-strife.

"I don't run away from anything. I wasn't there sometimes when things were hard, but it wasn't because I ran away. I didn't run when Bro wanted to strife with you. I was the one who threw myself in front of the sword for you." Dave snapped.  
Instead of feeling the guilt Dave had earlier, Dirk was filled with more annoyance. "You can't just bring up the past and act like it makes your entire personality." 

The laugh Dave made in response to that was one of pure..resentment of the entire situation he'd found himself in. His daughter was unconscious in a bed right next to them, recovering from a suicide attempt, while he yelled at his baby brother. He managed to fail both people who looked up to him. But that didn't mean he wouldn't stand up for himself when being wrongfully accused of something.  
"I can't? You're the one who was just screaming about scars from your past and talking about how you never recovered from it. You're the one who's been dating the same guy for almost ten years but won't take a promise ring from him, or sleep in the same bed. You use your past as an excuse more then anyone here for someone who's 'moved on', you fucking hypocrite." 

They were both tossing around low blows like it was nothing at that point, and already Dave could feel shame gnawing at his stomach already at being so vicious to the one person he had dedicated his entire youth to protecting from the world. Yet, here he was, unveiling that same person's insecruities and pointing and laughing at them.  
Dave thought Dirk was going to storm out, but was instead surprised when the other brought his arm back, and there was a fist headed right towards his face as he was hit so hard that he could already feel the bruise forming under the surface of his skin.  
Good thing he wasn't wearing his shades, they would've been shattered by that point. Dirk was pulled back, and his arms were forced behind his back by Jake as John stepped forward to push back Dave before he could swing a punch in response. 

"What the fuck was that for? You can yell at me but I'm not allowed to yell at the almighty Dirk Strider?" Dave yelled, but despite wanting his revenge, he didn't thrash and try to shove past John all that much. Mostly because he didn't want to hurt the other.  
"I never asked you to take any beating for me! It was shitty for both of us, and you have a shiny pretty life. You always had a whole team in your corner! Some people don't recover like you do!" Dirk said, almost completely ignoring what Dave had said. Just like that, Dave could tell that what he had said had truthfully hurt his brother in unimaginable ways, but also, that this wasn't just about Dirk. He could tell some part of his rant applied to Casey aswell.  
Just because Dave had adapted to the situation and went with it didn't mean everyone else did. Eventually, the brothers burnt themselves out, and John and Jake released them, allowing them to stand in the dust as it settled at their feet. 

The time for arguing and throwing around the blame was done. Then again, neither were ones to straight out apologize.  
"I don't run away." Dave said, rubbing at the side of his throbbing face. Dirk's chest heaved the slightest bit from all the yelling and his struggling against Jake. Still, he knew when it was time to drop all weapons.  
"I know you don't." He said. It was about the closest to apologies that the two would offer, and they accepted them. 

John almost couldn't believe that he'd seen that. He offered to stay with Casey as the two Strider's and his brother went to go see Nic, and hopefully went out to grab something to eat. It seemed like they needed the fresh air more then anything else.  
As they filed out, he turned his direction to the teen in the bed.  
Casey was his daughter. He believed it, he knew it. He saw himself in the teenager too much. Or, more importantly, who he used to be. He used to be so angry at the world, so unsure of himself. Maybe Dave couldn't see it, hell maybe no one could, but even if he told everyone he didn't know Casey, he knew her like he knew his own mind.  
She wanted someone to see who she was underneath the front he'd put up. He could see that in her pushing everyone away, in her silence where every part of her face said she wanted to speak up. 

He grabbed a chair, maneuvering around it in a way that Dave had said was 'too much like a pregnant woman' due to his ribs.  
He glanced up at the montiors, realizing there were probably a few different times Dave had been stuck in this same exact position only recently. Needless to say, it sucked, and this was just his kid that quite literally wished him dead. He couldn't imagine it being his husband. Even that was something he was only recently coming to terms with; just the concept of having a husband. 

Or, more specifically, the idea that he married Dave Strider of all people. The one person who he always thought would never find love in anyone, especially himself. How did that just happen?  
He was truthfully a little star struck, even if he hadn't fully come to terms with being gay yet. All things came in time, and maybe he'd never fully come around, but for everyone's sake he definitely had to try.  
Right now, instead of thinking about his marriage, he should be the one helping Casey. Dave had all but told him that he didn't mean what he said about it being John's fault, but even with his memory issues, John still had a sense of compassion. He could've helped.  
So now, he made note of doing just that, even if Casey would be sent elsewhere for her initial recovery. 

For now, if all he could do was sit at her bedside and hold her hand, he'd do it. He'd do whatever it took to play his tiny part in showing Casey that he'd be a shoulder to cry on if she ever decided she needed it again.  
He was ready to close the distance.


	14. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave begins the first step to helping Casey recover, and John begins making realizations about his current life, and decides to give Dave a shot.

No one brought up the elephant in the room. Instead, they chatted with Casey like the situation was nothing. Like she was just there for a check up.   
Needless to say, no one wanted to talk about it. It didn't seem like anyone wanted to bring up the fact that Casey had slipped right between their fingers. 

Dave was quiet almost the entire time everyone else was in the room. He didn't laugh at any jokes, and didn't offer any of his own. There was no particular emotion anywhere on him, and Casey could tell that he was definitely thinking about her situation.   
She felt awful about that, not about what she'd done, but the after math she had left behind. She didn't think she'd live long enough to see it, and now that she was, she almost wanted to take it all back.   
Almost.  
Truthfully, she didn't let herself figure out why she'd ever even went down this stupid path of self destruction. It wasn't like she even intended to. She was having a shitty night, and her boyfriend shoved a blunt in her face. Then suddenly, she was in a hospital bed.   
She'd be far better off dead then putting her family through this. 

Eventually, as the conversation died down, and the clock on the wall ticked away, Casey knew what had to be coming. She looked over at her little brother, who hadn't left her side since he came into the room. Currently, his arms were thrown over her, lips parted with tiny snores as he clung onto her like a vice in his sleep.   
He'd be the reason she'd take it all back. Nic was supposed to look up to her, and yet, there she was showing exactly what not to be and do. He didn't need to lose his sister right now, not like this. Really, she should be the one who taught him how to deal with this sort of thing. 

Rose and Jade were the firsts to excuse themselves, scooping up their tired kids to drag them off to bed. Dirk and Jake were next, a bit longer later, and Dave asked if they could bring John as well. The other had grown a strong disdain for sleeping in hospitals, and he knew already that Nic wasn't going anywhere, and that he didn't want to either. Besides, even if everyone else was content with letting the situation go until things got a bit more smooth, Dave had been letting things go for too long.   
As they said their final farewells, and the door clicked close, Casey spoke up before Dave could even turn around. "Can you at least keep it down? I don't want to wake up Nic." She said, wrapping an arm tight around her little brother. 

Everything about her said that she was ready for this to turn into a screaming match. However, everything about Dave said he was ready for the total opposite. "I don't want to yell any more. I'm done with getting mad. But, just...why? Why did you do it?" He said. It was the question Casey had been anticipating all night, and the one she'd been anticipating but looking forward to the least.   
Her first response would've been to snap, but she was coming to term with the fact that it wasn't the best way to deal with things. Still, she did end up replying with a little bit of attitude. 

"Didn't you read my note?"   
"It didn't answer anything. You said it wasn't my fault, but you didn't say who's fault it was, or why."  
"Yes, I did." 

Dave seemed to stop and think for a minute, thinking over the note and trying to remember if what she was saying was true. She could tell he'd memorized every line, every wrinkle in that paper. "No, you didn't." He said, finally. She sighed before tossing her head against her pillow. She rubbed the space between her eyebrows.   
"Dammit, papa. It was my suicide note. My good-bye to the oh-so-cruel world. I know what I wrote, and I definitely know why I did it."   
Her joking attitude didn't have Dave laughing. This was a serious situation, and she didn't fare well in those. In fact, anything involving anything besides joking around and being lighthearted, she generally couldn't cope with. It was really the main reason she had so quickly turned down the possibility of fixing this situation.   
Dave didn't have to ask again, she was already sighing and giving up an answer. 

"It's my fault. It was always my fault." She gave up finally. It wasn't her favorite thing to talk about her problems, or begin to give up pieces of her personality that she'd never even begun to understand by herself. She was supposed to be the joking and fun girl, but apparently she was the kind of person who shut down her problems and guzzled down sleeping pills and tore open her wrists in her bath tub.   
Needless to say, that's not how she wanted to be anymore. She was done with that. "How is it your fault?" 

Maybe if she just talked about it, got it off her chest once, then he wouldn't ask again.   
"I'm the one who didn't try. Didn't you see it? Thought that was a fairly obvious thing I wrote down. You didn't exactly help, don't get me wrong. But, you didn't push me away completely either. At least you tried to help me. I didn't even try to help myself. I saw the situation and decided I didn't want to deal with it, so, I didn't. The entire time I was yelling at you for ignoring the real problems, I was doing the same thing. Or, I let myself get caught up in them, and then, when it became too much, I gave up." She said finally, her voice stiff and almost completely monotone, and someone could say that it was because of Nic sleeping, but anyone who knew Casey knew better.   
"But it was my fault. At least..you saw that there was a situation. I didn't until it was already too late. I didn't even try." 

Casey dismissed Dave's thoughts altogether. "Papa, all I used to was sit awake at night trying to put the blame on you, and everyone else. And I already admitted that yeah, you could've done more. But I also didn't have to go get wasted. I couldn't deal with all of it anymore. I still don't know if I can. I did this to myself, you never forced me to do anything, so don't put all of it on yourself."   
Dave got up and sighed, turning and glancing at the wall as he tried to gather his thoughts. Casey knew that no matter what she said, part of Dave would always blame himself. That was just his personality, and it was good, because he shouldn't just let this go, and he should learn how to start taking blame and realizing a situation. But Casey didn't think he needed all the weight. 

"How am I not supposed to blame myself for this? I'm your father. I'm supposed to make you happy, but I made things about dad and I didn't even think about making them about you. I just thought you'd be okay, that things couldn't get worse. I didn't want to look at all the scary stuff, it was too hard, so I didn't." Dave said, turning to look back at her. Casey had seen this sort of thing with her father all too commonly, and it was usaully John who forced Dave to sit down and really look at a problem. It just seemed to be his mind's coping mechanism to shut it down. Still, it didn't make it healthy, or okay.   
"I don't know how to cope and deal with it, either. Pretending things would be fine was your way of coping, a stupid one, but a method anyway." Her voice was right back to it's soft and teasing tone, and Dave still wasn't having any of it. He couldn't laugh this off anymore, he wouldn't let the situation get downplayed, because then he'd do just that.   
"It's not funny, Casey."   
"It should be. I tried to kill myself. Feel like that should be hilarious." 

She seemed determined to do exactly what Dave didn't want, because she wanted this whole scenario to be done with. She learned her lesson, learned that what she did wasn't good and she had no plans on doing it again. Not to mention, this really, really wasn't something she wanted to be known for with her family from now on.   
"Stop, I want to help you. I know you want to pretend this didn't happen, but it did. I love you, you're my kid, and I want to start being here again. I thought about John for too long, I just want to find a balance now." 

Casey admitted defeat. "Stop asking about it. That would help me alot. There's nothing you can do. I need to figure this out by myself."   
It seemed to be Dave's turn to look like he didn't want to talk about something. Unlike Casey though, he didn't beat around the bush and dodge the situation. He was done with that.   
"Well, I'm gonna help you do that."   
Whatever he was talking about, his mind seemed just about made up about it, and Casey didn't know whether or not to be nervous about it. 

"Help me? How? You don't plan on sitting me down with Rose or something, right?" She said, quirking an eyebrow.   
Dave shook his head. "I'm not that cruel, holy shit. Rose probably causes suicidal tendencies. But, your doctor had a thought earlier, and I agreed with her. I think that once you're discharged, you should go stay with your grandmother for a bit." 

Casey's shock and almost horror was about as prominent as Dave's nervousness at breaking the news. Instantly, she was coming up with a million excuses for why that was an awful idea.   
"No way, papa! I love Mom but staying with her is definitely not going to help me!"   
"Dad is better, but he's still not dad. She doesn't think it'll help your recovery."   
"So send dad away! Why does it have to be me? Besides, I'm fine now." She said, wishing she could stand up and show him, that her smiles and jokes were convincing enough. But nothing was getting past Dave. 

"You aren't okay, and that's fine. I still love you. You're my little girl, and it's only temporary. I'm not gonna leave you anywhere permanently. But it's not gonna hurt to..have a little vacation from the house. Besides, you know Mom will spoil you." He said. Now, it seemed to be his turn to lighten the mood, and Casey was much more accepting of it. The idea of being away from her family; well, it wasn't her absolute favorite thought. But she saw where Dave was coming from.   
In the long run, it made the most sense. There was no doubt Casey loved her family, but she saw her father's point. It was probably best that she stayed away and focused on herself for awhile, like they all knew she needed to. 

She gave in just like that, biting her lip, even if the idea still didn't entirely settle with her properly. For the first time in a long time, she accepted Dave's help. Relief went over his face, and if her agreeing to stay with her grandmother made Dave happy, it made her all the more game to at least try it out.   
"Well, I guess. I'm overdue a new cell phone anyway. And, a vacation sound good. But, you guys have to call me." She said, shooting Dave a squinting look of warning. Since it seemed like everything was more handled than it had been previous, Dave finally allowed himself a laugh. He stepped back over to the bed, wrapping his arms around her. She could only wrap one around him in response, since Nic currently had complete custody over the other.

"Trust me, I'm pretty sure Nic won't let us forget calling you and visiting you. Besides, it's not going to be a permanent thing. It'll go by faster then you think." He said, and trailed off. Casey could tell the conversation wasn't really over. "I'm sorry that I wasn't completely there for you." Dave added after a moment as he moved away from the hug.  
Casey appreciated the apology. It was nice that Dave was now coming to terms with what had happened, and he was finally admitting to the fact that his best wasn't entirely enough. "It's okay. I know you wanted to be." She said, giving him a soft smile of reassurance, that seemed to bring him just that. 

"At Mom's, you can still call me if you need anything. Even if it's just to complain about how overbearing she can get." He said, the two Strider's laughing together. It wa loud enough to make Nic stir besides her, and they both quieted down as she looked at him, brushing a curl from his peaceful face.   
Of course, this was a level of affection she'd never express when Nic was awake. She had a reputation to keep up, afterall. But right now she'd let that go.   
"Just take care of him though, okay? If he's sad about something, don't drop it. It could be really small to you but huge to him." 

It was strong and solid advice that Dave felt like should be the other way around, and that he should've learned by this point in his life. He knew his faults, and what he did wrong, and Casey could tell he wouldn't let it happen again. "And, bring him home, please. You'll probably have to carry him. I don't care if I'm here the rest of my life, I don't want you guys putting your lives on pause. Go to work and kick his ass all the way to school." She added on after a moment. They both knew waking Nic up and separating him from his sister would not..be a great idea, but, she didn't want him to wait for her to get better.   
Dave seemed to agree with her thoughts as he went around to Nic's side of the bed. As he gently shook awake the red head, the other seemed to cling tighter onto his sister, making a groan of complaint. 

Casey took over, gently shaking him with a bit more aggression, forcing him from his slumber as Dave shot her a reprimanding look. "Hey, wake up. You have school tomorrow. Don't fall through the cracks like I did." She said as Nic woke up, blinking sleepily at her. His bottom lip instantly jutted out in a pout.   
"I want to stay here with you." He objected, his grumpiness being adorable enough to draw a smile from Dave. 

"She'll still be here tomorrow, Nic. Come back and see her then." He said, holding a hand out for him to get up. Nic looked at it before peeking over his shoulder at his very much beloved sister.   
"Do you promise you're done hurting yourself?" He asked. There wasn't anything cute about the question, nothing cute about someone Nic's age worrying about his big sister hurting herself.   
Casey frowned before nodding. If she was going to get better, to stop all of this, it'd be for Nic. She never wanted to see anyone, him especially, worry about her ever again.   
Nic didn't seem entirely convinced, instead holding up his pinkie finger to her. The almighty pinkie promise. 

She looped their fingers together, and that seemed to be all the convincing Nic needed as he wrapped his arms around Casey after. It was clear he'd never let go if he had the choice. Casey squeezed him tightly. "Stop acting like you'll never see me again." She teased. But, there was a hint of sincerity to it.   
"I love you." Nic said, and Casey happily smiled at him in response. She wasn't the sort of person who told that to anyone often at all, but she knew that it was just about what her family wanted to hear. "I love you, too." 

Nic didn't put up much of a fight after that. He gave Casey a final long hug and Dave watched the whole thing with a smile spread over his features. The relationship between the two siblings, as messy as it appeared, could survive a nuclear war. This was the reality of it, truthfully. It was something he'd always be happy about; that his kids had a relationship where they were close as could be when it came down to it.   
The two left soon after before the good-bye's could become tearful. He did not need to calm a crying Nic right now. 

Nic tossed himself into the backseat of the truck and Dave could tell that he was sleeping before they even hit the road. At least he was sleeping just fine.   
When they arrived at the house, he tossed open the truck door before scooping up the youngest Strider, carrying him inside with only a slight struggle at the door.   
He was surprised to see that despite it being past midnight, John was settled on the couch, wide awake as he watched the TV screen. 

As Dave stepped in, John broke his staring to instead glance over at him. In the dim lighting, Dave could see the obvious signs of his eyes glistening with tears.   
Instantly, Dave was worried, shifting Nic's weight around in his arms. "Are you okay?" He asked.   
John sniffled softly before wiping his eyes, making a sound Dave could only interpret as mock amusement. "Did you know we got married on Valentine's Day? Isn't that so cliche?" He said finally, but wasn't done yet, voice dry as could be. "Because I didn't. The most important day of my life, but I can't even remember walking down the aisle. Or where the aisle was."   
Dave cast a look to the TV and saw that John wasn't watching just anything. Nope, he had somehow gotten his hands on the video taken at their wedding. 

A frown quickly tugged his lips downwards, and he could tell the sort of night he was about to be in for. "Give me one second. I'm gonna go put Nic in his bed, then we'll talk more, okay?" He said. John nodded, even if the tears didn't stop. Dave went upstairs, which was still in fairly desperate need of cleaning, before gently tucking Nic into bed and setting his alarm for the next morning. After, he went back downstairs with John.   
The video had been paused, the TV frozen on the scene of the two of them having their very first dance as a married couple. 

John's tears seemed to have quickly turned into sobs, and Dave felt absolutely awful seeing it. He stepped over quickly, sitting besides John and hugging the other tight against him.   
"Hey, it's alright, John. It's okay not to remember things. It'll come back eventually." Dave said, rubbing a hand comfortingly over John's back.   
"I-It's not- okay. This i-isn't- me. I d-don't k-know who- I-I am anymore." John sobbed, clutching onto the other. 

Dave could easily see that while the cause for the other's sadness had changed, the sadness was still a very much prominent issue the other was dealing with. It was almost at the point where Dave didn't entirely know how to respond.   
"But you will remember. Hey, even people without amnesia don't know who they are. And it's okay not to know. You have all the time you need to figure it out." Maybe it was a bit repetitive of him to say, but it was all that he could even begin to think to say to him right now. But, John shrugged back out of his hold, wiping tears as his eyebrows drew together in frustration.   
"How do I have time? Casey tried to kill herself because I'm taking too much time. They both get older every day and I'm missing all of it, because some part of me says they're my kids, but the other part doesn't connect to them. It all fades every day." 

Dave felt like this wasn't a new thing. It couldn't be, this didn't just seem like a realization that you randomly came across. Had John been feeling like this all along, but hid it instead of coming forward about it? It didn't seem so far off, considering everyone seemed great at having problems they didn't tell anyone else about. John had only recently become easier to manage again.   
"Whether you remember or not, they can still be your kids. You never stopped being their father. And you shouldn't give up, I think they appreciate you trying." He said, and this seemed to bring John the smallest bit of comfort. Not enough to make him feel better, because Dave didn't even think words could do that by now, but at least tears fell a bit easier. 

"They need someone that's not me." He said. Despite his words almost basically protesting what Dave was saying, he moved back into his arms anyway, head thumping against the blonde's shoulder. He kept his face completely from Dave's view as he at least tried to listen to what the other thought. But Dave disagreed. Was John the exact person he used to be? No, but the personality was there. He was the goofy, witty asshole that Dave married, even if he couldn't remember their wedding. He wasn't all there, but he was about all he needed to be.   
"See, you're trying so hard to figure out who you are. But this is you. Before, not so much. But this? Only wanting the best for them? Caring that Nic had a good dinner, making sure Casey is okay? Wanting to be the person they need right now? That's you. No, you don't have the memories to back it up, and whatever. Fuck them. We can make new memories." Dave said before scooting around. He leaned his head back against the couch, John doing the same as he maintained their closeness, but peeked up from the other's shoulder to look at the other. Dave didn't explain himself further, instead digging around for the remote. John shook his head quickly, reaching a hand up to stop him, but Dave quickly pulled it over his head, making John pout at his childishness. 

"C'mon. I don't want to watch it anymore, it's fine." He complained instead, leaning back against the couch. With the combination of his tiny limbs and broken ribs, he wasn't getting that remote back with force.   
Dave didn't seem to hear about what John wanted. "Don't care. You want to remember, and I want to help you. So, watch." He said, pressing play on the video.   
John didn't look at the screen at first in pure rebellion, but Dave rolled his eyes and reached over, forcing his head in the direction of the screen.   
As the video played, John ended up slowly relaxing, figuring there was no way out of this. Of course though, the blonde's eyes were on John almost more then the movie, on stand by for more tears but instead watching recognition go over his face instead. 

************

"Dear God, Dave. The reception hasn't even started, how the hell are you tipsy?" John said, arm looped around his husband's (he was still getting used to the reality of that term, and was loving it) shoulder. Dave's other hand was currently swishing around some dark alcohol in a fancy cup.   
"The bride is allowed to get drunk. It's an obligation." Dave replied like that was just common knowledge that John was stupid for not realizing.   
"Dave?"  
"Hmm?"  
"You're a man." 

Dave made an overly offended noise, and broke the closeness the two had. "So what? It's still my special day. I can be the bride." He said, poking a finger against John's chest. Of course, that was the finger attached to the hand holding the wine glass. The force of it caused the red drink to spill all over John's brand new white tuxedo.   
John made a sound of complaint as he let go of Dave, causing the other to briefly stumble as he grabbed a napkin to clean it off. "Dave! What a way to start the marriage, you asshole." He said before taking the glass from his tipsy husband. "I'm cutting you off." 

 

Another sound left Dave, one of various sounds to the point where John couldn't even pinpoint one. He tried reaching for the cup, but ended up stumbling over his long legs. His fancy new dress shoes would definitely be scuffed by the end of the night. But, John moved away, instead downing the rest of the drink himself. Immediately, his expression drew up like he'd just tasted something sour. Really though, it was just the burn of the alcohol as it went down his throat. He looked over at Dave, who pouted at the sight of his precious drink now being gone.   
"Is that just straight up vodka?"  
"With a teeny tiny bit of cranberry juice." Dave said, holding his fingers up a millimeter of an inch apart. John rolled his eyes before laughing, setting the glass down on a nearby table as they waited for the que to enter the reception. "You're a lightweight." He teased, helping Dave to straighten up so that he didn't look like he was as drunk as he was. 

Dave seemed to take it as something else entirely, lazily throwing his arms around John's torso before pressing their lips together. John happily smiled against his lips as he slowly put his arms around Dave's neck, forcing the other down to his height.   
It was messy due to Dave's complete drunken state, but still full of emotion, making John's lips pull into a content smile.   
They barely acknowledged it when the door flew open, signaling the point where they were supposed to enter, until Rose stepped over and tapped their shoulders. 

"Save it for the honeymoon. Jade is losing her mind getting everyone seated. And, I'm going to guess David here is drunk?" She used Dave's full name in a mocking sort of way as the newlyweds pulled away from one another, and Dave made a whining noise, barely processing the teasing. "You guess right. We're coming right now." John said, retracting his arms as his husband scoffed. "No, we're not. Wish we were." 

Rose made a face that said it all before turning and going back into the reception room, not needing to hear all the details of her brother and brother-in-law's sexcapades. John laughed before turning back to Dave, looping their hands together and pressing their lips together before moving back. Even if the blonde was pretty shit faced, the adoring look that Dave gave him was still very much sincere, making John's heart jump in his chest. This was why he married this man. "I love you."   
Dave smiled as they walked forward, into the reception hall. "I love you more." 

************  
John stared ahead as the two of themselves danced across the screen. There was very little to no grace to it, and it was more just holding tightly onto one another and moving every now and then, but their faces were bright and in love. His eyes closed in on a discolored area of his tuxedo.   
"You spilled vodka on me." He said. The memory gradually drifted into his mind, wrapping around him like some kind of blanket, so subtle that he didn't even think of it as new.   
Dave didn't actually think this video would do anything, he thought it'd maybe brighten John's mood, but refreshing his memory was always something he'd take. 

"Yeah. You didn't let me drink the rest of the night. Apparently, a drunk bride is trashy." He said, quoting John from earlier in the night. John smiled.   
"Glad I stopped you. Looks like there's alot of white at that venue." John said, glancing around the background. As the camera continued to spin around the young newlyweds, his eyes caught on his sister in the background. His mouth dropped open as he forced Dave to pause it. 

"Is that Jade?" He said, pointing at a very heavily pregnant in a floor length green dress. She had a hand against her large, watermelon sized belly as she watched the two dance, leaned into Rose.   
Dave looked before nodding in confirmation. "Yep, that's her. She was planning on killing us for planning the wedding two days before her due date." He said, making an amused noise.   
John made a confused face as he looked at him. "I thought the twins were the same age as Casey? Isn't this before we adopted her?"

"They're a year older. Besides, we adopted Casey a few years after this, when she was three. Technically, she wasn't even born yet." Dave explained further. John nodded in understanding as he continued looking curiously at his sister anyway. Once again, it was another area of his life that he missed.   
"It's weird seeing her pregnant. When we were younger, she didn't even like kids all that much. Why didn't they just adopt?" He asked, curious about even the small stuff. Also though, waking up and finding out you had two kids was one thing, but finding out your sister had three was another.   
"They wanted a kid that was biologically related to them, I guess. That was important to them." 

John laughed. "So, it wasn't just them, an anonymous sperm donor and a turkey baster?"   
Dave nodded, but looked very entertained about where it was exactly that they did end up getting someone. "Nope, but a turkey baster did have a role to play still. They got me, then, you." 

John's laughter died down in his throat as his eyes widened. "What? Wait, wait- I made Jaspers?" His voice was loud and high enough in shock that Dave had to gesture for him to keep it down before dissolving into laughter at his reaction. He couldn't even dream of telling this sort of thing to John before, but right now, it was hilarious.   
"Never say that to Jade. I made that joke with the twins, and she almost killed me with her eyes. But yeah, technically. Wasn't the most romantic date night to jerk o-"

John squirmed and waved his hands around before Dave could continue. "Don't need to know the details! I'm glad that I can't remember that one." He said, making a face that had Dave laughing even harder, holding onto his stomach.   
"You act like you had to penetrate my sister or something. They had a lovely evening with your baby batter and a turkey baster, I'm sure."   
John sat up, moving away from where he'd previously been cuddled up into Dave to instead smack the other's shoulder with zero remorse. "I just said I didn't want to know the details!" He complained. 

Dave continued laughing, even snorting loudly at one point, and now it was John who was quieting him for the sake of Nic. "Stop laughing at me! You're an ass!" He whined, nudging him and pouting. Dave grabbed the remote as his laughter died down, raising his hands up in a silent truce. "Fine, fine. Let's just keep watching, you're gonna miss the good parts." He said, grabbing the remote before pressing play on the video. They continued watching as the dancing soon enough gave way to the cake cutting.   
In a John like move, he went to feed a forkful to Dave, just to end up shoving it directly into his face instead.   
John watched the much younger versions of themselves laugh on the screen, looking at one another with so much love in their eyes. 

Even now, years later, with John's memory lacking, he could still see that in Dave's eyes, under all the fatigue. The love was still there and going so strong, even with the less then ideal circumstances. It was so inspiring. He was once again left wondering how the hell any version of himself got so lucky to have someone like Dave, that was sticking by his side through all of this. 

Dave raised an eyebrow at John, who didn't realize he'd been the one who took up staring at the other instead of watching the video. "You look like you're about to jump me. Whatever I said, I'm sorry." He commented, voice light and joking but also the slightest bit confused. The video continued quietly playing behind them as John didn't exactly look away. "How did I get so lucky?" The question caught Dave off guard, unsure of what exactly it was John meant. Clearly though, it as meant to be a rhetorical question as John continued without an answer even needing to be said.   
"We were what, twenty in that video? Now, we're like, thirty, and nothing has changed. You still love me, even if I'm a confused, miserable asshole. I don't deserve that, in any reality. I'm lucky to have someone as great as you by me through all of this. Anyone else should've given up." 

The compliment caught Dave off guard. He liked to say he was someone who was in control of his emotions, but, it didn't stop a blush from rising to his cheeks. John was always someone who showed his affection, and it was mostly through indirect sentences. It felt so weird but very welcomed to have this tiny piece of his husband back with him.   
"Well, you've always been my confused, miserable asshole. Even now, when I'm kind of the miserable asshole, too. No matter what, you're always right there with me. That's all I've ever wanted from anyone. Of course I love you." He sounded a little nervous to be admitting all of this to John, who probably would've punched him for admitting just this a week ago.   
Now though, John found himself staring once again as it was his turn to have blood rushing to his face. 

It was like there was some force constantly drawing them to one another, drawing them together and John couldn't stop looking at him. "You love me?" He said. He already knew the answer, but, he wanted confirmation.  
He didn't realize how close the two of them had gotten until he could feel Dave's breath against his lips as he answered. "I love you."   
Maybe John wasn't head over heels in love with Dave yet. But someone who still saw the good in him, who still considered John to be his husband and still loved him all the same, he could feel himself teetering over the edge. 

Just like that, before they could stop themselves, they closed the distance between them both.   
John's heart had just about leapt from his chest as their lips touched together. He could tell that Dave had plenty of experience, especially given the fact that he'd been kissing John every day for years before the accident. But John was still clueless, and ended up following Dave's lead, scooting a bit closer as he reached up and gently cupped Dave's cheek in his palm. Dave's arms slowly went around John's torso.   
Thing ended up getting heated as Dave poked at John's lip with his tongue, an action that had John giggling almost childishly against his lips before parting them. As heated as it got, he could feel Dave smiling against his lips, and he knew he was doing the same. 

Soon enough, John could feel himself slowly getting pushed backwards on the couch as Dave's hands traced over his lower back, sneaking under the hem of his shirt and ghosting over the skin there.   
As he laid back, holding Dave tight, he slowly hooked a leg over Dave's hip, head tilting and twisting into the kiss.   
Before things could continue to get more heated though, John slowly released Dave's face and moved back. They gave one another dazed looks, both relishing in what it felt like to once again be so close to the one person you cared so deeply about. 

They looked at one another, face's flushed and expressions content as Dave leaned his forehead against John's. He brought his arms up to settle around the blonde's neck before looking up at him, at those shining red eyes.   
"Might want to save the real excitement. Afterall, you need to take me to dinner first." John joked, smiling happily at him as Dave as the one to make a sound of complaint this time around.   
Despite it, John could tell Dave was happy. To think, just one little kiss could make the other so happy that he was practically radiating pure joy. 

"So, can I be right then to assume the tongue in my mouth was verification you want to give this a shot?" Dave asked. It almost felt weird, to go back to dating when they were married. But at the same time, Dave was kind of excited ot back to it, and make John fall for him all over again. Dating was fun. It was this excitement that had John smiling before nodding. "Of course, I already told you that. We can date." He said. 

Dave grinned wide before covering John's face with kisses that had John giggling and squirming underneath him.   
If everything else in his life had to be a mess, right now, at least his relationship with John could make a little more sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the happy ending begins.
> 
> Or..does it?


End file.
